Beautiful Delusions

ch3:If I'm naive than your a fool.

' Zoey didn't know what love was but the lingering feeling she had after laying eyes on Marshall was the closest thing she could feel to it. He was her sanity in the world of chaos.' I read lowly from my book. It was a rainy day perfect for lounging around on the widow seat of my apartment. I stopped and ponder on what the text meant. At first glance one would say it was nothing more than a sappy love story between a broken girl and a golden boy ,but if you dug deeper you would find it wasn't a love story about two but about one.

"Ethan! It's Alissa!" A voice came from behind the door followed by some more pounding. I knew I would have to face her sometime ,but I wished it wasn't on such a perfect book reading day. I placed my book down next to my empty cup on the window seat before walking to answer the door.

"Ethy!" She said with a bright smile before  leaping into my arms. "I missed you. Why did you take so long to answer the door? I was knocking for hours." She said slapping my chest before walking further into my apartment. She was always so lively and cheerful, even in the most dull and dim moments.

"Sorry Alissa I got a new book." I said closing the door. I walked towards her stretching my stiff arms. "Coffee?" I asked pointing towards the kitchen.

"I'm fine." She said taking a seat on the sofa. "What have you been up to?" She asked eyeing my desk filled with paperwork.

"Just work ,therapy ,books and coffee." I said joining her on the sofa. " Did you gain weight?" I asked poking her tummy. She looked much more plumper than usual. Her waist was rounder, her hips were wider while her chest was more busty.

"Oh shut up!" She said punching me in the arm. " I just like doughnuts that's all." She said lifting her hands up to emphasize her love for the baked goods.

"Piggy." I said pushing her nose up to make a snout earning another puch from her. I missed her so much, she used to visit me every other day of the week while I was locked up ,but about three weeks before I was released she stopped visiting.

" Have you talked to Mom?" She asked playing with her fingers. She knew our mother was a sensitive topic for me. I loathe her, I hated every inch of her being.

"Have you talked to Dad?" I retorted. Alissa never really knew our dad ,she was far too young when the divorce happened. By the time she was able to think for herself our mother had already tainted our father's image in her eyes.

"I'm serious Ethan." She said giving me a dull look clearly not amused.

"I haven't and I'm not planning on to." I said looking away. "Hows school?" I asked trying to change the topic. I didn't want to continue this conversation, it would end badly for the both of us.

"Why do you always do this?" She asked pressing the topic.

"Alissa just stop. I don't want to talk about her." I said sighing. I didn't want us to fight. "I think you should leave I have a deadline at work and I need to finish it." I said standing up ,ready to show he out

"Why are you like this?! Why do you push her away, why do you push me away?!" She yelled throwing her hands up. "We have done nothing but love you! She went through so much and now your ignoring her! She is our mother!" She said continuing her rant.

"No she isn't." I said softly turning my gaze away from her.

"What did you say?!" She asked stepping closer to me.

"She's not my mother , Alissa! She's your's! My mother died the day she found out about our dad's affair." I said running my fingers through my hair. I couldn't take it, how she put my mother on this pedestal. My mom could do no wrong in her eyes.

"Your father caused her so much pain and you still defend him. He left you Ethan ,he left us how could you not see that he wants nothing to do with you!? Your so naive!" She continued to yell at me.

"If I'm naive then your a fool. A fool for believing everything our mother has told you. She used you to hurt him you really think she cares about us? Do you honestly thinks she loves us Alissa?! The only think she loves us her bar full of booze. You didn't go through the same hell with her! I stopped her from putting you through the same hell I had to live through! And you come here and yell at me! I suffered so you wouldn't! I was the disappointment so you could be the golden child!" I yelled at her not able to control myself. Silence fell upon us. Her tears were streaming down her cheeks but her gaze was rock hard. My eyes were brimming with tears that threatened to spill onto my cheeks, but I didn't let them.

" I should have left you to die." She finally said breaking the silence before pushing past me. She exited my apartment shutting the door loudly.

I finally let the tears fall not having the strength to continue holding them in.

"You are weak Ethan. You hurt her ,you are no good. Why continue this pathetic life? She's not holding you to your promise any more. Just die already!" The voices said mocking me.

"Shut up!" I shouted at no one
If anyone would walk in the would think I'm crazy.

"She said it herself ,the only person who cared for you told you  that she would have left you for dead." The voices said.

" Can't you just leave me alone!" I screamed griping my hair. My vision was blurry from the tears. I just wanted quite all I wanted was quite, but the quite never lasted! Why is it so hard?! Why do I have to go through this hell?! Why can't I just have more euphoric moments?! Why does my life only consist of hard times?! Why I'm I a failure?! Why am I not good enough?! Why can't I be happy?

Why do I keep trying?
____________________________________

What do you think please leave a comment and a like.

1 like = one good book reading day
^_^