Ant and Dec Prompts

Declan

I can't remember the last time we were all happy.

I can't even remember the last time I was happy.

I can't remember feeling like an actual family.

I was only ten when he left. I kinda saw it coming really.

Because there were nights when the crying just didn't stop.

When the arguing didn't stop.

When the screaming didn't stop.

I could always hear Sarha in her room at night, crying out for Mam. 

She used to crawl into my bed and I used to hold her tight, covering her ears so she didn't have to hear any of the fighting.

I was never going to let her be hurt by anything.

But, no one was there to cover my ears.

Too many nights I cried myself to sleep.

Everyone else was oblivious to it all.

Because no one cared, really.

No one cared about what went on behind closed doors.

Not even if you arrived at school with bruises.

Or cuts.

Or burns.

Or broken ribs.

They were just too scared to get involved.

Too scared to stand up to my "Dad".

Then one day, it all stopped.

He walked out of our lives, leaving us with nothing.

And I know it must sound crazy,

But I was lonelier than ever.

Surrounded by people with their perfect dads and perfect lives.

It was almost as if they were rubbing it all in my face.

They knew they were better than me.

They looked down on me.

Because I couldn't afford the latest shoes.

And because I turned up to school in rags.

They all looked down on me.

Everyone.

But not Declan.

Declan, with his warm eyes and caring hands.

Declan, who was a friend to me when no one else was.

Declan, who reminded me of hope.

And love.

He made me feel as if I belonged.

Like I was actually deserving of his love.

And his dad. His dad treated me like I was his son.

His whole family made me feel as if I was one of them.

He showed me that none of it was my fault.

He told me that I should never blame myself.

He told me to love myself.

And then,

I wasn't a failure anymore.

I wasn't an outcast.

I was Anthony again.

But it didn't last.

It was just too hard.

I tried.

He's still here, in my head.

Even when he's gone, he's still here.

And he won't leave me alone.

And nothing will flush him out.

I mean, it's not a big thing to ask for is it?

To get a peaceful night's sleep.

To be rid of this torture.

To not wake up to a nightmare every single night.

Sweating.

Shaking

Screaming.

Feeling him all over my skin.

But I tell myself it'll be alright.

Because when I look down at the pills in my hand.

I tell myself I can sleep once I'm dead.

But then I think.

I can't do that to Dec.

Or our loving fans.

So I put the pills away.

And I dry my tears.

Because in the end, Dec will always be here.

And he'll always look after me.

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I wasn't actually going to end it like that but I felt I owed you guys something nice because I haven't updated this in...  how many days?  Over a month whoops

I'm joking, I actually couldn't bring myself to write that. Next time I will though, don't worry.  I'll make myself cry as well so you won't be suffering alone.

I think I'm a teeny but bored of the normal stuff I write because they all more or less end up with the same thing. And I've actually had two half finished drafts that I can't seem to write because words WON'T come OUT.

Which is weird because I wrote this really quickly, so maybe I need a change of style.

Should I write more like this or not? Please tell me what you thought of it because it's the first time I've written in a different style.  💖