My Little Black Book of Thoughts

Excerpt From A Book I'll Never Write No. 3

"Tell me something you've never told me before," she asked, her eyes distracted by the scattering of stars above her. 

He stopped breathing. The summer breeze whispered to cover the silence, his lack of an answer. Because the first thing that came to his mind was the words he had never even admitted to himself out loud before. 

I think I'm in love with you. 

"Like what?" he said, swallowing hard, trying to pass down the knot in his throat. He too tried to be distracted by the sky above them, but it was so damn hard with her right next to him. She gave off more light than any star he had ever seen, she took away from the ones in the sky. 

"I don't know, a random childhood memory, a random fact about you, a secret..." she let the word hang in the air between them. An open invitation to tell her what he really thought of her. And in a perfect world, he would've taken it. He would have spilled his heart out until it was empty of all of the feelings he had shoved deep inside, never to see the light of day. Until it was empty enough to let her love in. 

"I know I've hurt you in the past. Over and over again. And I don't know why you've given me so many chances, but I'm so grateful. Because I can't imagine a life without you. Seeing you smile is the best feeling in the world, especially when I know I made it happen. Talking to you is by far the best part of my day, and seeing you is what gets me through my week. I know I don't deserve you, but I just need you to know that I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, and ever since I met you, I knew that you were the one for me. I've just been too scared to admit it." 

In a perfect world, he would have the courage to say that. 

Instead, he just bit his cheek, as if in deep thought. 

"When I was little, my mom convinced me I had superpowers and that I could change the traffic lights from red to green." It was all he could do. Because even though he wanted so much to tell her how he felt, part of him thought it was better this way. At least this way they were friends, and that was better than the unknown. 

"Maybe you did, but they had to take them away because you were too powerful," she said, laughing, turning her dark brown eyes to meet his. 

"Yea, maybe," he laughed, and turned his head towards the stars before she could see the pool of tears coat his eyes. 

-05/01/2019