insecurities...

[1] "It's not you, it's ..."

From the beginning...

"It's so loud in here, can we talk outside" I slightly shout above the noise, the music isn't even that good, and neither is the alcohol but for some reason it's almost every college students gate way drug from the realities of life. Lana just looks at me, and follows me as I walk through the red plastic cups all tossed on the floor, the drunken teens sway around in the hallway as we walk to the front door of the frat house. I don't even remember what it's called, but then again I never came to drink or party, I came to see her. As we step on to the Patio, I breathe her in, she is an absolute Goddess in the little white dress she has on, her blonde hair flowing around her as if it's floating, and her face, every inch perfectly molded, probably why she is a model. I step closer to her and gently pull her just a little closer to bridge the gap between us by her waist with one hand, while my other hand is set on the side of her face. I look directly into her warm brown eyes before I make my move and lean in...

"I can't" she whispers while putting her hand on my chest. I'm a little disappointed cause all I've been thinking about was seeing her tonight, kissing her, touching her. I step back, not hiding the fact that am shocked, it's the first time she's refusing me, "why" I ask. " Carter" she breathes as if steadying her self for what she's about to say. " it was great, you know, us, you were good to me, and the sex I can't complain, but I want more..." it felt as if she physically slapped me. I take two more steps back, my mind is reeling, "more" I say back at her, "what do you mean more". More I try to mentally define that word in my mind, and when the realization gets to me, I just can't control myself I start laughing. She just looks at me as if I just lost the plot, "baby" I say slowly, as if am talking to an actual baby, " I don't do the dating thing, I promise you it's not you it's ..."

I never had time to finish my most corniest lines when she punched me, not even a fucken slap, a punch and a good one at that. She storms off back into the house, leaving me alone out side with a busted up nose. That's what I get for getting involved with the pretty, prim and proper girls, not my usual Lucy Loos. Am about to use the end of my shirt to wipe the blood from nose when I hear footsteps behind me, " here use this bro" and this guy hands me a handkerchief, I can't see what he looks like at the moment, but I accept his offer and use it, "thanks" I mumble. I don't usually use or say thank you or please to any one. " I don't know if you want this back" I say emotionlessly. I never had a lot of male friends, scratch that I never had a lot of friends period, it's not as if am hideous or socially awkward I'm pretty good looking or as I've been told and I get along with people when I choose to, even in high school and now In college I keep to myself, but it seemed the girls and even the guys were drawn to me, as if I had some sexual magnetic field, and usually it was only for sex or in the rarer occasions as this one with Lana a fling. I look towards him for an answer, expecting... I don't even know who or what I expected, someone that comes to frat parties and carries with them a handkerchief, whatever I was expecting I was probably hundred percent off. The guy in front of me was Tall, but not basketball Tall, broad shoulders, muscular but not too big, neck length hair probably died black cause there is no way in hell that's his natural hair color. Right now his wearing black jeans, black boots and a blazer over plain white tee. Wait, hold up a blazer to a frat party, way to class it up, I silently laugh to myself. "nahh keep it, wasn't really using it anyway" he waves it off, he sounds so relaxed, and his gestures, just for lack of words are sort of cool. "Thanks again" I say while looking at my feet this time, two thank you's in one night, it must be a blue moon.

"What was that about, she seemed pissed at you" he asks, in a casual way, "you know, normal shit, I said something totally hilarious she slapped me and walked away" I joke. He grins, and leaves it at that, at least he doesn't pry, "well I'll see you in there" he notions while pointing in side."yeah sure" I sarcastically reply back, I know he was being nice, but something about him just irritates me, as well as intrigues me. He walks into the house, leaving me with my thoughts on the patio. I debate whether to go in and try and have fun or whatever my version of that is or just catch some zzz. I go with the later and decide to take a slow walk to my dorm and catch up with some well needed sleep as I won't have Lana or any other somebodies keeping me up tonight.