all the world's a stage // prinxiety ✔

♡ 43 - first for everything ♡

That sounded so fucking nerdy, what the FUCK, Virgil?

He expected Roman to say something sarcastic to taunt him for that, but he was silent.

Virgil glanced over, careful to keep his eyes on the road, and saw Roman trying to hide his embarrassment.

A flash in Roman's eyes triggered a thought in Virgil's mind, and while he was at another red light, his face dropped and he shuddered.

Declan laughing. Declan kissing him. Declan playing with his hair.

Declan crying. Declan yelling. Declan giving up.

"Virgil... Virgil."

Virgil stayed silent.

"Virgil! Green light!" Roman told him, gesturing madly.

The younger one brought himself back down to Earth and started driving again.

"What happened?!"

"Zoned out," Virgil replied, not completely lying. "Sorry."

♡

Virgil and Roman sat on the rug in the living room, both trying to forget the awkward situation in the car, and hung out as they usually did, but this time, it was scarier.

Roman had pulled out two buckets of ice cream and had a pizza coming in fifteen minutes.

To keep himself from panicking, Virgil went into another room after saying to Roman, "I'm gonna call Logan. Be right back."

He did call Logan, though, and asked for a mental health day off. He hated that he felt the need to do that. He felt lazy, and laziness doesn't belong on Broadway.

Maybe he didn't deserve this.

He didn't deserve anything. Not Broadway or Declan or Patton or Roman, and he should have stayed in Maine and not given New York a chance. He shouldn't have auditioned. He shouldn't have sacrificed everything.

Virgil shook the thoughts from his head. Well, he tried.

After heading back to the living room, Roman patted the space next to him, motioning for him to sit there. Virgil did, and Roman asked, "What do you want to watch?"

"What do you want to watch?"

"What do you want to watch?"

"I asked you out, so it's my job to be more polite. What do you want to watch?"

"Exactly! You asked me out, so you get to choose. What do you want to watch?"

"Let's say it at the same time?" Virgil suggested shyly. He laughed nervously. He already made things tense during the car ride, and he wanted to make things up to Roman.

Roman nodded in agreement. "3."

"2."

"1."

"Bootlegs," they said in unison.

"Book of Mormon?" Roman suggested.

"Duh."

Roman grabbed his laptop and typed in "StAr wArs andei roonde 😫👊💦😤".

While they watched the opening number and waited for the pizza, Virgil felt himself rest his head on Roman's shoulder. Roman ran his fingers through Virgil's dark hair, and Virgil leaned into the touch.

He let himself relax and finally, he let go of the car ride. He could hear the music and Roman's soft breathing instead of the voices in his head.

♡

Sitting on the couch lazily, Logan sighed.

Maybe he didn't deserve this.

He didn't deserve anything. Not Broadway or Patton, the man he was in love with, or Declan, who he didn't like even through high school but was the one who introduced him to Patton, and he should have stayed in Massachusetts and stuck to science. He shouldn't have found directing. He shouldn't have sacrificed what felt like everything.

There were moments like this for him, but this was the first time it had happened in months.

He stood up and took an antidepressant tablet in the bathroom. The day was slow and his memory of the previous day was fuzzy since he was so caught up in self pity.

He worried for Virgil, who had called around ten minutes ago to take a mental health day. The poor kid was still a teenager.

Logan had never taken a mental health day. He thought it was absurd for him to. For other people, it was normal, but the thought of himself skipping something because he was too emotional was something he hadn't done since middle school.

He knew Patton loved him. Truly, he did.

No matter the amount of logic, the feeling he wasn't good enough for Patton continued creeping up the back of his neck and seeping into his skull.

He envied Virgil and Roman in that sense. They could show their feelings.

He could as well, but it took him all his willpower to. He constantly felt emotions bubbling up in his chest, ready to spill out, but he had kept them in for so long he had forgotten how to display them.

Patton was slowly teaching him, but Logan felt it was going much.

Too.

Slowly.

Though Logan was soft with Patton, maybe it wasn't enough to only be completely nice to one person. Patton could show love and care to others, so why couldn't Logan?

Maybe he didn't deserve love.

He was so caught up in his thoughts, he didn't hear Patton's worried texts' vibrations filling the room. He simply put his phone away and got up from the couch to go to the office and work.

Work.

That was something he could do.