can anybody find me... // hardzello [FINISHED]

i worked and i ached my bones

The sun started to rise on that beautiful Saturday morning. The sky wasn't quite clear, some clouds painted it and disguised the pure blue, that now was actually almost entirely pink, with some strands of orange on the far horizon, and beams of gold escaping the clouds scattered around the sky. Ben was a sucker for sunrises. Sunsets were cool, but sunrises mesmerized him, everything about them was not only poetic but also utopian in a way, they were too perfect. So he got up to the window, admiring every detailed of the sky as if he was looking for a melting painting. When he realized, Joe was standing next to him, arms crossed in his chest.

— It's beautiful.
— It is fantastic.

Ben looked over at Joe, he was smiling peacefully. He scanned through Joe's face and he noticed a little brown dot on his cheek.

— Joe you have something... — He reached his thumb over to Joe's cheek, rubbing it over the little apparent smudge on his face — on your cheek...

Joe looked to Ben's thumb and just stood still, Ben could feel Joe's skin and his slow breathing, coming in through his nose, out from his mouth. In... Out... In... Out...

Ben in a second started breathing in the same pace, and rubbed his thumb up when joe breathed in, and down when out. He removed his hand from Joe's cheek and put it in his pocket.

— There you go. All good.
— Thank... than you, Ben.
— No problem.

Ben looked to the window again, observing the sky become more blue and the beams of golden sunlight become more bright. He didn't quite know why he cleaned Joe's cheek, he felt the need to, a random compel to do it himself.

They were both so silent, looking at the sun, sharing that view with each other but at the same time just absorbed in their own thoughts and little worlds. It was a peaceful moment that Ben wished he could freeze and look at every time he would feel sad, or angry or just anything that wasn't what he was feeling at that moment. He wished he could feel like that and...

"Would Maddie be able to make me feel like this?"

He thought, and immediately regretted it. He occasionally thought of her during the night, but he could easily erase her from his head when he was watching the movie. Watching the sunrise was more complicated, he didn't have a dialogue on screen to pay attention to, he had his thoughts and the sky. He didn't want to think about her, it hurt him. He didn't know if it was because he actually liked her or if it was just the fact that he was once again thrown away and ignored hurting him.

Ben didn't notice he was tense until Joe said something.

— Hey Ben, are you alright?
— What?
— You have your fists closed and your jaw clenched. Is everything okay?
— Oh... um... I'm so sorry, it's Maddie again.
— Oh. Okay.

Ben let his muscles loose again, adjusting his posture and getting more relaxed as he took a deep breath.

— I know, it's boring to hear me talking about her all the time, it's just that I can't figure out what did I do wrong.

Joe placed his hand on Ben's arm and stared in his eyes very seriously, like he was about to tell him the secret of life. To be honest, that look on Joe's eyes intimidated Ben a little.

— Ben, I wasn't on the date obviously but I can assure you, you did nothing wrong. I mean, you talked about the date for days, and it didn't seem like you screwed anything up. If anything, Maddie could be going through stuff. Or she could be an asshole, but lets just stick with the version that she has a lot going on in her life. — Joe side-smiled, a comfort gesture, to Ben. His friend wanted him to be okay, that warmed his heart. — Look, I just don't want you to be blaming yourself, okay?
— Okay. I'll try
— That's right.

Joe slowly let go of Ben's arm, turning around to the kitchen. He was grabbing the ingredients for the pancake when Ben walked closer, noticing that Joe was a ginger. He thought Joe had brown hair, but now he was starting to notice that Joe's hair was this mahogany brown, orange-ish on the sunlight, and that he had some freckles here and there, not much to be noticed at first glance, but enough to see if you payed close attention. It was sort of fascinating that he was discovering something about Joe that made him stand out more to the eye.

His nose was long, it was angular and made his face proportional, harmonizing with the soft traces of his brows and almond eyes. On one side, Ben was wondering what else in Joe made sense, the other side was trying to make some sense of the fact that Ben was staring at his friend carelessly.

Ben was taken out of his transe when he heard the noise of the pancake being flipped, quickly noticing Joe had seen Ben staring at him.

Needless to say that Ben was incredibly embarrassed.

aaaaaalright-y! this one was a bit of a shorter one but i think it's my favorite one yet =) hope you dudes liked it, i love writing this fic and i was wondering if i should write more????