Wings of Fire critic

Whisperheart (Leo-Pad)

Name: Whisperheart

I personally love the prefix 'Whisper' but I feel like 'heart' is heavily overused. If I were to name her, I would name her Whisperstep or perhaps Whisperfaith. 

Name reason: she is gentle, and is very loyal

I can see the reasoning for 'heart', loyalty and all but what does gentle have to do with it? Age: 36 moons

Sounds like a reasonable age! 

Sexuality: straight

Clan: thunderclan

Time period: a little after Firestar becomes leader

Ooo yay the first arc! Yayyyyy! 

Rank: warrior

Looks: she is long haired with a pine colored pelt, her eyes are a bright amber

I hope you mean pine bark because I'm picturing a green cat right now... what about her other traits? 

Personality: she is kind, gentle, but at times she can be angered, and loyal

Another really 'meh' personality, seem so many times, the old 'friendly till angry' I think every character can be angered at times, but if that's something that is a big part of her personality what angers her? And she's loyal, alright to what? Her clan? Family? Why? 

Abilities: she is very stealthy and is really good at hunting do to how quiet she is.

Okay Can she do anything else? Like does she have a good sense of direction? Is she good at handling certain situations? This shouldn't be limited to just her physical capabilities. But what she can do is awesome and it really makes sense due to her being mute.

Strenghts: stealth, and her sense of hearing

Weakness: her vocal capabilities (she was born mute), sometimes has a short fuse

So would her short fuse lead her to being rash? As for her being mute did that effect her life? Why is it a weakness? Did she get made fun of for this? 

Family: her parents (names undecided) and Silverheart (in starclan)

Friends: Acornwhisker and Snakestrike (these two cats don't belong to me)

Crush: Snakestrike

My favourite name thus far! But why? Does he know and or like her back? Kits: none

Backstory: In a battle between Thunderclan and Riverclan a Riverclan cat almost killed her but due to her sister's bravery she took the hit and Whisperheart survived, but her sister wasn't so lucky. Whisperheart would have flash backs at times and would remember that day and get in a mood she started to distant herself from most but had a 'mask' over her pain. She then met Acornwhisker he was in a bad mood so she tried to cheer him up, but ended up annoying him, oddly enough the two became good friends neither of them know how they did and occasionally joke about how they first met. She has become a lot happier after she met him and later Snakestrike.

I feel like a lot of this should be in her personality not her history, and this told me basically nothing. Like what was her kithood like? She would of been a kit when Bluestar was leader and when the whole Tigerstar event happened. Her apprenticeship? How'd she meet Snakestrike? This really just told me about that one battle that I don't know what's about but I'm gonna assume is about the Sunning Rocks. 

Other: none——————6/10 

Originality and creativity: 20/25 some points off due to the fact that the 'heart' part of her name is overused as well as the part that she's thunderclan which is a very overused clan. However her being mute is very neat and I don't think I'd heard of a mute warrior cat oc yet! I also love that you put her in the first arc.

Detail and effort: 12.5/25 she had a very basic personality that wasn't really explained and very cliche. You mentioned her loyalty a lot but never bothered to explain it, her realitionship with her sister is lacklustre and her parents didn't even get names. Her appearance sounds interesting but it's also super basic.

Realism and Interest: 23/25 points were taken off for the backstory, it really only focused on her being part of this one battle as if it's the only interesting thing that's happened in her entire life. I also don't think it makes a lot of sense since Firestar was friends with Riverclan. That aside she was an interesting character I just feel like you could of put way more detail.