Nurul Qalbi

chapter thirty-eight

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The atmosphere was thick in grief..i was already shedding my own portion  of tears..we hugged each other both crying,  trying to derive solace from one another..

I have been so selfish and self centered..i knew everyone has a sad story to tell.. But how can someone be this grieved and still looked strong.. Allah has given me so many chances after zahradeen.. And am about to throw away the one Allah is giving to Muhammad..

When he calmed down a little.. He detached the hug and dragged me to the floor.. He laid me down and rested his head on my chest..

"you know that not even the saddest part of the story.. "

"there is still more!!!.. Ya Rahman what are you made of Muhammad"

He chuckled and snuggled closer "i had close family.. And i think God left me to meet you"...he pecked my belly.. Butterflies swam and swam.. Till i felt them in my toes..

"well.. After i was shot.. I went into a coma because of the shock for almost 9months, i was so lucky i did not die.. They said the bullet grazed my skull when they shot me...during that period i lost the only parent i had... my mum... Imagine me not waking up to her.. When i regained consciousness i lost memory of what happened..i will always ask of Aisha and noor.. I was becoming angry that she could forsake me in the hospital.. When i became so angry.. I told my brother to get me a pen and  a paper..i wanted divorcing her..imagine me divorcing an already dead woman.. How would she leave me without even bringing my daughter to see me.. That was when they told me what happened...the grief came like a tornado destroying all happiness i had.. I withdrew into myself.. Aisha's mother stood by me.. Thats why i could never forget her....i never thought about marriage again... I could never cheat on her like that.. After what i put her through before she died..i did not want any woman to go through that again. I dont deserve any more happiness.. It was all my fault and i have to live with it, a burden i had to bear.. I had nightmares for years.. I could not even get used to it.. Each one came with another style.. Sometimes she would go up in flames.. Some times i would be the one drowning her.. Sometimes she would be soaked in blood.. I never had nightmares about noor.. She was always peaceful when ever i dreamt about her... I always knew every cloud has a silver lining...but mine seemed so far away..till that very day"...

I sat upright and held his gaze.. "is this the part where you met us? "...

He smirked.. "you wish.. This is the part where i met my noor...."

my heart jumped in my throat...was she still alive.. "you mean sultana ko.. "

"yea.. Jealous much? "...he pulled my cheeks and kissed me again.. Ya Wadud.. This muschiness is getting too much..

"after four years of staying in my shell.. I did what i thought would take it away...i started working my limbs off.. I would stay in the office for days just to avoid coming back home and face my reality.. I became very strict.. The people who knew my story symphatized.. The ones who did not know hated me.. I couldn't care less.. I could never forget.. The day i met noor was the day A client contacted our firm for some work and i needed to do some follow up on him... So i misdailed his number and got yours instead..at first when it rang the first two times i became angry.. I wanted rescinding the contract but something gnawed at the back of my mind to dail again.. And i did.. then i heard the sweetest voice ever..

"hello.. My ummi is not here"..

"who is this little angel? "...

"silly... My name is not angel.. My name is zahra and i am four years old"

"ok zahra... Where is your dad"

"my ummi says my abbah travelled since...before we were born.. But she says he will come comeback.. Are you my abbah"...

I was so speechless i couldn't give any answer to her.. But something kept biting at the back of my mind that he was dead.. And she was trying to hide it from them..

"uhhhmmm... No am not your abbah"..i slowly said

"no.. You are my abbah silly.."

"ok... You know what am going to talk to you later.. I have some work to do now...my noor"... When i said the word, i felt what i had not felt in years.. Pure bliss.. Just these two sentence..

"yayyy..bye Abbah... I love you"..

"i love you too my noor"...

"After the incident... I started feeling better... The nightmares reduced a little.. But i could not bring myself to dial the number again.. Fortunately i was finding it difficult to sleep on one of those days.. When my phone rang.. I was scared of picking the call but i did anyway and it was still her.. We spoke for long.. Cracking jokes,  she was angry i did not call back... I had to lie and tell her i will be coming very soon.. She was over the moon.. That was the day i spoke to zahradeen also.. I was so happy speaking to both of them...my worries was being elevated slowly so we made it a routine.. We had times which we spoke on phone..well not until the day you discovered "

Then it started coming to me...the twins would always pick my phone saying they want to play games.. But i never noticed a pattern.. Those little cute bunnies..

"one day... I had the nightmare again...something i did not have since i started talking to the twins.. Aisha was calling out to me.. She was smiling never the less but when i got closer.. She started shedding tears and was covered in blood.. She started screaming and was engulfed in flames.. when i woke up.. I freshened up and went outside.. Then without recourse hailed a taxi and went to the amusement park... That was when i saw you guys.. I was very sure she was my noor..her voice sounded soothing just like how it was on phone... I had to come closer... and when i did my doubt was cleared when i saw they were twins.. And was finally confident when she called me her abbah... I had to do something, although i was scared Muhammad was their dad but it was also cleared when i made investigations on you... And i had to do something to make you mine, you reminded me so much of her,  when i heard what you went through i was so confident i knew you were the one for me.. You were someone that could take care of me...

He then sat upright and took my hands in his he looked into my eyes and i could see series of pains swirling in his orbs..

"I had been in the dark for so long Hanan i need some light and love...please hanan be the coolness of my heart.. Please take the pain away... Do not make me die a sorrowful man.. Hanan i beg of you.. " he buried his head on ny neck and i felt the tears on my chest

"i will Muhammad...i will always be here,  now and forever..i would take the pain away.. I will always stand by you.. I would take care of you.. I am yours and forever yours"...i raised his head and leaned in for a kiss.. It was so subtle and reassuring.. We stayed like that for God knows how long.. Then i broke the silence..

"Habibi... How did you manage to convince daddy to get me married to you"...

He chuckled and drew me closer... "that.... Is a story for another day.. We need to go to bed now.. Its already 3:00am"...

"not fair"....i pouted

He picked me up in a bridal style and went into his room for the first time.. And that night there was nothing in the world that was wrong.. I was happy in my own way.. that night after almost two months of marriage we consummated our marriage.. Taking silent vows to be always there for one another..

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Hallo peeps.. Another chapter up

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