The Quarterback's Bestfriend

Substitute

Mr. Schue drowsily walks up to the board with his nose all bright red like Rudolph, "All right, guys, um...Time to start thinking about song selections."

He turns around to look at us, squinting as Santana starts to flirt with Puckerman, "Lookin' good, Puckerman. Someone's been eating their wheaties."

He doesn't even look at her when turning around, but past her at me while flexing his muscled biceps, "These guns are fully loaded."

"Mr. Schue? I, for one think we should use our set list for sectionals to start exploring the oeuvre of one Bernadette Peters," Rachel kiddishly suggests, her inflection resembling that of a kindergartener.

Britt looks at Rachel, amazed by the suggestion, "Someday, I'm gonna go to Paris and visit the oeuvre."

Mike and I bounce our knees in anticipation, "I just want to dance again this week."

Kaydon laughs at us, "You always wanna dance."

Mercedes inspects Mr. Schue, who looks like he's going to hurl at any moment, "Mr. Schuester, you look a little green."

He scans the room again, looking concerned and sick to his stomach, "Um... I think I'm gonna go see the nurse. But first I feel like I should get you guys a sitter."

Then he passes out on the ground. We look at each other in shock before sending Mike, the fastest runner who doesn't know how to check a pulse, to get the nurse.

Kurt, Cedes and I get in line to buy our lunches. Kurt was so mad, he was shaking, "I'm shaking. And it's either from low blood sugar or rage. I knew it was only a matter of time before Rachel tried to take over the Glee Club."

I know exactly what he was talking about. As soon as the nurse left with Mr. Schue, Rachel skips up to the whiteboard and rights: ME before asking, "Class, in Mr. Schuester's absence, I'd like to go around and ask everyone what solos they'd like to hear me perform at Sectionals."

Santana and I look at each other before pouncing at her. Finn catching Santana while Mike, Puck, Kaydon and Sam had to hold me back. Santana was screaming, "All right, you know what? Let me at her! ¡Tú eres loca!"

But I, on the other hand, was taking a different route, threatening her, "I swear to whatever answers me first, Allah, Buddha or Satan, I don't care. If you try to make my already horrible year all about you, I will kill you."

Mercedes rolls her eyes at the memory, reassuring, "We'll forget all about it tonight at bowling."

"I can't. Blaine asked me to hang out," Kurt mumbles as we move forward in the line.

I give him my puppy dog eyes, "I've been looking forward to it all week. Wait. Are you two going out? Because I think you need to come clean."

He looks at me shuddering, "What? No. I don't want another Jessie... Rachel traitor scenario to overcome. Please, ladies. Mum's the word."

Cedes looks at him irritated, "We'd be happy for you. I mean, we know how lonely you've been."

"All right, we just hang out. Nothing about Glee club even ever comes up. It's just nice to have someone to talk to."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Mercedes and I simultaneously say looking hurt.

"I mean someone like me. But I promise to make it up to you. We'll hang out Friday night."

Cedes sees her favorite food, Tots, and cuts in front of some kid, forgetting about Kurt's cancellation instantly, "Excuse you. A couple more. Thanks. So what are we going to do about Glee Club while Mr. Schue is sick?"