can anybody find me... // hardzello [FINISHED]

i have spent all my years in believing you - part II

***TW: General Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety, Panic Disorder***
Joe's POV bois
His first two days at the job were rather normal, Joe stayed in the little technical room with headphones giving orders to the cameras, plus some paperwork. Nothing out of the ordinary and quite frankly not what Joe wanted to be doing. He asked his superiors once if he could do any changes in regards with the camera's positioning, and the answer was no, and when Joe asked why, the answer was "this is the BBC, that's how things are done around here". I mean, he could be considered rude for wanting to change things on his first week there, but still, he thought it was unnecessary.
After his day was over, he could only think about going to the coffeeshop where Ben worked. He was excited, he thought he would recluse himself in his bubble and not make any friends. In one hand, he was proud of himself for making a friend, he felt like he had overcome his social anxiety for once, but in the other he felt like he was clinging onto Ben and bothering him, meaning: anxiety's score 1.000, Joe's score 1.
He left the BBC complex and ran to the subway station (or "underground" as Ben would call it), ready to go talk to him, about his day or Maddie, he was just happy that he wasn't completely alone. I mean, he had Rami, but it had been years since they last saw each other, and even though Joe knew they would still be friends the slightest idea of having a minute of awkwardness terrified Joe, made his legs turn into jell-o and his heart speed up like crazy, he wasn't ready to talk to him in person yet. But Ben was fine. He did have a feeling of clinging Ben but he at least didn't feel unilateral, he had a gut instinct that told him that Ben also liked talking to Joe. His thoughts fluctuated between the anxiety of Ben just being nice to him, and actual belief that he was worth of a friendship. When he got in the coffeeshop he had to brush those thoughts away or else he wouldn't be able of having a normal conversation with Ben. Coincidentally, he got in the establishment at the exact same time as yesterday, 5:11pm (Joe was a bit of a freak in regards to time). He entered the place, and saw Ben with a sort of tired sort of joyful look on his face.
— Hi, I'll have a cortado please. — Joe asked ironically
— Joe fuck off with the fake politeness, ask me about my day!
— How was your day?
— Amazing! I'm gonna go out with Maddie!
— That's... that's incredible Ben! — Joe said in a soft tone — What are you guys doing?
— Movies.
— Oh. That sounds fun. — Movies for a first date? Seriously? That is so straight that it terrified Joe
— It really doesn't judging by your tone.
— No, It's fun, movies are great! — That was a lie. It's just plain dumb to go to the movies in a first date.
— Not for a first date though.
— Well, you're saying that, not me.
— I know that mate, but she asked, not me. I would have gone for maybe a walk, bowling or arcade.
— Those are all incredible ideas, but I'm sure you'll have fun at the movies.
— Well, either I'll be too entertained by the movie and completely ignore her or we'll make out and I'll lose a couple of pounds on the ticket.
— That's the spirit. — Joe loved Ben's sense of humor, and he loved that Ben felt comfortable around him to use it. That thought warmed Joe's heart a little, it was a nice feeling. — Now, which movie will you be seeing?
— I don't know, I'll let her choose, but if i was going for a make out session, probably some science fiction with loads of special effects. If it's just us watching the movie, probably some foreign film that's going by. That'd be fun but it wouldn't really feel like a date you know.
— Yeah man totally. I mean, if i was gonna take a guy out, it'd provably be to a rock pub, to a restaurant, a walk or a museum.
— Yeah, those... those are actually great ideas. I mean, certainly ideas I would enjoy.
— Um yeah, me too. And certainly Maddie! I mean, the first date is gonna be the movies, ugh such a classic straight move, but the next dates can be whatever you want really. Take her to a cool bar or maybe to an art gallery.
— Damn Joe, or should I say Love Doctor? —Ben closed his eyes for a second and shook his head slightly — That was terrible — He smiled — Sorry about that. Anyway, that's great advice, if we ever marry you're gonna be my best man — Ben said jokingly. At least Joe hoped so, because if the guy was actually thinking about marriage even before their first date, that's probably an indicator of some belonging issues.
— Best man? — Joe put his hand on his chest and made an exaggerated offended face — I feel attacked, I wanted to be the bridesmaid!
Ben laughed a little too loud to a point where a, most likely irish judging by the accent, man with this full mustache came out of the back of the store.
— Ben I'm not paying you to crack up some jokes with your friend, get back to work!
— Sure thing Paul. — Ben said loudly — I hate this guy, he's the worst.
— I didn't see him here yesterday, is he the owner?
— No, but he's my manager, although he doesn't manage anything to be quite honest. Well, time to close off the shop.
Joe checked the time, 5:24pm.
— You can't close it.
— What do you mean? It's almost 5:30pm mate.
— I know but it's not. Someone could walk in at any minute! — Joe noticed he had sounded really impolite — I'm sorry, that sounded rude. You obviously can close the shop, — He meant it but the mere idea of closing the coffeeshop before 5:30pm made Joe sweat cold, but he couldn't be a freak to Ben, not now — I mean, you're the one working here.
It was now 5:26pm.
— No you're right — Ben smiled politely — I should wait.
— You can close it, forget what i said.
— No, I know but you were right. Someone could walk in at any minute and order a latte or ask for directions. I'm not gonna deny that hypothetical person a latte or directions, so I'll wait.
Joe checked again. 5:27pm. Three more minutes.
— Why a latte?
— I don't know, that's just usually what people order.
— That's what I ordered yesterday here.
Ben nodded, checking on his pockets for his phone, probably.
— Yeah, you see! You didn't know what to ordered so you just asked for a latte.
Joe looked again for the time and noticed Ben doing the same. It was 5:28. No, the clocked changed, 5:29pm.
— There's only one minute left ben, you should be walking over to the door to close it, then it will be closed at 6:30pm.
Ben walked from behind the counter, untying his apron and throwing it over his shoulder.
— Are you sure you're not british? The punctuality thing seems really important to you Joe.
— Um, I don't know — Joe laughed awkwardly, how was he supposed to answer that? — I guess that time freaks me out a bit. It's you know, limited to people, so I like to have it under control.
Joe was fidgeting, that topic was making him anxious. What if Ben thought he was a sociopath? A psycho? A weirdo? He probably did and sill there was Joe trying to explain himself. He felt his heart racing and he felt the palms getting sweaty. His legs started shaking a bit and he was spacing out. He was alone with Ben and he could not fuck it up now, they'd have to take the same train and it'd be weird if Joe made things awkward. In a second, he felt a heavy hand on his left shoulder.
—... are you okay mate? Joe, do you need something? Water? Look, it's 6:31pm, I closed the shop at exactly 6:30pm. Joe? Mate?
— Yes! What do you need? Where are we going?
— Jesus Christ, you scared me. Are you okay?
— Um, yeah, sorry for that. I just spaced out a bit, but I'm okay.
— Okay good. So, underground we go?
— Subway station we go, yes.
Ben rolled his eyes and mumbled "americans". Joe laughed and pushed Ben slightly. They went on their way to the station quietly humming "Gimme Shelter" by the Rolling Stones and sometimes making bad jokes to each other. They got in the train and went on with their songs, stupid jokes, fake offenses to each other's countries, until they had to part ways.