Wings of Fire critic

Snowpaw (Kittygetkitkat)

Name: Snowpaw

While it's not the most original name in the history of names, it's nice to see Snow used since with the correct suffix it can be a very interesting name.

Name reason: her pelt is snowy white

Straightforward.

Age: 9 moons

Gender: female

Sexuality: straight

Clan(s): thunderclan

Time Peroid/Era: power of three

I think that's actually pretty cool since not a lot of people use this time period!

Rank: apprentice

Looks: all white cat with silver eyes

Okay anything else? Is she a small cat? Big cat? What's her fur like?

Personality: she hates being wrong but hates speaking her opinions even more. she is a very kind and caring cat. she tries to do what she believes to be right. and she is a very supportive cat.

At least it's not in point form, but how are these traits displayed in her?

Abilities: quite, good hearing, and very trustworthy

Does she have any others besides her physical capabilities?

Strengths: speed, hearing, and strategy

Speed isn't really a thunderclan skill and it wouldn't be useful for a cat in a forest, and where'd she get these skills?

Weaknesses: her mind/thoughts

What's this supposed to mean? Does she have a multi personality disorder? Disturbing thoughts? Why? Did something traumatic happen? Or is she simply air headed and gets distracted easily? Specify and explain!!

Family: kin to cloudtail and firestar

Okay how? Seriously how? Who raised her? She would of had to have an adopted mother if she was brought to the clan as a kit, who was that?

Friends: jaypaw

Okay how? How'd they meet? Why are they friends? Why isn't she also friends with the other apprentices? What does he think of her being his friend?

Crush: jaypaw

Considering she's related to him (since he's Firestar's grandson and Cloudtail's cousin) that's uh, realllllly weird. Not to mention by the time she's 9 moons old he'd be a medicine cat apprentice.

Kits: n/a

Backstory: when she was a kit, she was brought to thunderclan by cloudtail. only cloudtail and firestar know where she was from. she never cared to ask about her past and just lived in the present.

Alright who raised her? Did she grow up with gossip about her since she literally appeared out of nowhere? Why doesn't she ask about her past? Who's her mentor and what's her apprenticeship been like? Kithood? I know nothing about this character!

Others: n/a

------- 2/10

Originality and creativity: 12.5/25 'Snow' isn't the most creative name, and the fact that she's in thunderclan knocked off some points because it's a very overused clan. I like how you put her in the power of three arc though, I just wish you included more of how that influenced her character.

Detail and effort: 9/25 you barely included anything about her, I know nothing of her family, her relationships with them, there's a very lacklustre appearance and I think the most effort was displayed in the personality, even then it was also lacking in detail. More points lost for not including any 'others' and more points lost for not explaining why her weakness is her weakness or where she came from.

Realism and interest: 12.5/25 while she was a realistic character, she was super boring to read about since there was nothing TO read about. While making a reader ask questions is good, making them question everything to the point there's nothing to hook onto is not interesting.