Stylist {j.h} A BTS Fanfiction - ON HIATUS

십팔

Her

Click, click, click.

I snapped another few shots of the tide coming in before standing upright and checking the display. Perfect.

I stood and walked over to a chair under the shade of a restaurant's outside dining area and plopped down. I sagged, limbs askew and camera dangling precariously from a few lazy fingers. Updating my portfolio was a chore sometimes but I'd do anything to get into a different college- preferably in Korea. I was never going back to the school where my life had shattered.

I sighed and closed my eyes against the bright glare of the sun. I wanted to go home. I hated the idea of seeing places that had once been so special to me- to Takai- but I missed it all so dearly. The smells, the sounds, the sights of living in Japan. A part of me yearned to be back at my grandparent's apartment outside of Kyoto. But the memories haunting the places we'd gone, they places he had made special, made my very bones quiver in fear. What if I relapsed? I was already edging towards a relapse. The dream from last week had shaken me pretty hard. It was not a good sign that I was having nightmares again. 

What if he was back from America? He had a few distant cousins in Seoul. Would I run into him back in Korea, too?  My hands started to shake at the thought of him in Korea, the very place I had run to from him. Memories I had pushed away nibbled at my concentration. 

I lowered my camera, hands too unsteady to press the correct buttons. Oh, no. I bit my lip and leaned forward onto my knees and pressed my forearms against my thighs.

'Just breathe, Hiroko. You are in control. He isn't in your life anymore. You just need to breathe.'

In and out. Relax the shoulders, the face, the hands. In and out.

Minutes passed by but I didn't notice. I was in control again. It was alright. I picked up my camera and smiled. All thoughts of returning to Japan melted away as I stepped into the burning sunshine.

Heavy fast footsteps come from behind me. I felt my shoulders tense up.

"Hiro!" A familiar but muted voice called out.

I felt myself curling up inside my shell. I wanted to scream. He had done enough damage already. I sighed and stood up, brushing off the dirt from my hands, trying to act like my body wasn't already shutting out his words. 

"What is it, Chai?" I said as I started to turn around. "I don't really want to talk to you right no-"

A warm embrace caught me from behind. A whiff of sandalwood tickled my nose as the speaker buried his face in the crook of my neck. "Iffs meh, Hoseoh."

His voice sounded like he'd squished up his nose in his rush to hug me. I softened around my frazzled edges. It wasn't Chai. It was Hoseok! 

I still couldn't handle Chai, even a week later. I had ignored all his calls and left him on read every time he tried to reach out to me. He knew that I just thought of him as an older brother. I had even explained to him my reasoning for why I thought that way. His excuses that he had been drunk and didn't know what he was doing that night weren't enough. Any drunker and he wouldn't have been able to remember the afternoon. I was sick of his excuses and sick of being his friend. 

"What are you doing here?" I asked curiously. I raised my camera at the building ahead of us and refocused my lenses. I tried to ignore his arms around me and the exhilarating and heady feeling that comes with him being near me. His chin rested on my shoulder, sending tiny zips of electricity pulsing down my arms. 

I fumbled as I focused my lenses. "It can't be just to see me, can it?"

He laughed deep in his throat. The sound made my shoulder vibrate. My stomach did a backflip. I bit my lower lip to hide a smile.