Nurul Qalbi

chapter twenty-six

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Silence wrapped the room in its sheets for almost thirty minutes..tears already cascading from my eyes..they should not force me into what i dont want..am not ready to commit myself into any relationship talk more of marriage..he has just been gone for nine months..its not even up to a year..why are they being selfish?

"I want you to be happy hanan..i dont want you to feel you are indebted to stay unmarried for us because you bore my grandchildren from me...live your life, you are still very young..i will support you all the way"...mamah spoke breaking the silence

"No, mamah...i cant do this..am not ready, i have not even finished mourning him and you are already talking me into another marriage..i cant bear it please..dont talk about this again"..i spoke

"Hanan my dear..i just want to tell you that...if mourning is the problem then it wont ever stop..you had a love marriage and most especially you bore kids for him...seeing them would always trigger a memory..am his mother..nothing is more painful than telling my sons wife to get remarried...i wont lie to you,i want you all by myself but i just have to let you go.. These children would not pose a problem on you..i and my daughters would take very good care of them..please hanan be happy"

"She is right halima"...i turned and saw mummy standing by the door side

"If you want to get married you can, be free, live your life, you are still young, you don't want to die a widower right? There are so many problems widowers face in our current society..they are tainted..denied and rejected..i saw you with Muhammad.. Wallahi i knew you were genuinely happy..you can still get married and still be happy"..

"No"..i screamed, suddenly regretting why i did..i calmed my self down and spoke.."i wont be forced or coerced into this, am not ready, Muhammad just makes me happy, being happy does not necessarily mean am ready for marriage, i still hurt deep down, and nobody is taking my babies away from me..their mother will always be with them..i would be their pillar and support..i will build them.. I would become the dad they never had..i will stay strong for them"

Mummy sighed and spoke "yes i believe you, i know my daughter is strong, i know you can, but hanan let me tell you..you cant fill the father figure completely.. There would always be an ache deep down, a yearning for a father..you cant subside that most especially in our society...you cant be both..its better to find a man who would grow together with your kids..who would nurture them like his own..who would take care of you all"...

I stood up quietly and headed for the door" i dont need anyone to keep me happy..i am contended in my own world..and yes..i can keep my children happy and i will"..then i walked out without glancing back

"I heard mamah spoke..anytime you are ready or you find someone you can always let us know"..

I quickly ran to my room and shut the door crashing down on my bed sobbing uncontrollably then i felt someone fingers on my head..

"Uhmm ukhtee..sultan has been crying i was looking for you so i came up here..is anything the matter"..

I raised my head and it was fauziyya.. I did not even know she was inside the room..i collected sultan and hugged him like my life depended on it..after some time..the tears subsided and i fed him..cradling him till he slept off..

I could not meet fauziyya eyes..i kept glancing at sultans face..

"I heard ummah and abbah speaking today before we came here..they want you to get married again"..

"Please fauziyya not that talk again..not you too..am tired..am not ready to move on..you don't understand what am going through.. No body would ever be like him..no one will"...

After some times she spoke in a calm voice.."ukhtee i just want you to know that no matter what happens..am always with you..i approve for you to move on..i would always support you...if you are ready..would i be the first to know?"..she smiled

I hugged her tightly and we stayed like that till i was calm..we spoke of many things and nothing..after an hour she was called and they left..i took out my prayer mat and performed sallah..praying for the best to come..i sat there till it was time to give my babies a bath..

The days continued that way..me tirelessly taking care of my kids..although every one was there to cater for their needs but i had to do so myself because it keeps me busy and stops me from thinking about him..

Yaya Muhammad kept his promise he came exactly two weeks after he left..i was so happy he was back, he bought so many thing especially for his baby sultana..am very sure if she begins to talk the first syllable she would utter would be his name..she already acts comfortable whenever she is with him..

I walked into the room and i saw him trying to wear a dress for her..the sight was very hilarious.. He was holding her like someone who would break..

"What are you trying to do yaya"

"Cant you see..she wants to model for me..we want to know whether this color suit her skin..if not we are throwing it away"..he continued what he was doing

"And why are you holding her like someone that wants to break?..i stifled a giggle..she is a month and two week now..she is not that fragile anymore you know"

"My baby is still as fragile as she can be..maybe that big head is not fragile..you can drop him all you want..but this right here..(pointing to sultana)..is still an egg"...here all done..

He cradled her and began taking snapshot of her and the little demon(i hope he did not hear that)..was smiling like she knew what was actually going on..

I sat on my the dressing mirror watching them..taking the scene before me..i was dragged out of my reverie by mummys voice..

"What are you guys doing here..dinner is ready"

"Yaya Muhammad here is making his sultana model for him..and me here is the audience"..i broke into laughter..

Yaya Muhammad began scratching his head and trying to hide the phone..

"You better come downstairs and eat..masu yara an ji jiki..muhammad na sultana..." She laughed and exited the room..

"Hanan..am so gonna get revenge on you..must you tell mummy..now you made me look obsessed with a little girl"..

"Aren't you obsessed"..

"Well its true i am..but you don't have to make it look that way..now i wont hear a word again from mummy and mamah..zasu sa ni a gaba kenan...you are so lucky am still holding her..i would have exert my revenge on you"..

We walked downstairs together, him holding sultana and i holding sultan..

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Hausa is so difficult to translate to English..but manage this weak one like that😢

Masu yara an ji jiki, Muhammad na sultana - well done..father of a child.. Muhammad beloved of sultana..

Zasu sani a gaba kenan - they would always tease me about it

P.s yaya Muhammad heard hanan calling his sultana a little demon.. They are here fighting and me eating popcorn..who wants to join me😎🍦🍟

Sooo my people..if you want to ship Halmad (halima and Muhammad) raise your hands😀😀..

Sahbeerah luvs yhu😘😘😘