all the world's a stage // prinxiety ✔

♡ 41 - do it over again ♡

"You're not a damsel in distress," Virgil said, stopping to bite his nails. "We can't save each other. Like, it's like I'm in a wheelchair but I can use my arms to move the wheels by myself but you're standing there next to me to make sure I don't accidentally roll too fast and ram into something and die. Does that make... any sense?"

Roman grinned and blinked his tears away. "Fabulous analogy."

Virgil playfully bowed. "Why, thank you."

Then there was silence again.

"So... about your parents," Virgil said softly. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want. Uh, I don't want you fainting on me again."

Roman shrugged. "You've told me some dark shit, so I guess I can return the favor." His shoulders were slightly hunched but he kept trying to smile.

"You don't have to-"

"I want to." He held Virgil's hands, then realized that was weird and started to let go, but Virgil held on and waited for him to go on.

"Uh," he said, "well, my dad was also an actor and he raised me into the business. I mostly know him from DVDs holding old home plays we did together when I was super young. He was my idol and he was 24 when my mom had me... and 28 at the World Trade Center during the 9/11 attack. I was only four so I don't really know him that well, but, it still sucks." He laughed with no emotion.

"So blah blah, he isn't here anymore. And my mom was a mess and she didn't think I would make it as an actor. She didn't like how I was always watching those DVDs after my dad passed away so she wanted to give me something else to do. She would shit talk about me all the time and even if I got straight A's in every subject for my entire school career, which I did, it wouldn't be good enough. Nothing would be good enough and... I remember getting a B on an assessment once. She told me my dad should be happy he's dead so he wouldn't witness such a failure of a son."

Virgil was left speechless.

Words flooded out of Roman's mouth like a rapid stream, and he was the soda spurring out of a bottle after it was shaken up without rest for much too long. "I believed her too! At least I know now that I'm a Broadway actor that my dad would be proud of me. But I still hear my mom's damn voice in the back of my head sometimes, even after she moved, blocked my number and any way I could contact her, and happily left me to fend for myself during college where I had to work extra shifts all the time and could barely pay for my tuition."

"That's why you...?"

Roman nodded slightly. "But that was ages ago."

His hand was still gripping Virgil's and Virgil was rocking them back and forth slowly.

Guilt flooded Virgil's body. "Roman?" he whispered.

Roman looked at him with glossy eyes. "Uh huh?"

"Do I? Remind you of..."

"My mom? Or my dad?" Salt dragged out in his tone. "Neither of them could really show they loved me, so I guess so."

His friend suddenly began crying. He had so many apologies stuck in the back of his throat but he didn't want to make the situation about himself like he always did.

"You don't have to pretend you love me to make me feel better about myself." Roman let go of Virgil's hand and stared at the wall.

Virgil sucked his cheeks in and there was a flash of something else in his eyes. "Roman Ferrante, you goddamn idiot, how many times do I have to say I love you for you to get it into your head?"

That's what he was about to say. But he bit his tongue, and pulled Roman closer until he forced him to look into his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He put his hands on Roman's broad shoulders and rubbed in circles to calm him.

Finally, everything he wanted to say came out like word vomit.

"I never think of anybody but myself and I'm a terrible friend and I love you but I didn't want to be with you because you don't deserve someone so messed up. I'm sorry for being so inconsiderate to you when I even told myself you have your own issues to deal with. Roman, you're so amazing; you shouldn't be with someone like me! I want to be here for you forever but I don't think I know how! I'm so... lost. I don't want you to be waiting around for me anymore. What I'm doing is so selfish, I..." He paused.

"Can I ask you something?" Virgil began to chew his bottom lip.

Roman said nothing, but let out a hum of agreement. He couldn't find the right words to reply to Virgil's apology.

"Can I take you out?"

"...Huh?"

Virgil broadened his shoulders. If he was going to pull this shit, he'd have to seem a little confident. "Do you want to go on a date with me?"

"Are- Are you for real?" A glimmer of hope struck Roman's face but he held it down. "Why?"

"We feel the same way for each other and I'm sick of being a pussy and there's no reason I shouldn't ask you out."

Roman didn't smile, but he looked like he might. "You... Virgil... You mean..."

"I am... so, so sorry about your parents. I never knew what it felt like to lose someone I love until, y'know, but you've- you've dealt with it almost your whole life and you're so much stronger than I am, and you're incredible and talented and I can't believe you could fight that... while still supporting me whenever I'm going through something. That's why I love you, Roman. But stop putting me before you, if you could. I think you forget how important you are." He used his sleeve to wipe a few tears away. "You don't have to say yes to this date, because I want you to be ready."