the boy who was afraid of the dark

thursday 12:16, lucas

 
  at first, i was upset that eliott didn't respond. then, i woke up to a text from him, saying i miss you. i decided not to open it, so i could pretend i never saw it. i mean, what am i supposed to say to that? maybe he was high or something. after all, last weekend never happened.

  instead, i went to school and went through my day casually as thought nothing had happened at all. i didn't see him when i walked into the courtyard. his friends were there, but he wasn't.
  that kind of got me worrying. what if something happened to him? he seemed kind of off last night, maybe that's why he texted me?

  i decided to ask chris and william, despite it being a terrible idea. i took a shaky deep breath, then walked up to them. once they noticed me, they turned their heads down to look.

  chris shifted where he stood, "hey...lucas."
  why did i do this?
  "um," i stuttered. "have you guys seen eliott? he's my partner for a...project."

  chris and william looked at each other suspiciously, then just dropped it and shrugged.
  "he dipped during class yesterday. haven't seen him since." william said, sort of brushing off the issue.
  "right...okay." i said, turning away.

  i saw yann, arthur, and basile farther away standing where we usually do in the hidden corner, passing around a cigarette. i quickly popped my hood up so they wouldn't notice me, and speed walked into the school.
  phew.

  i figured i'd try not to focus on eliott too hard, and instead get to my next class early to study. after all, it was the free period and i could do what i wanted.

  i closed my locker, and started down the hallway. but right when i passed the empty history classroom, my hood resisted and choked me back through my steps into the room.

  i gagged, and grabbed my sweatshirt back, "what the fuck, dude, you're choking m-" i stopped when i turned around to see eliott, who closed and locked the door behind him.
  he smiled apologetically.

  "eliott," i let go a sigh of relief. "where have you been?"
  he looked down shyly, "i haven't been feeling great."
  "a-are you okay?" i tried to catch his eye.

  he looked up and nodded, meeting my eyes. we looked into each other's. his eyes had a sad sort of downturn to them, like they've seen too much. i didn't know what to think about it, but i wasn't even given much time before he lunged forward and kissed me.

  i should have pushed him back, but i didn't. i wrapped my hands around his neck and buried my fingers in his hair. his hands wrapped around my back, squeezing me tightly.

  we broke apart for air, giving me the chance to mutter, "i missed you too."
  he smiled, chuckling sheepishly.

  a look of realization then set over his face, and he pulled apart. he looked down, and sighed.
  "i can't stay away from you," he muttered. "i can't pretend that weekend never happened."

  i didn't meet his eyes, "me too."
  he looked up, rubbing his hand behind his neck, thinking. he looked deep in momentary thought.
  i hopped up on one of the desks and pretended to think, since i didn't really know what was going on here.

  he looked back up and me, "okay. what if we don't have to pretend this isn't happening?"
  "what do you mean?" i cocked my head. what is he getting at?
  "what if we...kept going, but didn't tell anyone?" he sighed, nervously.

i wasn't necessarily sure if that sounded good to me. i didn't want to be his little secret, even though he would technically be mine too. i wanted him, but did i want him like this?

  i looked down, blushing, "i dunno, eliott. what if we get caught? you have a girlfriend..."
  he sighed, rolling his eyes, "i've been meaning to break up with her anyways."

  "i don't really just want to be your fuck buddy." i mumbled. i didn't want to be just his object.
  he shot his head up, and moved forward to grab my hands.
  "lucas," he looked into my eyes. "you would be so much more than just a fuck buddy. you ARE so much more than just a fuck buddy. you matter to me. i don't know why i feel this way about you, but i do. you're under my skin, i can't get you off my mind."

  i was blushing furiously, so i put my head down because i didn't want him to see. i could agree with this. i felt the same about him.
  i didn't necessarily know how to tell him that, so i just grabbed his hand and pulled him in closer to me, locking his lips with mine.

  i felt him smile through the kiss, which made it impossible for me not to as well. which then turned into just our teeth touching, and i started laughing.
  he laughed as well, and i saw his smile curl all the way up with face, shining into his eyes.

  damn, that's a beautiful smile.

  then the bell rang, and i jumped down from the desk. i kissed him once more, before we scurried out of the classroom into the empty hallways before they filled up with people who could see us.