Is This What You Call Love?

Chapter Sixteen

I stare at the dismantled razor and the blades that lay beside it on the floor of the room.

I had forgotten to grab all my blades before I left the dorms so I guess this is all I have. With a shaky hand I pick up one of the small but sharp blades. They do work well which is a good thing I suppose. I press the long, skinny blade into my wrist as deep as I can and quickly pull it to the side tearing my skin apart in two pieces. I look up as I feel a pleasure of pain rip across my arm a small, cracked smile appearing on my face as I look down and watch the blood slowly spill from the wound I had just created.

God how I've missed this pain so much.

I lower the blade a few inches and press into my skin, pulling it across, and ripping my skin apart once again. I then begin slicing anywhere and everywhere across my forearm. I don't care anymore, I just don't even want to live anymore.

But this just certainly won't do it for me. Cutting hasn't worked once before so I need a way I know I'll be able to finally get out.

I'm such a fuck up, such a disgrace. It's impossible for anyone to love me. No one wants me, no one needs me; I have no reason to be here and I'm tired of all this self-hatred that I'm just filled with. I just hate me so much.

I watch the crimson colour spill out from almost every inch of my forearm. I love the sight of it.

I feel tears fill my eyes as I reach for my bag once more. I feel around the inside of the bag till I get to the bottom, under all my clothes. As I finally find it I swiftly pull the item out from under the clothes as more tears slowly spill from my eyes.

I slowly wrap my hands around what I had pulled out of my bag. My small black handgun I was given a few years back. No one knows I have it and I honestly don't want them to know.

I reach into the pocket of my bag, pulling one small bullet out, staring at it through blurred vision with shaky hands. Opening the gun I place the bullet inside and load it, cocking the gun and moving my finger slowly and shakily to the trigger.

I feel my eyes close slowly as I put the gun to my head, more tears now streaming down my face. I'm so pathetic.

This is how I will go out and end my story, no more new chapters, no more new beginnings. It'll finally be over and I'll finally be away from this shit hole.

I feel my body going numb as I hold the gun to my head, hand on trigger ready to pull.

"Seconds from the end

What's it gonna be?

Pull the trigger bitch!"

I hear myself screaming before beginning to press the trigger but before anything else the door slams open causing me to drop the gun in pure shock of what happened.

"What the fuck do you want!" I scream as I see the person running closer towards me. Before I can identify them by their face they're wrapping their arms around me, and pulling me onto their lap.

"Shhh Xiumin calm down it's just me you're okay I'm here now you don't need to worry" I hear the voice of Chen speaking soothingly to me.

I don't move from his lap but instead lay in his arms, crying my eyes out.

•| Chen's POV |•

I grab my phone and walk downstairs and towards the front door.

"I'm going out for a bit" I yell as I open and begin walking out of the front door.

"Where are you going?" Luhan questions. I look at him and instantly see the sadness that fills his eyes and the smile that he used to always wear is gone and I can't help but feel bad for him.