Ocean Blue & You

screaming in the rain

I woke up the next day and decided to go out and do a bit of shopping with Faith. I also packed my suitcase with a little bit more than I needed for 3 nights. Truth was I didn't pack light, but we were leaving the day after tomorrow, and I didn't want to leave it last minute. I needed to get some groceries for Mum as well. I also thought now would be a could time to try and persuade Faith about my decision. So I went out that afternoon and met Faith at the tram stop where Jack and I had walked from last night and we got the tram up to the town centre.

"So Faith, I know you're kinda against the idea, but I've decided to go away with Jack for the weekend," I said.

"Yeah I know," she answered, "look, Posy, we're going grocery shopping. We're practically adults." As if contradicting her sarcastic answer, she grabbed a loose apple and bit into it.

"You know you're supposed to pay for that right?" I said grinning.

"I know," she replied.
I laughed. "Yeah, okay. But did you hear what I said? Are you okay with that?"

"Posy, it's fine," she replied, with a genuine smile on her face, "I know you would have done it anyway, but I realized that it didn't really matter, and I had no right to force my opinion on you and tell you you shouldn't go. It's your life. And no offence by the way, but I actually don't care anymore."

"Great!" I burst out. Then, realizing how it sounded I added cautiously, "I mean, no offence taken. I'm glad you don't care."

So I bought everything on the scribbled shopping list Dad had written and then I bought a stylish T-shirt from Top Shop and Faith bought a bit of makeup from Superdrug. I said goodbye to Faith at the tram stop after we took a casual walk in the park and talked about boys and school. As I walked back with all the bags tucked on my wrist I thought up some fib I'd tell Mum excitedly before going with Jack. It was only when I opened the front door with a big smile on my face at around half past four that I got a horrible shock.

The atmosphere seemed to have changed abruptly since I had stepped foot inside. It was that feeling one gets when there's sadness in the air or people have been fighting and you can sort of feel the whole of it hit you.

"Mum?! I'm back. And I got everything on the list. No, they didn't have the sesame seed bagels but I got cinnamon and raisin instead and I'm sure they'll taste delicious!"

When no reply came my smile started to fade.

"Mum?"

"Hello Posy. Would you like to come into the kitchen?"

When she answered, her voice was terribly cold and unfamiliar from her usual, soft, warm voice. My heart started beating faster. Why did she sound all cruel? Had she and Dad had a fight? They hadn't had a proper one in a long while, but I always got that same feeling when I entered the house. I expected this was what it was, so I didn't say a word as I approached the kitchen with the shopping bags. If she was on edge I didn't want to push her over.

So it was quietly that I came into the kitchen and placed the four shopping bags on the kitchen island counter top. I looked over to the dining area. Mum was sitting up straight very formally, with her legs crossed over and her hands placed together, balancing her chin on the tip of her fingers like she was praying, or deep in thought. I supposed it was the latter, but I could see her face. She had tucked some hair behind her ear even though she was sitting sideways to me, but her eyes weren't red like she had been crying. Her skin wasn't all blotchy. But that was worse. It was very unpleasant to see Mum crying, but seeing her with that cold, distant expression on her face that didn't suit her, with her vacant eyes staring at the wall opposite, made me feel even worse. Dad wasn't home. She was acting like I hadn't entered the room. To break the silence and to distract myself from looking at her, I put the apples and peaches in the fruit bowl and broke the silence, even though it felt like I was talking to myself.