Wings of Fire critic

Yarrowflower (Ruffledstar)

Name: Yarrowflower  (former names, Yarrowkit, Deadkit, Deadpaw, Deadface)

I like 'Yarrow', it's original and pretty! 

Name reason: Deadface because of her deformed face, and Yarrowflower to let her know she's still beautiful

Age: 27

27? 27 moons? 27 human years? Ahhhh? 

Gender: female

Sexuality: straight

Clan(s): ThunderClan

Time Peroid/Era: a long time after Bramblestar and Squrrielflight

How long after exactly would be nice to know, like a decade? A century? How long is long? 

Rank: warrior

Looks: dark ginger she-cat with rare chromosomal abnormality, (just check it out) pale green eyes and a short stubby tail and legs. Big fluffy ears and long whiskers. Her chest is white and so is her underbelly and area around her muzzle.

I wished you explained more about her abnormality effected her appearance, based on her name I'm going to say it's her face but you didn't explain all that well in that department. Otherwise it was pretty good! 

Personality: (sorry its over used, but its the only thing that describes her) very sensitive and can be scared, she is very lonely and has a few good friends, is very curious and alert, but is a strong fighter and will be do anything for her clan, she loves to be loved, it makes her feel comfortable.

She sounds very sweet, I wish you would of added a little more but it's actually pretty good! However that you didn't research chromosomal abnormalities all that well as she lacks traits that are found in the said disorder.

Abilities: has excellent hearing and can jump very high.

That doesn't make a lot of sense considering she has short stabby legs, her jumping capabilities should be poor.... 

Strengths: hearing, jumping, strong sense of taste

Any others beyond physical capabilities? 

Weaknesses: terrible sense of smell, not very good hunter, hard for her to focus

While you said she tried hard to be a warrior, how was she able to if she can't hunt? 

Family: Sharpfang (father), Yarrowpetal (mother), Fluffytuft (sister)

While I'm aware of the relationship with her father, what about her mother? Her sister? If you're going to make her have a sister you should include what their relationship and if she was a supporting character or just was one of the many cats to make fun of her. Either way Fluffytuft is currently my most favourite name.

Friends: Weedheart- golden brown she-cat (best friend) Flamestar (friend)- red tom with blue eyes

How did they meet and why are they friends? How does their friendship help her? Didn't you say all the cats would only laugh at her for her appearance? 

Crush/Mate: has a crush on Flamestar, but knowns he'll never love a cat like her,

Alright does he know? Feel the same way back despite her belief? Was there any other reason she liked him besides her simply doing a simple kind act? 

Kits: none

Backstory: When she was born. Her father was disgusted by her and left her mother, Yarrowpetal. She was named Yarrowkit after her mother, but Owlstar re-named her to Deadkit. She became an apprentice all the cats laughed at her for being deformed. But she didn't give up. She tried her best to bea warrior. And Owlstar gave her her warrior name, Deadface. Soon, Owlstar died and she begged Flametail for him to change her name back. He agreed and changed her name to Yarrowflower. She was happy and grew a crush on her leader.

I feel like this is a copy of Brightheart being Lostface (especially with the use of 'face') and that you could of been more creative with that. I also would of loved to hear more about her kithood in detail besides a simple 'she didn't give up',  and I personally would make it that Sharpfang didn't want to leave his mate but still is disgusted by Yarrowkit, and to add more drama and another challenge for Yarrowkit and her mother to overcome is Sharpfang trying to force his mate to abandon her and starting fights over it, a bitterness that eventually ends with her mother being like 'no this is MY kit and I love her' to add more to that mother daughter relationship. Also Flametail is a cannon name (Flametail the shadowclan medicine cat) I would of also liked a more detailed apprenticeship and how her time as Deadface was like. Since her goal was to be a warrior what did she do afterwards? I also think it's really out of character for Thunderclan to be so judgemental and cruel, I can understand one cat being that way but all her clan? Especially a clan who has a history of being so kind and accepting to unusual cats? 

Others: N/A

————-6/10

Creativity and originality: 23/25 using a cat with a chromosomal abnormality is the first I've ever heard and I think it's so cool that you'd make a cat with this condition. However I do think with her being renamed with the prefix 'Dead' was pretty much a copy of Deadkit from Tallstar's Revenge while 'Deadface' instantly made me think Lostface instead of 'original character' I think you should of considered different terms, instead of Dead used something else like Freak, Odd, Monster, Creep, Droll, Twist, or Wry. Instead of face you could of used Muzzle or an descriptive word. You also used the name Flametail which is cannon as well as points lost for her being in Thunderclan which is a very overused clan.

Detail and effort: 15/25 There was a lot of detail you could of added, and you lost points for using a cannon name, also the fact that you gave her a sister but didn't include her sister anywhere nor her friend. You also lost points for not including any others. I wish you included more upon her relationship with Flamestar and more about how she grew up and how she dealt with the bullying and her condition. 

Realism and interest: 12.5/20 I won't be as hard with the realism since warrior cats does mess around a bit with realism, for an example being Blairlight surviving a really long time with a broken back with the support of her clan and the medicine when in reality a cat won't of survived in the wild long with that, so a cat with chromosomal abnormalities would likely survive longer then possible as well. What didn't make a lot of sense was her becoming a warrior, if Owlstar was so hell bent on cursing her with such a horrible name, why allow her to be an apprentice or a warrior at all? How did she become a warrior if she has such a poor sense of smell and couldn't hunt well? Wouldn't she have not been allowed to be a warrior? It's also to be known that cat's with chromosomal abnormalities unfortunately have poor muscle tones and have difficulty moving correctly, this would make her a horrible fighter and due to this condition she'd also find it hard to even acknowledge her surroundings all that well. Her condition would make it extremely hard to be a wild cat and without constant and unending support well into her adult hood she would have no chance in surviving. Now that aside, I found her to be an amazing character who kept my interest the entire time, which is why I wish you would of added more detail.