Nurul Qalbi

chapter thirty-three

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As i entered the house i did not even care to look at my surroundings, i just followed my aunties to where i presumed was my room..they sat me down and expressed their condolences saying words that i couldnt comprehend..mamah squeezed my shoulder in an it's gonna be ok way and led the women outside..i was left alone all by myself in this strangers house who was so called my husband.. I glanced around and located the bathroom..i splashed water on my face and laid down crying myself to oblivion..

I woke up to the soft sound of the Quranic recitation playing in the living room.. I checked the time and realized i had missed subhi prayer.. I dragged myself off the bed and prayed.. Staying on the ground supplicating..a soft knock was placed on my door and the knob slowly turned..

"good morning.err..how was your night..eemm Hope you rested well..i knew you were so tired thats why i did not wake you up.. He said scratching his head..Breakfast is on the table downstairs..erhm if you are done you can come downstairs"..he spoke

Anger was building deep within me.. How dare he.. How dare he pretend everything was honky dory and come to my room acting sweet and all..

"i am not hungry"..i replied through gritted teeth

"but you slept on an empty stomach yesternight and also am very sure you had nothing to take"...

"DONT YOU GET IT.. LEAVE ME ALONE!!.. WHAT DONT YOU UNDERSTAND..I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU.. YOU JUST CAME INTO MY LIFE AND DESTROYED EVERYTHING AND HERE YOU ARE ACTING LIKE EVERYTHING IS NORMAL..HECK!!.. I DONT EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME.. I DONT KNOW YOUR FAMILY AND AM HERE SUPPOSEDLY MARRIED TO YOU..COULD YOU PLEASE LET ME BE!!!..

"am sorry hanan..he replied in a cool voice.. I just thought you needed something but since you want to be left alone fine.. But please dont hesitate to let me know if you need anything"..

He closed the door and i broke down into a pool of tears..

I stayed that way till zuhur.. I prayed and went to the kitchen to get something to eat.. I saw the covered food he left and ignored it.. I proceeded to pick an apple and went back to the room..after asr prayer i heard a soft knock on my door.. This guy doesn't know when to stop.. I angrily opened the door and met the two set of the most beautiful eyes you could ever find..

"sultan and sultana.. Who brought you here.. I asked raining kisses on them..

"it was abbah.. Sultana spoke"

Anger built within me.. "why do you keep calling him that.. Do you even know him?"..i chastised

"uncle M said he is our Abbah.. Grandma also said that and grandpa too.. He said you were crying and wanted us to come and play with you.. Grandma refused but he begged her.. He even bought sweets for us "..sultan spoke

I dragged then to the sitting room where he was sitting with his head buried in his hands..

"you did not have to do this.. Being your prisoner is enough.. Why dragging my kids too.. Did you think you can win my trust through them.. Think again"..

"hanan..i just think you needed some company before you fall sick by crying.. I did not do so for any selfish motive"..

"i see.. "

"ummi.. I want to stay with abbah.. Sultana whined"

"no.. You are not staying with him.. He is a stranger and what did i warn you against strangers? "..i dragged the both of them.. sultana was throwing a tantrum i did not know when i hit her.. The only thing i knew next was him raising his hands up.. Then lowering it down and dragging her away from me..

"you can do whatever you want to me but dont dare raise your hands to them again.. "

He dragged sultana away..sultan also released my hands and followed them to his room..

I stood transfixed to the spot.. I never felt so dejected and lost my whole life.. Even my children had now abandoned me.. I stayed there crying for hours..

Later in the day i called salmah.. She picked but did not say a word..

"am sorry salmah.. I did not mean to yell at you.. I was broken.. A lot had happened and i was happy everthing was going to be ok.. Only for it to come crashing down.. Am lost salmah.. Everone had left me including my kids.. I dont know what to do anymore..please salmah.. Dont leave me too"..i broke down into tears

"hush baby.. Hush.. Momma is here for you..and who said everyone has left..am here and everyone is also there.. You just dont want to admit the truth and move on with you life"

"how can you say that salmah.. You of all people should know..i was not prepared for this.. You guys forced me into this.. And look where it ended me..am broken salmah"...i went ahead and narrated everything that happened within the span of the 28hrs i was here..

"subhanallah hanan.. How could you do such a thing.. Are you forgetting you are a muslim.. What came over you.. Is this the training our parents instilled in us.. Koman zafi mijin ki ne.. Ko kin manta ne (no matter what.. He is your husband)..through out yesterday you slept with the anger of your Lord and still you dont feel remorse.. He is your husbnad for God sake.. You even thank God he did not do anything stupid and still trying to adjust to you.. From all indications he is a good man.. Not that am in support of him but..marriage is an ibadah.. If not for him do it for your Lord.. Please dont fall victim of those women that will enter jahannam because of the disobedience to their spouse.. I want you to make everything right again.. Go do it before i call mamah and tell her everything"..

"but.. "..

"no buts salmah.. Go repair your home and watch everything fall into place.. Show the world you are strong and pass this test so that we become the women of jannah in shaa Allah"

"thank you salmah.. I dont know what i could do without you.. You are a very priceless jewel everyone deserves to have"..

"you see.. But God gave me to you.. Be thankful..now go show him what hanan is made off and make us proud baby"...

I sighed and cut the call.. I went to the bathroom and ran a warm shower.. Applied kohl to may eyes.. I need to make things right.. I was so stupid.. Not giving a chance rather condemning everything.. First step.. clean up.. Check.. Second step cook for the family..

I entered into the kitchen and prepared spagetti and beef sauce making sure everything was to taste i made also some pineapple, coconut and ginger juice which were the kids favourite .. Cooking check..now for the third and final step..talk to him and ask for forgiveness..

I slowly walked to him room and knocked.. Waiting for the worse to come...

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