Is This What You Call Love?

Chapter Seven

I watch as Luhan stands up from his chair and walk over to me suddenly smashing his lips against mine. I'm quick to push him away even though all I wanted to do was kiss him back. But I couldn't let myself do that.

"No...Luhan. Stop" I see sadness fill his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think before I did that; I just want to fix whats broken" He says in a quiet shy voice though he's neither of those. I look down at my hands that are sitting in place on my lap.

"We can't fix it...it's too broken"

"We can try to fix it" I shake my head

"No we can't"

Luhan sighs whilst disappointment covers his face.

"The guys are throwing a party tonight...they want you there" Luhan says, his voice empty of emotion and everything. I shake my head slightly and stand up.

"I'll think about it" With that I walk out of the coffee shop leaving Luhan alone once again.

I curse myself as I walk to my car. I'm being such a jerk to Lu while he's trying so hard to fix what's broken.

But how could I forgive him after what he's done to me?It's not something easily forgivable. I can't just forget he did that because what do I know, he could alway just do it again. How will I know he wont? Can I really trust him that he wont?

I find myself pulling into the parking lot of the apartment building a lot sooner than I had thought I would. I quietly walk up the stairs, head down, to my apartment. Unlocking the door and making my way to my bedroom, throwing myself onto my bed. Thoughts of EXO and the guys come to mind as I lay staring at the ceiling; something I've grown accustom to and I do quite often.

Should I go back to the group? Will they really want me back in the first place? Well going back would be better than sitting here wallowing in self hate. But the guys might not want me back after three months of being gone so is it even worth it?

"Ugh! This is too complicated!" I yell out in annoyance shoving my head into my pillow.

But I can't go back, Luhan wouldn't leave me alone if I did. But i miss the group, I miss the guys and the fans.

I cant even think right now I'm just done with it.Theres too much going on and too much to think about and I just don't want to think anymore.

I walk into the bathroom pulling out a bottle of pain killers. I'd rather not feel anything at the moment either; I just want to get away from it all honestly. I dump a bunch of normal sized white pills into my hands and from the looks it seemed as if there about 8 there.

I scrunch my eyes before shoving the pills in my mouth and swallowing them all without water. I stand there in the bathroom wanting to move so I don't crash onto the hard tile. But at the same time I want to hit the hard flooring; I mean the pain's just something I deserve.

Instead of moving I turn the sink on and splash some of the cold water on my face. Looking up and into the mirror, I grimace at the sight of myself.

I look tired and lifeless . I hate the sight of me; I'm ugly and no one wants me so I'm glad I'm swallowing these pills.

Maybe for once they'll be enough to fucking kill me already.

I only took eight though and thats not enough; I need more. I'll surely come back swallowing only that little amount.

I reach out to grab more pills but quickly collapse and my eyes close as I'm going down. With eyes shut in a sleep I'll wake from eventually. But for now I lay here breathing but still lifeless till I wake again.

My eyes flutter open and I snap them back shut at the blinding light in the room. Suddenly I feel the ice cold floor beneath me but I don't move.

"Fuck! Too bright and too cold" I yell to no one but myself at my own stupidity of leaving the blinds and bathroom door open.

I grab my phone from next to the sink, checking the time. It's just after 2 pm at the moment.

At this time I think I've made my decision with SM and Exo. I know what I'm gonna choose. I pull my phone out once again unlocking it and pulling up our managers number. I hit call as I still lay motionless on the cold bathroom floor.

((Authors Note))

Decided to update twice again cause of my lack of posting lately. So here's chapter 7. Sadly it ends with a cliff hanger though.

But I hope you're still enjoying the story and that you continue to enjoy it. Because I definitely enjoy writing it and editing it.

Well that's it for now, thanks for reading my lovelies.

Sorry the chapters a bit short.