Untying a knot (falling in love): MATURE CONTENT

M i l l i e A b r a m a h

I'm a eighteen year old girl.
I attend college with my best friend who's been by my side since thirteen.
And my life's a mess.
And it's about to get even messed up.
With my parents and their "arranged marriage".

Let me tell you about my background.

My mum, alliyah, and dad ali abramah, well they're Religious. But They take it a bit too far with me. I kind of think they're both..mental cases. See, I used to live in a very claustrophobic flat with very tight space before I started university. Yet I'm not allowed out on my own, to friends houses or out with my friends. Due to "religious reasons". I also have to do as I'm told all the time which means my freedom? Nothing. And oh, I forgot. Marriage. I'm not allowed to choose who I get married to. I'm going to have an arranged marriage. How fun?

My parents have never tooken on their responsibility for me. Never. I've always been independent. I've always been hit by them and I'm not allowed to get help or I'm in trouble. And I know what your thinking..Millie people have it worse so be greatful you have parents. I am, but I'm so sick of them and I'm running insane cause of them. They trigger of my anxiety and depression very far. They're the reason I'm so mentally ill. And I don't have any support apart from my best friend and my history teacher, Mr Blake.

When I was thirteen, when my mental health was really bad, and I was very suicidal, but also self harming, well at that point religion was way to stressful to be paying attention to..keeping up, coping with..get me? So I did
This. Without my parents knowing I became an atheist. Regardless my ethnicity. And back then..I still am..I'm always threatened by my father that I'm going to be deported to Pakistan, this, that. I won't be allowed back in the country due to my skin colour, dad I was born in Britain, shut the fuck up.

They just stress me out. I live at university with my best friend Emily Parkers and I try to avoid my parents as much as possible. I study various things, and one of them history. I've just been very behind on it though, and although Emily helps me I'm still failing. So my wonderful teacher Mr Blake decided to start driving me to his place every two days a week, or more to help me and give me tuition with my history. And it's been really helpful, I just feel so bad, he's taking his time just for me. He's amazing. But it's not even that. He helps me with my mental health and the things with my parents. He obviously can't change our relationship fix it, and I'm not willing too anyways. I'm an atheist. But he just helps me cope with it you know? Supports me and lets me know he's there for me and he's never going to leave. Like many many people did in my life. And that just wrecked me and my mindset. Mr Blake knows my entire life story. And I can't say that I've stopped hurting myself..I'm kind of addicted. So if he ever catches me doing that he always gives me his small lecture, cleans me up and comforts me.

I couldn't have asked for anyone better than Emily and Mr Blake, Luke shall we say. He's okay with me using his first name. He's only about eight years older than me and Emily, he's 26, pretty young for a university teacher. But I couldn't care less, after all, age is just a number, right?

Things are going well, till my parents call me over the weekend..with news. And it's bad.

I've always feared forced marriages. And I know that to my parents it was a cultural thing and they did say they'd do it to me. I just didn't believe it.

But it was finally happening.

They'd found a man for me to marry.

He was 42.
"Age is just a number, right?"
I said that..I take it back.

And abusive.

The wedding was in one week.