Untying a knot (falling in love): MATURE CONTENT

p a i n

I sit on the steps at the entrance of our dorm building staring at the dark campus. I'd emailed Mr Blake, he was in a meeting and told me he'd come get me in fifteen minutes.

So I decided to sit out in the dark. I was so done with everything. I wanted to die, but I knew that wasn't the answer. I looked at my arms, my scars..and then digged around in my pockets till my fingers curled around a small metal object that sliced into my fingertips. I pulled out the blade I used to cut. I shouldn't carry around blades, but I'd rather be carrying Sharp objects than run insane. I got up and walked up the steps, past the side of the Building till I reached the back of it. I pulled up my sleeves facing the wall and started hysterically slicing into my arms with the blade.

It felt good. To release everything. But it obviously didn't make everything better. I felt like I deserved this. Like I deserved being hurt, slapped, and whatever.

I kept cutting but I never realised how much blood I was loosing, or how deep I'd cut, and also how hard I was crying. I only realised this when I felt someone's grip around my wrist pulling it away from my arm, i tried to pull away as I choked a couple sobs but I felt their arm around my waist stopping me from hurting myself. "Millie! Millie stop!" I heard, I knew that deep voice from anywhere.

Mr Blake.

I turned around looking at Mr Blake's pale face, a look of concerned washed over him. I felt so bad worrying him like this, and more tears fell, I looked to the ground. "Millie..give me that, let's go" Mr Blake said taking the blade from my hand shoving it into his jacket and gently pulling me away from the wall to the front of the building where his car was parked. He opened the passenger side of the car for me to sit down in and then sat in the drivers side. He started rummaging around in the back seat as he retreated with a box of tissues, he pulled out several tissues and took my arm squeezing my arm down with the tissues, "Millie your loosing so much blood, I haven't got anything to first aid you with so your going to need to hold down this tissue while I just drive home" Mr Blake said, I could hear the fear in his voice, i nod as I did what I was told.
.
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A while later I was sat in Mr Blake's living room while he tied a bandage around my arm, "Millie you had me so worried, I hate seeing you in such a state" Mr Blake said, "I'm so sorry.." I apologised looking down trying not to cry again. I felt Mr Blake's hand under my chin bringing it up so I was looking him in his face, "it's fine, don't worry. What..even happened?" Mr Blake asked, I sighed. "Everything happened" I responded sadly, "well..anything in particular?" "My parents are doing my head in..they won't leave me alone, something about getting married? I don't know, but I don't care, marriage is stupid." "What do you mean getting married?" Mr Blake sat up, "I'm not sure, I just..I wish I wasn't their daughter" i sighed, "I'm so fed up with everything, I want to die", Mr Blake tenderly placed his hands on my shoulders "Millie, remember what I told you about suicide? Please don't. Because I don't know what I'd do without you, what about your roommates? Your friends? Emily? Everyone would be lost without you and I know you don't believe that right now, but trust me, please. You have a lot to live for, and I want you to be alive. If you died I'd be torn" I swallowed as I felt a very familiar lump in my throat, I didn't want to cry and create a scene In front of Mr Blake once again, but he was so sweet, I couldn't ever hurt him. "Fine..I'll say alive" I say, "thank you" Mr Blake says flashing a small smile.

The rest of the night was spent with the history tuition and then when we were done Mr Blake drove me back to school where I went back to my room. Emily, Molly and Ella were all asleep so I quietly tip-toed to the bathroom and took a shower careful not to mess up my bandage, id need to cover this up later. I then got dressed into my Pjs after my shower and slipped into bed. My thoughts lingering around Mr Blake and wandering what would have happened if he didn't save me from hurting myself, would I have died? Surely not, but I just didn't know what I'd done to deserve him, he was the best.