can anybody find me... // hardzello [FINISHED]

every day of my life

— I can't believe I'm still into her Joe... She's being so immature and very inconsiderate, to be quite frank!
— I know Ben, I know...

Both were sitting on the floor of the living room, it was about 10:30pm and Ben's heart had sunken, he had remembered Maddie and he couldn't stop thinking about her. It's not like he liked her that much, it was much more than that.

— The thing is, I feel like she's just proving something I already knew. — Ben's eyes watered, he was about to tell Joe about his relationships — Like, that I'm not good enough for dating, you know?
— Why would you say something like that? — Joe's voice sounded worried now — You are more than "good enough" Ben, much more.

Ben couldn't tell Joe, not yet. So he blushed in shame, his throat tied in a knot and his guts churned, he didn't want to play the victim in Joe's head, no, that was the last thing he wanted.

— I... I'm just a bit insecure, I'll get over it.
— You don't need to be, — Joe got closer to him, placing a hand on Ben's wrist. In a second though, he took the hand off, and sat a little further away again, clearing his throat and smiling — trust me.
— I'll try.
— Trust me.
— I said I'll try.
— Don't try, just let yourself trust me, Ben.
— Okay.
— Okay?
— Okay.
— Okay then.

They smiled to each other, chuckling softly. Ben was noticing a pattern. When he was with Joe, it was slightly like drumming, it was very natural, no effort needed and it took Ben's life away from the routine a bit. It was nice, he needed someone like that.

— Hey Joe?
— Yeah?
— It's kind of late, isn't it?
— Um, yeah, I suppose it is. 10:52pm.
— Do you want to, idontknowmaybestayover? — Ben asked anxiously, he didn't want to be a pushover or too clingy — You know, I can stay on the couch and you in the guest room, we can watch some movies and tomorrow we can make pancakes!

Joe smiled and got up, giving a hand to Ben so he could do the same.

— Alright, but I'll make the pancakes and you're in charge of choosing the movie. Deal?
— Sounds perfect, deal!

Ben gave his hand to Joe and got up, tripping a little and for a second or two he stood way too close to Joe and could even hear his breath get shaky for a moment. They both pulled apart quickly, Joe headed to the kitchen to make some coffee and Ben just quietly stood there for a while wondering what did just happen.

After a while, they were sitting on the couch, the same one they sang "Doing Alright" in, this time, each one on a corner of it, Ben with his legs stretched and Joe curled up as much as he could. They were watching Call Me By Your Name — Ben wouldn't tell Joe how many times he had watched the movie, he just knew that Joe only had watched it once and liked it so it seemed like a good idea. Ben's eyelids were getting heavy though, and he thought that he could maybe just rest for five little minutes. He then, sat up, legs sideways and head rested on the couch, his head leaning more to Joe's direction.

What felt like five minutes apparently was way more, because his head was on a pillow that was on Joe's lap, who was wide awake and now watching...

Lady Bird?

Ben loved that movie actually, so he just turned his head to the screen, the fact that he was on Joe's lap hadn't really got into his head, he had just woken up anyway. Lady Bird was a fascinating movie, the dynamics of Lady Bird's relationships were simple, yet very complex. The mother-daughter relationship was the most one though, it fluctuated between this rebellion of Lady Bird and almost apathy of her mother to deep, rooted, core love. Ben admired so much that the movie introduced flaws in all of the characters. Even more flaws than qualities, in fact. It also hit Ben really hard that she ended up in the last place she thought she would, which reminded him a lot of him. He thought he was going to go to college and do marketing, be successful and all that, but he gave up before applying to colleges, he couldn't imagine a conventional life where he was in a conventional job. In a way, he felt a lot like Lady Bird felt, like he was not one made to listen, but one to find things on his own.

Eventually, he sat up again, scaring Joe a little.

— Hey...
— Oh, you're awake.
— Yeah... what time is it?
— Currently 3:42am. You should sleep Ben, go to bed.
— What about you? I already said you're the one taking the bed! Also, I'm not leaving you alone.
— Ben, I'm insomniac and I don't have my meds here. Seriously, go sleep, I'll be fine.
— And let you watch amazing movies without me? No way! I'm getting a cigarette and we're pulling an all nighter if needed.

Ben got up from the couch and went to the room, taking one cigarette out of the pack he left on the wardrobe. He could smoke on Saturday, but Sunday was cleaning up day, Lucy didn't want the smell of cigarettes when she came back and Ben wasn't gonna be the asshole who didn't respect people's wishes over their own house. He lit the cigarette, taking a long drag afterwards. He got in the living room, standing in front of Joe, hands on his hips.

— What are we watching next?
— Whatever you want, Roger Taylor.
— Roger Taylor?
— You're a blond with a mullet who plays drums. And I bet you smoke when you drum.
— I do...
— Roger Taylor.
— John Deacon.
— John Deacon?
— Are you kidding me? You look exactly like him!
— Well... Now that I think about it we're actually quite similar...
— You're his son, your mum was lying to you all along.
— Possibly.

They smiled, Ben sat down and put the cigarette in his mouth, exhaling the smoke with his nose. Deciding which movie would they watch. Ben was on a corner of the couch and Joe on the other, again, but he thought "You know what? We're good friends, yeah good friends. I don't need to sit far away, it's not weird." So he got closer to Joe, feeling the confused glance lay over him, but soon enough noticing it disappear.

He settled on "Jurassic Park" because it was silly so he and Joe could spend the rest of the night laughing and maybe Joe would clear his head and sleep.

omg dudes thank you so much for the 1k reads, i'm really happy and glad you guys like the story! seeing the "1k" written under the story name on my profile really made my day, you're amazing s2
anyways, i hope you liked this chapter (and the other ones duh) and a good day/afternoon/night =)