written on these walls • l.s ✔

Chapter 25: .

Chapter 25: .

Louis was happy, finally he was happy after what seemed like ages of gloom and dissatisfaction. He was so bloody happy that he didn't take cocaine that morning, he was motivated to stop. Finally feeling free he was eager to go to school, to live his normal day where he could make it up to Zayn, where he could continue loving his boyfriend and where he could live his senior year.

Walking through the gates things felt different, people were staring, people were whispering and people were giggling. Louis didn't let it get to him, probably just paranoid due to the lack of cocaine. As he continued walking he looked around for Harry, trying to ignore the stares from others just wanting to get to his boyfriend.

When he walked into the building he saw two people point, excitedly run up to him. Louis knew who they were, they were Juniors and their names were Janice and Frankie. Janice and Frankie were perceived as freaks to the whole school, their lives dedicated to the LGBT community and everything to do with it, curious as to why they had come up to him he stayed put.

"Hey Louis!" Janice giggled.

"We just want to say how happy we are to have a queer person that others look up to, it's the first step to widening acceptance in our homophobic ass school" Frankie shrugged.

"Queer?" Louis said shocked, wondering how they knew, wondering how they could possibly tell he was gay and with Harry. Beginning to panic he looked at the two girls staring up at him excitedly, grins sprawled across their faces.

"Yes, queer. An umbrella term for non-cishets-" Janice began but Louis cut him off.

"How do you know?" He asked panicking, running his hair through his fingers to help calm him down, beginning to shake he wanted to find Harry more than ever now.

"About you and Harry? There's photos of you kissing all over the school, just look at the billboards. Congratulations by the way" Janice explained and Louis turned around not even bothering with how rude he looked, walking over to the board to see a photo of him and Harry yesterday under the street lights.

Walking back to the courtyard he was looking for Zayn, knowing he was the only one who knew. Louis knew he was mad, he knew he said shit he shouldn't of but stooping to such a low level and telling everybody was a place he thought Zayn would never go. When spotting him he walked up to him quickly, pushing him when in distance.

"How fucking dare you Zayn!?" He yelled, watching as his old group stared at him, "I get it, i get that i said shit i shouldn't have but what fucking right does that give you to tell people about Harry and I? God is throwing fuck knows how many years of friendship away really worth it?"

"Louis, it wasn't me-"

"Save your excuses, don't fucking lie to my face. Do you know why i kept it hidden? Because the whole fucking school seems to be homophobic and now look what you've done. I'm getting whispers, I can't find poor Harry who you have affected too. He doesn't deserve this!!" Louis yelled.

"Fucking calm down" Ethan started, pushing Louis off Zayn, "It was me"

"WHY!?" Louis screamed and raised his fist to get ready to punch him when Michael stood in the way, "Get out of my way Michael."

"Get out of this group. We don't need a faggot here, piss off before i do something I'll regret." Michael whispered and Louis looked back to Niall and Zayn, both looking down at the ground ashamed.

"Fine, I'll go. Im glad after all these years you all could accept me!" Louis sarcastically yelled, "Im fucking glad you all make me feel so fucking welcome."

"Fuck off Louis!" Ethan yelled.

-

"You said you'd stop!?" Harry cried, seeing Louis on the floor of the schools bathroom, a small, empty bag of cocaine next to him. Louis eyes were heavy, his mind was blank and his heart was numb, "I get that today's hard but we are in this together Louis? You didn't even make it through one day."

"It's too hard" Louis mumbled, barely audible.

"What is?" Harry asked, crouching on the floor next to him, placing his hand on Louis shoulder for comfort, "Come on Lou, darling you can tell me"

"Living a normal life" Louis said slowly, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, "I want to stop, i truly do, but i can't. Cocaine isn't just something i take to make my life easier, it was at first but not anymore, now? I have to take it so i can make it through the day. I'm too deep baby, i can't stop"

"Yes you can Louis, you can i promise" Harry cried, "Millions of people struggle with cocaine use and so many get out of the addiction! You will be one of those people"

"Why do you believe in me so much, why are you by my side when it's my fault you are being called a faggot" he told him sadly, bringing his knees up to his chest, "Zayn has left, why haven't you?"

"Fuck Zayn" Harry yelled, "You don't need that asshole, it's his mistake for leaving you. I'm staying by your side because i love you Lou? That's the only reason i need. I love you and I'm not letting some stupid high school idiots take that feeling away from me"

"You shouldn't love me" Louis admitted.

"And why is that? You love me? Why can't i feel the same about you?"

"You aren't a fucked up, drug addicted, loser that's why" Louis laughed, "I lost all my friends, the school hates me, Michael cancelled my contract with Josh, I'm a lost cause"

"You don't need all that- you don't need your asshole friends, my group will let you in, they like you, they're accepting. We are fixing your drug problem and you already have a fan base, they can take away your agent but you have that YouTube account, you have thousands of followers, just because Michael took you one step back it doesn't mean you give up!"

"No point " Louis said, leaning up against the wall.

"There is a point, there always is!" Harry softly whispered, wrapping his arms around Louis. Louis feeling himself melt into his arms, realizing he can't do this to Harry, he just couldn't.

"I'm dragging you down" Louis told Harry, looking up at his boyfriend feeling himself quickly feeling more numb than before, "We... shouldn't be together."

"Don't be stupid Louis! We love each other, we are going to get through this" Harry explained confidently.

"I'm breaking up with you Harry- You don't deserve this, you deserve the world. You shouldn't have to be called a faggot everyday in the corridor, you shouldn't have to waste all your energy trying to fix me, you deserve someone who can protect and care for you... someone who isn't me" Louis cried out, tears falling down his cheeks.

"I don't care if you can't protect me from the homophobic comments!" Harry yelled, "I don't care about any of those things! I want you Louis! Only you!"

"We are over" Louis whispered, closing his eyes, not wanting to see the hurt expression on Harry's face, "i love you"

"Stop it" Harry said whilst sobbing uncontrollably, "you don't mean any of this, you- you don't"

"Please leave, i don't want to take what i'm saying back and hurt you even more" Louis whispered once more, eyes still closed.

"why are you doing this to me?" Harry cried. Louis stayed silent, not seeing anything but hearing sobs and footsteps out of the bathroom door.

When Louis opened his eyes the bathroom was empty. Placing his hands over his face he began to cry, sobbing harder than he had ever before. Wishing he could be better, wishing he could be the person Harry deserved, wishing his life was back to how it was before cocaine absolutely tore his life apart, ruining each aspect of it one by one until it was nothing but a miserable ball of nothing.

His life was over, he had no friends, no lover, no career, nothing. He felt as if he had no point, as if continuing on would do nothing. Pulling out his phone he opened his camera roll to the list of helplines he took a photo of, contemplating whether he should call one, turning his phone off he began to cry once more.

How did it get like thi