Beautiful Delusions

ch9: Love, Khleo

"Suki?" She looks up from the mountains of paper work littered on my desk. "Could you find out when the coffee shop Kookies and Cream is opening. If possible arrange to rent out the whole building for a time slot of round about 2 to3 hours on Saturday. " I finished and continued with my own pile of papers.

"Yeah sure. Why the whole building? Are you scared you have a greenlight on you and a hitman is following you around?" She asked with her usual sarcastic tone.

"No, but for the sake of keeping the company out of my little outbursts its best the venue is cut off."

"Are you planning on having an outburst?"

"Its not the plan but its bound to happen when I'm around my father."

"Oh I see. So your last meeting was that bad ,huh?" I didn't reply to her question."I'll notify him you want to meet ." Thankfully she read the room and decided not to push   further. I gave a soft thank you and continued with the work.
____________________________________

Maya:I formally invite you Mister sleepy kitty Ethan to my private art viewing at 34 Sherman Oaks. 
-Yours truly the stunning Maya Langston.

I smile at the cuteness of her invite before replying
: A private art viewing?  If you want to get into my pants all you have to do is ask 😏

As expected she flips me the bird. I chuckle at her response stuffing my phone into my pants pockets.

I had finished most of my work early and decided to give Suki and I some much needed free time. She decided to go to a spa while I didn't really have any plans for the remainder of the day so I walked. Walking became therapeutic when I was locked up; I would walk for what felt like hours in the gardens trying to sort out my thoughts. Now after all this time I was walking again and like before I had no real destination. All the while focusing on the ground ;letting my feet take me where they wanted to go.

It wasn't long before they stopped in front of a broken down chain link fence. I looked around trying to make out where I was, it looked like a run down amusement park. The vegetation covered the once lively park only leaving a few patches open exposing the faded colours of the stales. All the rides stood as empty shells of their former glory; covered with rust. To the left you found the cup and saucer and merry-go-round while to your right stood the haunted house and roller coaster. I walked deeper into the park trying to find out why out of all places was I led here?

I wanted to turn back and head home but stopped when I saw it. The light bounced of the remaining layer of paint of the old bumper cars. I walked over to the ride hoping I would remember what they meant. My eyes started watering but I still couldn't find out why this place caused a gaping hole in my chest. I sat down trying to collect my thoughts but as soon as I felt the leather seat underneath me I understood. Everything came back to me in a wave of realisation and tears. This was where we had our first date

This was the ride we had out first kiss on. This was the place where I felt love for the first time. This was where I fell for... Khleo.

My heart aches with every passing memory of her. Her smile, her laugh, her hair, her eyes-- her beautiful eyes. Those eyes that twinkled when we  were together were the same eyes who laid lifeless when she died.

"You let her down Ethan."

"Stop it leave me alone!'' I gripped the ends of my hair pulling on the strands hoping the voice would come out with the hair.

"You let her die!"

"Shut up! Please-" My cries becoming louder and more painful with each word.

"You didn't love her enough!"

"Pl-please! Ca-can't you...you-" My faced burned as tears continued to run down my cheeks. I didn't try and stop them; it would be pointless. The wheel being my only support.

"You what? What DO YOU WANT?! HUH?! YOU WANT ME TO STOP?! You want me to care about you? WHILE YOU DIDN'T CARE ABOUT HER!"

"I did- did care about her! YOU DON'T KNOW A GOD DAMN THING!"

"You cared so much did you now? If you cared you would have seen how broken she was! HOW SHE NEED YOU! IF YOU CARED SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE NOW BUT SHE'S NOT! DO YOU KNOW WHY BECAUSE YOU LET HER DIE!"

It was right ,it was always right! How could I not seen it happen in front of my very eyes!? I loved her more than ANYTHING! Yet I failed her in the end. Now all I can do is cry my eyes out on this stupid ride and reminisce about her.

The more I cried the heavier my limbs felt till they were impossible to keep up. They felt to my sides in a last resort to keep me up right but the gaping hole in my chest was not helping. My fingers curled around something stuffed in between the seats pulling at the object. It was a envelope with my name written on it in sharpie. I tore it open digging out the hidden content. There was a folded piece of paper which I assumed was a letter and photo of Khleo and I on our first date.

I wiped the tear trails from my cheeks hastily unfolding the letter.

Dear Ethan

If you found this letter it means I'm not here anymore. You must be wondering why I did what I did. Why I left you after promising to stay by you.

I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise to you. I was being a bit selfish but I didn't think I could watch you or my family see me waste away. I didn't want to go through the process of loosing my mind day by day.

The doctors told me Im schizophrenic and nothing could be done about it. I had to live with it. I was going to loose my mind day by day. Seeing things that weren't there; hearing things that I shouldn't. At times I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything! All I did was sleep. I knew I would end up either in the loony bin or 6 feet under. They said the treatment they could give me wasn't a permanent fix and if I stopped I would fall back into the cycle. I tried my hardest to stick to them but it felt embarrassing. I hated being that odd one out. So I stopped taking them. I thought I didn't need them. That the doctors got it wrong, they had to have gotten it wrong.

I love you. I love being with you but I didn't want to be the one that would cause you so much pain. I didn't want you to be spectator to my insanity.

Remember that day in the library when I asked what would you do if I wasn't here anymore and you laughed and said you would die. I yelled at you for being so absurd and told you if you did I would come back and kill you myself. I told you, you should live your life for me. That you should be happy for me. That you should move on for me. I made you promise to love living and to move on. And you made me promise not to leave any time soon. We brushed it off as a joke but I hope you took what I said to heart. I hope you have an amazing life and I pray you stay happy.

I'm just sorry I couldn't be there for you. Im sorry we couldn't be together like we said. Im sorry I couldn't keep my promise to you.

This is not your fault in the slightest. It's not my fault either it was just bad dumb luck. Don't think you didn't do enough or you let me down. You made me the happiest. You made me love life. I love you Ethan Cooler more than anything! So it pains me to say goodbye.

Love, Khleo.

"It wasn't you fault Ethan..." ____________________________________

This chapter took so long but at least it's done.

See you in the next one

Knifes and glitter^_^