can anybody find me... // hardzello [FINISHED]

ooh, somebody

well you beautiful kings, queens and non binary royalty! i said that i was not gonna use much joe pov but i've come to the realization that 1. i do whatever the fuck i want and 2. sometimes is needed and i'm not gonna limit myself
that doesn't have any impact with this chapter lmao i just wanted to tell you guys that if things happen, they happen yk!

Ben's POV

At this point of the night, Ben was already drunk, very much sensible and highly motivated to have a good time. And Joe was coming to have a good time with him too! Ben got up from the couch he had collapsed in to and started running around the apartment singing:

— Joe Mazzello is coming! Joe my friend is coming! Joe the american is coming! Rami, I know his last name, I know all about him!

He laughed like crazy, spinning and falling repeatedly, trying to distract himself from the fact that he was feeling horrible and unloved. At some point, he was on the floor of the kitchen, crying silently with a huge grin on his face. He couldn't let his friends worry but he couldn't keep it in, so he took a few seconds to himself, to his own little grief. He had to brush it off though, because he heard the buzz of someone calling from the building entrance, and had to run and take it because he knew it was Joe, and he needed his friend right now.

He picked it up, and asked for Rami to open the door to Joe. He just collapsed on the floor again, laughing quietly about nothing.

When Joe came upstairs, He spoked to Rami and Lucy for a while, they seemed to catch up on some stuff and crack up some jokes. When Joe turned around to see Ben, the blond was on the floor still, but as soon as he saw Joe's worried complexion he got up, smiling like a fool

— Joey! Hey mate how's it going? — Ben threw himself over Joe on a sloppy hug — Awe Joey thank you so much!

Ben extended the last syllables of the words and giggled at the end of the sentence. He was a mess, a drunk, happy mess. Joe pulled away so he could see Ben properly.

— Hey Ben, everything good! How are you doing buddy? Everything alright?
— Well, not quite, no. But it's alright, it's all good Johny Boy. — Ben laughed at his own attempts to create new nicknames for his american friend. — I will be okay at some point.

Ben hugged Joe again, in hope for consolation and comfort. Joe hugged Ben tightly, and Ben could feel Joe's concern in the air around him, and he hated it. He wanted it to go away, he wanted Joe to see that he'd be fine, even if it didn't feel like it now. He pulled away from the hug and grinned innocently, looking at Joe as if he said "Hey, don't look at me like that, don't look at me like i'm about to shatter."

— Hey Ben, let's grab me a drink, huh? Do you have wine?
— Sure! But are you getting wine drunk? That'll not be fun the morning after.
— No Ben, silly! I'm not getting drunk, I'm here to let you have fun and take care of your wasted ass!
— Shut up Jo! I don't need to be taken care of! I'll get your wine and prove you that I'll be fine!

Ben got up sloppily, tripping a bit while walking towards the kitchen, leaving Joe on the living room. He grabbed the wine carefully, he wanted to be in control of the situation to prove Joe that he didn't need someone taking care of him, despite knowing damn well he did. As he poured the wine in the glass, he thought about how the droplets that sticked to the side of the crystal, the ones that faintly resembled a magenta color, how their tone was similar to Maddie's lips. He started crying, intensely this time. He brought the glass to Joe, sobbing but still, smiling. That's what he had figured that night, that smiling should help. And if he was being honest, it wasn't helping at all. He was still sad that Maddie abandoned him, he still was paranoid about the fact that he was unlovable and that he was the one to blame, always a zero or a hundred, he either did not care or he made too much of an effort.

— Hey Joe... I got your wine...

Joe looked at Ben and his eyebrows immediately weighting down on his chocolate eyes. Joe didn't say anything, he took the glass from Ben's hand with one hand and pressured Ben's right shoulder with the other.

— It's alright. You're alright. We're alright.

Joe whispered delicately, so Ben would understand that Joe meant that for him, not to Rami or Lucy. As if his words were queue, "Doing Alright" started playing, and Joe guided Ben to the couch. Lucy and Rami were dancing together in the middle of the living room, slowly and lovingly, it was adorable and Ben wished he had something like that. But he couldn't think about that right now, he couldn't cry more, he wanted to be strong.

That's when he felt Joe's arm wrapping around his shoulder, his hand pushing his hand to his shoulder. Joe sang along with the song, not on key, just softly.

— Yesterday, my life was in ruins, now today...
— God knows what I'm doing — Ben started singing as well
— Anyway — Both were now singing in unison — I should be doing alright... Doing alright...

Ben chuckled a bit. Yeah, Joe got it, he should be doing alright, it would be okay.

— You can cry Ben, I know you are strong and I know you are smart. You're safe here alright?

And that was the only thing Ben needed. A little permission to feel. And so he cried, he sobbed, he balled his eyes, he choked on his tears and his eyes got red and puffy. He'd feel Joe's hand stroking his hair and it felt nice, it felt like somehow a home.

In fact, he had never felt more at home than he did at that moment right there, with Lucy and Rami having fun and showing love and Joe helping him out, letting him be.

well my beautiful royal family, i really hope you liked this chapter! i feel like it's a little shorter than the other one's but this is more of a mood setter, just to establish a little bit of what is going on. idk if that made any sense lol but i hope you had fun reading this =)