can anybody find me... // hardzello [FINISHED]

i work hard

Friday was absolute hell. Gwil didn't go to work, Joe overslept and a bunch of clients were being rude to Ben, and he was not having it, so he might have overused sarcasm with some of them.

Gwil, 2:45pm: Hi, how's your day? Too bad without me? haha

Ben, 2:46pm: It's been actual hell, Gwil. Joe didn't even ride the train with me this morning.

Gwil, 2:46pm: Joe huh? No sure, who cares about me right lol it's just Joe now ;)

Ben, 2:47pm: What are you trying to say?

Gwil, 2:47pm: Absolutely nothing! Go back to work, dumbass
Gwil, 2:48pm: And lets hope Joe gets there at the end of the day :)

Ben didn't answer Gwil, it was just a joke and he shouldn't worry about it. It was just his friend poking fun at him for no reason.

"for no reason" it echoed on Ben's head. Yeah, no reason. He was being a little bitchy about not seeing Joe that day, but it was because it had become a routine, that's all.

He quickly erased Joe from his mind, the day was being Long and he was longing to go to Lucy's apartment and just let it go on the drums. Ben would never play outside of Lucy's home, but he had to say, that drumming was probably the thing he most loved to do. He could do it all night, every day and never stop, it was his passion, his animus, his motivation to get up in the morning.

He quickly texted Lucy to see when could he go to her place, and she replied right away that she would be out for the whole weekend at Rami's house and that Ben could have the place to himself, even sleep there if he wanted. Ben obviously said yes to staying the whole weekend. Lucy worked since she was very young and saved every penny she had to buy a nice apartment in a nice neighborhood, and plus had her mom's help with the rent for a few months, so her place was amazing! It was bigger than Ben's, in a nicer area, close to the underground and to a Tesco. Plus, she had her old drums sitting there, and since she had stopped playing when she was 16, Ben was free to use it whenever Lucy was out.

The rest of the day went by, with no particular occurrences, and Ben at this point was just waiting for Joe. When he finally got to the coffeeshop and Ben saw the smile of the ginger coming through the glass doors, something snapped out of his mouth, without much thinking.

— Hey Joe, do you wanna go to Lucy's with me? I'm gonna have the place for the weekend and I thought you might want to join at least tonight before you have to go home.
— Oh! Okay, yeah sure. — Ben saw that Joe got mildly uncomfortable — I don't know if I'll spend the night but I can go now, totally.
— Is that okay? With all that routine thing, won't that mess you up? — Forcing was the last thing Ben wanted, and of course he didn't want Joe having a major freak out because of routine and all.
— Yeah, that's alright. I have to learn to let go a bit, you were right. It's going to be fun!

Ben smiled, He was glad he could help Joe. And he was very happy that he'd have company for the first time while playing drums. He had a gut feeling that it'd be a good idea to drum for Joe, he kind of wanted to show off, get some approval and plus he wanted to finally have an audience.

— Perfect. I'll get your cortado and the toast with cheese and we can get going.
— Oh, no coffee today Ben, I'm saving.
— Who said you're paying? — Ben grinned — Let me be nice for once alright?

Joe rolled his eyes and was clearly hiding a smile. Ben's stomach dropped, but not in a bad way, more like a "I feel complete now" way. It was very complicated to describe the feeling, but it was warming.

— Let's go then.

//

On the train, they talked about anything and everything as always. Joe told Ben about his empty apartment and Ben shared his obsession with watching movies every night. The conversation got lighter and they talked about tea, but also got heavier when Ben opened up about how ambiguous he felt about smoking and drinking. During conversations about tea and cats, Ben could see Joe's worry over time vanish from his eyes and dissolve from his lips, but when they talked about more personal things, Ben saw the knot forming again in Joe's throat and the worry weighting his eyebrows down, so Ben tried to keep it all very lightweight.

Getting in Lucy's apartment, Ben was already used to night ins: the key that he could use was hidden under the cactus beside the door, if he drank anything he'd have to pay Lucy back, no smell of cigarettes when he left and cleaning too. Lucy was basically a very nice landlady for the weekend, who let Ben stay there as soon as he didn't fuck it up.

— So Joe, I play the drums.
— Really? That's so cool man! I didn't know that. Since when?
— I started when I was 14 and never really stopped. I started teaching myself but a year later when I met Lucy, she started teaching me some stuff. Later, Lucy stopped but I couldn't keep myself away from the drums. I kept learning things on my own and well, I play here at Lucy's on the weekends.
— No one knows about this?
— Besides Lucy? Just Rami, he's her boyfriend so eventually She told him.
— Family?
— They think I stopped. It's not like they hated it, but they thought it was a teenager thing.
— And you decided to tell... me?
— I think I did, yeah.

Joe looked to his shoes smiling softly.

— Do you trust me, Ben?
— Considering how long we've known each other, oddly enough, I do.
— So, if I asked you to play my favorite Queen song on the drums, would you?
— Do I know the song?
— Somebody To Love.
— I know the song.
— So...
— Just please don't expect much okay?
— Yes!

Ben was nervous, he had never played to anyone before, not after he turned 17 at least. He knew Somebody To Love by heart though, even if it wasn't his favorite song to play, it was one that had a special place in his heart. He guided Joe to the room with the drum kit, adjusted it a bit — he always tweaked on his kit, just to make sure — and sat down, asking for Joe to press play on the song on the count of three.

— Okay, one, two, three, go.

Joe pressed play, and Freddie's angelic voice blasted through the phone. When he started playing, the drums, all the anxiety went away. Marking the beat, hitting the cymbals or the tones was just his way of making sense of life. It was fun, it was meaningful, it offered a chance of Ben to have his perfect life, even for just a couple of hours, a chance to escape his current one, and it was the one thing Ben knew how to do. At this point, playing wasn't conscious, it was just this thing his body did when sat down behind the drums. Ben didn't have to think, he just had to let it flow, let it be and let it all go. When the song was over, he was sweating, his cheeks were red and he had a huge smile on his face, and Joe had one too. Ben suddenly remembered that Joe was there and he just hoped he had played well and not disappointed him.

— So... what do you think?
— I think...
— You think...?
— I think you're absurdly talented Ben. It's ridiculous, you didn't even seem like you were thinking about it, it was like you were born to do this! I... I can't even think about being that talented, at least not in music!

Ben looked to the ceiling letting a good laugh of relief leave his lungs. He was so nervous, he had never played in front of anyone before, not even Lucy, he stopped playing in front of her when she stopped playing.

— Thanks Joe, means a lot.
— You're incredible Ben, wow.

Ben felt like he could play for hundreds of hours more if it meant he could hear Joe say things like that.

aaaaaaaaaa idrk about this chapter, it feels like a filler but it's also not? i'll do more drumming chapters, i want more ben in the drums aihdjsbsnab
ALSO
GO LISTEN TO GANGSTERS ARE RUNNING THIS WORLD AND GANGSTERS ARE RUNNING THIS WORLD - PURPLE VERSION
ROGER IS STILL DOING BOMB MUSIC AND WE SHOULD ALL APPRECIATE IT