749km Away From Home

The Drugs Make It Easier

Thank you to everyone that's been reading 😘😘My gratitude is beyond words 😭 I'm trying to be consistent with my updated so stay tuned.
Hope yall enjoy this chapter 😏💖
P.s I added the media just for a visual, Idk if it's a good idea or not but lemme know. Hehe.
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Seconds...Minutes.... Hours... time ticked away as I laid in bed feeling emotionally numb and physically tortured.

My eyes were glued to the ceiling the whole time.
I didn't dare look down at my body because I couldn't bare to see the blood that ran down my legs and on to the sheets beneath me or the blood stained underwear around my ankles.
My stomach twisted into knots just thinking about it.
I kept waiting to wake up from this awful nightmare .....
That's what this had to be right? Just a bad dream?
I just couldn't bring my self to face the reality of the situation.

I was raped, brutally... In the worst way, I knew I was but I still couldn't wrap my head around it.

And it's ironic because I remember when I first fully understood what sex was, I decided I wanted my first time to be different..... meaningful... because to me that was such a big deal and just like every other significant moment in my life I wanted to share that moment with my mom, so I waited...
I scoffed. If my mom could see me now, her sweet little baby girl, laying in her own blood, in to much pain to even move, my innocence ripped away from me like it was nothing.
She'd probably claw her own eyes out.
Its hurts so much that I couldn't be in her arms...for her to hold me and tell me it's okay even though we both knew it wasn't.
I missed my family so much. I just wanted to be with them.
Would I ever get back to them? I had to.

I was beyond weak in that moment but the thought of them ignited my fire once again and I wasn't about to pity myself and accept defeat.

With that new found strength I pressed my wrist down into the bed and got up.
My legs trembling as I stood up.
I bent down to pick up my underwear and clumsily tipped over.
But it wasn't clumsiness.
I was just weak.

I was in so much emotional pain that I didn't acknowledge my physical pain.

I got on my knees and held onto the bed gathering my strengths to get up, trying my very best to ignore how much my insides hurt.
"It's okay. Breathe." I told myself.
I looked at the clock. 6:09. Maya would be coming back soon.
Maybe I should knock her out and make a run for it. But where would I even go?
I had no idea what was behind those doors and I barely had the strength to get up, how on earth was I gonna knock her out?
I shook my head.

This needs to be thought through carefully before any drastic moves...

For now , I just need to see what's behind those doors. I practically dragged myself up the stairs and laid in front of the door and waited for Maya to come.
When I heard footsteps approaching the door I positioned myself in a way that when she opened the door, it would swing open and hit my stomach but I'd have a good enough view of what was behind the door.
The approaching footsteps stopped and she said "You move from behind the door now, trust me, please move"
It was more like a plea and I felt compelled to listen. I rolled my eyes.
How does she even know I was behind the door?
Whatever.
I didn't want to but I did trust her for some reason so I decided to move.

No longer feeling very hopeful I sat myself on one of the steps and waited for her to open the doors.

When she did, she looked at me and gasped, holding her chest.

Her eyes filled with tears instantly and I felt somewhat insecure and embarrassed and kinda confused.
She put the stuff in her hands down and held her hand out to me. I took it and she helped me walk down the stairs not saying a word.
I looked at her but she refused to make any eye contact. A tear fell from her face as we walked across the room and she looked at the bed.... and though it touched my heart to know she felt for me I only understood her reaction when I was standing in front the mirror.

My heart almost came through my mouth as I saw my reflection.

I barely recognised my self. So many tears escaped my eyes in that moment.
It seemed unreal.
My face was red and swollen from the countless times I was slapped and so we're my eyes.
I could so vividly remember the first slap that sent me to the floor on my knees.
My knees... yes... I felt the bruises from being dragged on them.
I struggled for breath as I stated to remember things I couldn't before....
I focused my attention on my face again still as astonished as before.
It was just that bad....
I ran my fingers of my busted lip blood not even remembering how that one happened. Around my neck was almost blue and as I looked at it I felt like I could feel his fingers tightening around it again....

I closed my eyes not being able to look at myself anymore.

I felt nauseous.
I ran over to the toilet and started gagging trying to vomit but nothing came out.
I had absolutely nothing in my system, remembering I made myself throw up a couple hours ago.
"Shower," I heard Maya say from behind me.
Her voice startled me, I forgot she was even there.
A shower sounded good, a shower and some rest....
I got up and fumbled to take my dress of so Maya stepped in and helped me pull the tightly fit dress of my body.
I screamed out in pain as it grazed over my back.
I closed my eyes and I saw myself being dragged down the stairs.

In tears again, I stepped into the bathroom and as the cold water gushed over my body and I felt every bruise sting, my mind was flooded with images of exactly how I got everyone of those bruises.

Everything I didn't remember, I remembered in that moment.

I feel to the floor, more vulnerable I'd every been and screamed from the depths of my soul.
Maya rushed in and held me as I hysterically cried on the bathroom floor.
At that time I was completely out of it.
I wasn't even capable of thinking straight.
I couldn't remember how I got out the shower but the next thing I knew, Maya was brushing my hair and doing my makeup.
If I was thinking straight I'd know exactly what that meant but in that moment my brain just didn't process it.
It was only when the little asain lady instructed me to change my clothes and I realised it actually wasn't clothes at all but instead lingerie did I understand.

My heart pounded.

"No" I whispered in utter disbelief. 
I looked up at her my once again broken heart surely reflecting in my eyes.
"I'm sorry" she said under her breath.
She picked up the bottled water from the tray and handed it to me.

"The drugs make it easier.... Trust me" she said shakily.

What choice did I have? It was only a few hours since the last man used me like I was toilet paper.
I wasn't even given a chance to recover from that horrific experience and a next one was was already due.
I couldn't emotionally handle that. I knew I couldn't.
I took the bottled water and drank a much as I could have, waiting for the drugs to take over my body.

"The drugs make it easier" I told myself as I sat and waited for my cries of pain entertain the next monsterous man as he violated my body as well.