-Unhealthy Obsession-

.41. Numb

January 10, 2019

Time..? Who cares

log entry 1

Today I have decided to start another journal...in my head. I've been in this place for about..four weeks maybe. It's been three days I haven't slept again. I find myself laughing at everything, my hallucinations becoming...certainly something. I don't know how to explain it. My head is so jumbled yet numb at the same time.

I haven't been taking care of myself. Barely eating, not bathing or taking care of personal hygiene. The nurses has had to come in and wash me themselves as I sat there like a sack of potatoes.

I've heard news that Milo and River are in the hospital with minor injuries. Milo with a fractured knee and broken nose, and River with a mild concussion.

I subconsciously touch my forehead and feel the lingering scar that stayed there. I did that.

My hand drops back to my stomach as the ceiling starts dripping again.

My eyes and body begs for sleep but I refuse. Let's see if I can make it a fourth day.

"Andrew, darling." Mia's voice appears again. I roll onto my side and face the wall.

"Go away, you're not Mia. You're just my mind."

"Oh, don't say things like that." I feel her hands ride up my leg. "I know you love me, Andrew. And you know I love you too."

I closed my eyes, my throat starting to form a lump. I shake my head , forcing the words out. "My Mia said she doesn't even love me...at all." the words are foreign and leave a bad taste in my mouth.

"But I am Mia!" I could hear her smile.

"No. My Mia doesn't love me. My Mia is dead." I almost choke on my words.

log entry 2

I can't stop hearing her. I don't want to believe she's dead but I have to come to the reality. She never loved me. She's gone. I can never do the things I wanted to do with her, I can never express to her my love anymore. My memories have started to get fuzzy-especially around the incident. I barely remember what happened. I just know my hands were caked with blood and I could hear her choking on her own blood. I don't even have to be sleeping to scare myself-

"Andrew love, come out your thoughts. You're only making things worse for yourself."

"Shut up. You're not real."

Everything's so surreal. I just want to wake up from this horrific dream.

"I am real, love." she laughed. "Your mind is real. Your thoughts are real, and so are your feelings. Just-"

"I swear to God I will take this blanket and asphyxiate myself if you don't shut UP!" I didn't hear from her again. I sigh in relief and in pain. It was nice to hear her voice, but the words she was saying made a unsettling feeling deep in my stomach. I need to get out of this room.

I slide off my bed, the walls and floors warping around me. I stumble out my room and aimlessly walk down the oozing walls. I glide my hand against the cool walls slowly as my bare feet hit the cold tiles.

"Mr Miller!" comes a shocked voice. I turn around and see that ash-brown haired woman with the glasses. Kathy. that was her name. "You're out of your room!" she smiles. I frown and flip her off, continuing to walk away.

She catches up to me and strides beside me. "You know you can let people in. You can let people help you." she started, her voice small. "I know the group therapy is gone for a bit until Miss Banks and Mr Manson come back, but that doesnt mean you can't see a personal doctor too." I shake my head.