insecurities...

[15] "I thought you said you didn't smoke ?"

"When did you first know ?" Lex asks me, we're both sitting on the roof of an abandoned two story building over looking the forest, it's my favorite spot for getting high and my favorite spot to run away from the world, I guess now it's our spot. "I was into guys ?" I return his vague question, he raises his eye brow at me, as if communicating "you know what I meant", I just shrug, "I think I always knew, I got bullied because of it, it didn't help that I dress differently and that am not white in a town that's very old fashioned" I reply. "I'm sorry" he leans in a gives me peck on my forehead, I laugh and playfully shove him away from me.

He leans in more, so he's face is inches from mine, "I'm tired of running away from you, from hiding this part of me, I want you, and I don't give a shit about the consequences" he whispers, before kissing me, this kiss was full of lust and passion, it was hard and rough and so fucking hot, I probably got a boner from just this kiss. His hands went from the sides of my face to peeling my top off me, I didn't even put up a fight, less space between us. I didn't even have to tell him to take off his top, as soon as mine hit the roof tiles, his was not far behind.

He lead with the kiss, not like I minded, I was preoccupied with tracing his body with my fingers, I knew if we didn't stop now, we wouldn't and it is too soon for us to just jump in bed especially if we don't know what we are, so I slowly distanced myself from his body and his lips. "What's wrong ?" He asks confused, "we can't Lex, we don't even know each other, we don't even know what this" - I notion between us - "is, we have to take it slow" I say. He nods his head in understanding, I decide now would be the perfect time to experiment, I pull out the two boxes of cigarettes and the the two bottles of rum and vodka.

Lex raises his eyebrows at me, but remains silent, "let's try something ?" I whisper to him, he looks skeptically at me, and I open one of the boxes of mint flavored cigarettes, I take out one and light it, "I thought you said you didn't smoke ?" He questions me, I laugh at his comment and force out, "I don't, usually smoke cigarettes, I smoke..." I let the sentence trail off, because am sure he got what I was saying, I pass him the cigarette and he takes it without hesitation. I open the rum, and downs a mouthful, I have to keep my eyes closed while it goes down to refrain myself from throwing up. Lex is looking at me the entire time, and when I open my eyes and look at him, he bursts out laughing, he has that type of laugh that's contagious and am laughing along with him.

Two boxes of cigarettes and a bottle of rum later, and we're high as fuck, my head is on Lex's lap, while he treads his hands in my hair, I turn my head to look at him and he's looking at me, damn he's weird, but I fucking love that. We both close the space between us, and exchange probably the hundredth kiss we've shared this evening/morning whatever time it is, we both taste like mint and rum, and I find myself licking my lips after the kiss. He looks away from me to the view, it's almost sunrise, and watching from the top of this building, the sunset is breathtaking, but the only view am worried about is him. "I think...I'm... falling for you"

I let out, maybe it was too soft and he didn't hear me, because he doesn't say anything, or do anything. I probably dodged a bullet, its too soon for that shit anyway, I don't know why I said that, damn my mouth sometimes. He's still looking at the sky, completely immersed in the scenery, I don't ever want to move from here, this spot on the building is our hideaway from reality, it's like it's just the two of us in the world up here. "Me too" he says, while now looking at me, I think this is the best fucking day ever, and I don't want it to end. We stay in that position until the sunrises, everything in that moment, is perfect, the view, the location, Him and I, us, everything. The beautiful orange glow of the first sun on our skin, the breeze faintly tinted with mint, Lex's lips on mine, my head on his lap, everything else doesn't matter in this moment.