The Quarterback's Bestfriend

What the Funk?!

All I know is Mercedes and Tina saw Matt, Mike and I in the hallway then they drag us to the auditorium because its a 'glee emergency'.

We walk in with everyone else and see Jesse St. James on our stage with VOCAL ADRENALINE! I hated him before this and now I hate him more.

"Jesse? What are you doing up there with them?" Rachel whines.

He steps to center apron, "I've transferred back to Carmel High, Rachel. I'm sorry that it's come to this, but you guys were awful to me. You never accepted me. You never listened to my clearly superior ideas."

Finn looks as furious as I do, we exchange these looks of boundless anger as he growls, "Why are you here in our auditorium?"

"The blogs and chat rooms say that we're finished and that you guys are ripe to topple us. We just wanted to show you a little something we came up with a few days ago to see if you agree with that assessment."

Jesse:
Ooh, let's go
Steve walks warily down the street
With his brim pulled way down low
Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet
Machine guns ready to go
Are you ready, hey Are you ready for this Are you hangin' on the edge of your seat Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat

Jesse and Vocal Adrenaline:
Yeah
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
How do you think I'm gonna get along Without you when you're gone
You took me for everything that I had
And kicked me out on my own

Are you happy Are you satisfied
How long can you stand the heat
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat
Look out
Another one bites the dust

Then some giggling lollipop princess with a voice that bubbled with superiority, bounced beside Jesse before they file out off our stage, "Thanks for letting us borrow your auditorium, guys. It's quaint."

We all slowly shuffle back to our room in a daze after watching their very good performance. Rachel is being consoled by Mercedes in hopes of some comfort as her heart had just been broken, "It's a Carmel High tradition they psych out the competition a few weeks before the big show."

Artie wheels out in front beside Kurt, leading us on our way, "They call it a "funkification" meaning they show us what they've got and we spiral into a deep, black funk."

"Yeah, we used to do the same thing to other football teams. Try to get inside their head, pull little pranks to intimidate them," Finn reminds us to ease our minds because of the parallels. But to be honest, we only did that for our own fun not because we wanted to intimidate them.

"The difference was, our football team sucked," I groan.

Puck points at me, nodding and finishes my thought, "Those guys are golden."

"Keep your heads up, guys. It's gonna take more than that to get us into a funk," Kurt consoles until we enter our choir room, seeing the sight of toilet paper EVERYWHERE.

"I feel so violated. It's like someone broke into our home," Tina cries as she strips off another layer of the toilet paper.

Mr. Schue pushes down the mountain that's piled up in our trash bin, "Look, it was just a lame little prank. The fact that they're trying to get to us means maybe we got 'em spooked."

"Uh-uh, Mr. Schue. They aren't afraid of anything. That number they did was fantastic. Which doesn't make any sense. They had all that equipment. How did they even get in?" Mercedes verbalizes what everyone was thinking.