Star Shines In Her Eye

Don't Stop Me Now

Josh and I wandered over to his house where all of our parents were 3 bottles deep. Josie, Danny's younger sister was sitting with Ronnie and the rest of the boys were out back building a fire. "Dear god they're so stoned." Josie laughed. I looked at Josh and started hysterically laughing. Sammy heard me from the open sliding doors and jogged over and gave me a big hug. "You're so stoned, how dare you smoke without me?" Sammy mocked sincerity. "I was literally just saying that!" Josie chimed in. Our parents looked our way and my mom rolled her eyes at the shit eating grin on my face. Josh was very chill, this weed definitely affected us differently. My dad and Kelly were on the grill making a feast, which I was personally ready for.
We sat down at the big table in the back yard and started eating. I sat between Ronnie and Josh who kept his hand on my thigh. We went around the table saying things we loved about Jake and Josh, which Sam started as a joke but Karen loved the idea to honor the twins for their birthday, such a mom move. Thankfully I was coming down from my high so I wasn't feeling too ridiculous. It got to me and I looked at Jake, "Jacob, you were my first kiss and I hope you're my last." Josh elbowed me softly in the ribs. "I can always count on you to make me laugh and to be my Polka partner, I'm so proud of the man you've become and I love you dearly. Joshua..." here comes the emotions, I thought, I cleared my throat. "You brighten this world with your voice and mind, I'm so lucky I get to call you one of my best friends and I hope you're as hot as you are now when you're an old man." Ok, maybe I was still a little buzzed. Josh planted a big kiss on my lips, I wondered if he realized everyone was looking at us. "Well I guess they're together, after all." Ronnie said sarcastically "Danny, pay up." Danny rolled his eyes and dug in his pocket for a $20.
After dinner wound down, we all sat around the fire, playing music, laughing and reminiscing about our childhoods together. Our parents told embarrassing stories about us, the best ones about the twins, of course. Sammy leaned over to me and asked me to go chat with him. "Are you guys, like 'official'" Sammy said in a goofy voice once we got inside. "Well it's not official, but I think I want it to be. I don't plan on it getting all messy, like before." I crossed my arms feeling a little defensive, Sammy all but said he didn't want to fool around with me anymore, I really didn't want to mess with his head anymore either. I toggled the necklace he bought me between my fingers. "You don't have to get defensive, I just wanted to be on the same page as my best friend. I'm really ok with it, ok?" Sam insisted "Ok Sammy, you've gotta be honest with me if you're uncomfortable though, ok?" "Sure thing, little one, I love you very much." I held out my pinky and he took it with his and we kissed our hands. "I love you too, Samuel. Now bend down so I can get back out there without destroying my feet." Sammy knelt and held me on his back and ran as fast as he could out to the fire.
     Our parents all went to their respective homes and we stayed out by the fire, spending the last possible moments with the boys sisters and each other before our break was over. We finished the bottle of wine our parents left, passing it around like we were kids stealing booze. Our conversation was getting pretty deep, as it tended to get with this group and Ronnie looked at me from across the fire. "How are you feeling, Kaz? I kinda missed the whole ordeal." "I'm ok, it's good to talk about it, ya know? It's just weird, I guess, I never thought it would be me in that situation." Josh put his hand on mine and I looked down at his fingers. "My perspective on things has changed a lot though and I'm glad I have you guys with me. Ideally when we leave I can leave that whole situation behind as well."
     We stayed up into the very early morning before we decided to pack things up and go to sleep. Our flight was a red eye tomorrow but we needed to wake up at a relatively decent hour. Josh and I went up to his room and I slipped on an old tee shirt of his. I climbed into bed next to him, feeling relieved that we didn't have secrets floating around anymore. "I love you, Joshua" "I love you too, Sunshine." Josh said sleepily. I kissed the back of his neck and traced the line of his spine with my finger. I wondered what the next couple of months would be like and I hoped I wouldn't get in their way. It scared me to think that things could go wrong or they could get sick of me. Josh's breathing slowed so I closed my eyes and let myself drift off, my whole life waiting for me beyond this one sleep.
     Josh was not an early riser, let alone a morning person. I woke up at 10am, feeling like it was Christmas Day. I shook him awake, his curly hair bobbing. "Kaz. No." I raised my eyebrows at him. "Oh ok, Joshua Michael, be like that. You do have to wake up, it won't be my fault when you're scrambling!" Josh sat up, eyes half open. "You're cute, but I hate you right now." I sat on my knees beside him and kissed his cheek. "Well that's too bad. Nahgitthafuckup!" I put my Motown playlist on and danced around his room in his ripped up tee and my underwear, using his moccasin as a microphone. I stood by his bed singing the lyrics to 'I Can't Help Myself' by The Four Tops, he kept his sleepy eyes on me.

Sugar pie, honey bunch
You know that I love you
I can't help myself
I love you and nobody else

Josh grabbed me by my arm making me tumble down onto the bed, laughing. "I don't hate you anymore." Josh kissed me and pulled his shirt over my head, making me blush. We spent the next hour trying to keep quiet, finding new ways to drive each other crazy until we exhausted ourselves. We pulled ourselves together and went down for breakfast and to finish packing up. I went home to gather my things and to say my final goodbyes to my parents. This was it, there was nothing else standing between me and living my dream, at least I hoped.