YOU NAME IT

This is like a commercial break between two chapters, just let it pass...

Day 7130 ish of existence, still leaves an unpleasant, rather bitter taste in my mouth.

Life has been very weird recently and I honestly don't know why I still haven't got used to it by now. Existential crises have become a part of my daily life. I need to take action

So starting with a few weeks ago, I thought I had found a way out of the labyrinth, the melancholy, this amazing gift of existence that others keep on chattering about. The way out, as I falsely assumed, was to love unconditionally. To love without expecting shit from no one. But as all brilliant ideas fall short when it comes to reality time (I'm talking to you Communism) mine was no exception, to love is to expect, to live is to expect. I was disappointed.

And then after a while I thought the best way out of it is to stare with your eyes wide open at the abyss, the void, and laugh unstoppably cause nothing matters. If nothing in this world has any inherent meaning, and all of us are thrown into this world against our own will, then why not indulge yourself in everything that there is until your time's up, why not stare at the void and laugh? I was once again wrong. Because there's a difference between what's logical and what is practical. Maniacal laughter lasts as long as your face muscles permit.

Once you get tired of that forced grin and stop smiling for a second to let it rest, you start pondering about the futility of human effort, the sheer indifference of the universe and the triviality of trying to remain happy for no reason at all through life. And you'll get to the same spot you started your journey from. Feeling sad, not because something super bad in life has happened to you, but because you exist, and existence without distraction is the biggest sentence an evil God could give to ones they have on their naughty list.

And everyone's so busy with their norms and chakras and their cash and all their fancy morals and all kinds of bullshit, that are nothing but social constructs that they've forgotten how sad life is at its core.

So me, desperately looking for a way out, was told by the inner me that enough is enough, if life is really capable of happy endings and you are, according to literally everyone, aren't looking enough, you gotta get up your ass and go on a quest for happiness.

All actions that all organisms take, no matter by their own free will or the deterministic ( the idea that refutes free will) nature of the universe, have only one motivation, no matter how complex psychologists make it seem like. To avoid discomfort and get to the glory gates of happiness. So the quest for happiness is the most important journey a man embarks on.