December 13, 2018
U is for Unfair
I wonder what you talk about when you're drunk? I wonder what your sober thoughts are.
How do you act? Do you have the impulse to just do stuff? Do you become animated or do you isolate?
I'm not drunk. But is there anyone drunk who admitted they are?
I just want to tell you a lot of stuff.
It hurts that I can't tell you this straight to your face. I wonder if you see me would you like me? Would you think I'm pretty? Or would your eyes just pass me by? Would I fit your type? Would it be possible that you'll like me?
Would you like my personality? Or would you think I'm too much?
Would we even be friends? But I wouldn't be satisfied with friends. So let's not be.
It's all or nothing for me. And I'm sorry because I want all of you.
You know I wish I didn't know of you. Maybe it wouldn't be this hard.
Like can you see how crazy I'm beign right now?
Like who likes someone they don't know?
Because relality is I don't know you. I only know you base from what I see.
How unfair. How unfair.
You keep me up at night with all of my imaginations of you. Like how we would meet. How you would react if we meet.
You keep my head occupied. I keep on thinking about you. There would be times wherein your name feels heavy at the tip of my tongue, and just one push and I would spill everything to anyone who would listen.
I like talking about yyou. I like gushing over you. I like being proud of you. I want everyone to know about you. To see what I see. That you're a really good player. Youre talented. Youre skilled. All of that.
And I want to be able to call you mine.
You know, I read one of your fans say that it must feel nice to be the reason someone would say "Even when I'm losing, I'm still winning", after they lost a game.
I want to be that for you.
I want to be the one you look at in the crowd everytime you make a point. I want to be the one you first go to after you win a game. I want to be the one you share your concerns and your complaints about the game, the practice, your coach, or your teammates.
I want to be your inspiration.
I want to be the one you want to see after a stressful and exhausting day. Because I calm you. And seeing me relaxes you.
I wish. I wish.
But I am not that.
I am not any of that.
And for someone who "doesn't" have a crush on you, I do feel strongly, don't I?
I promise next letter I'll be sober. Sober in mind and body. And hopefully sober from you too.
This hurts.
Just an admirer,
Just Anon
