Something More | Randy

chapter sixteen | elephant

Today was the day I was going to tell him. 

Granted, I'd said this about yesterday, and the day before and the day before that. Four different countries, and just as many failed attempts to put my foot down. I was astonished by my own lack of willpower. 

This simply could not go on. But every other time I'd tried to tell Ryan that we had to talk about what we meant to each other- because I couldn't keep going knowing he had a girlfriend waiting at home- I had barely gotten past the first syllable of my planned ultimatum before I was lured into another steamy make out session. 

It had started with a covert moment of boredom under a bridge in Brussels. Then it had happened again under the stage in the Amsterdam venue. By Frankfurt, we had graduated to a locker room in a hotel gym. Every time I found myself alone with him, those pesky thoughts of moral responsibility simply disapparated from my mind. 

Now, on the road to Berlin, we were spooning along the back bench of the van, holding hands covertly beneath a blanket. Every now and then, when he was sure none of the others had their eyes on us, Rye would press a discreet little kiss to my neck or occasionally a nip. The way I reacted to his touch- little sparks shooting through my entire body- reminded me that I was falling dangerously hard for him, making it all the more important we have that talk. 

As we checked into our hotel room in Berlin after arriving in the city late at night, I noticed Kylie's name pop up in a notification bubble on Ryes's phone from across the room. My heart sank a little as I watched him open up the snapchat and snap a goofy selfie in return. 

Watching him interact with her, even from thousands of miles away, reminded me of the real reason why I was so scared to ask Rye what he planned to do about the Kylie situation. I was scared that if given the choice, he wouldn't choose me. 

I knew I had our history of friendship on my side, but I also had that working against me. I was the wrong gender for him, a professional colleague, and an inconvenience to him in more ways than I wanted to count. To put that against a stunningly attractive girl, who had a fun personality to boot- I hated how little I fancied my chances. She would be the easier one to love. Hell, I didn't even know who I'd have picked in his shoes. 

From my side at least, there was never any question, even as the doubts and fears plagued me. My answer would always be him, him, him. 

As Darren handed out room keys to the Berlin hotel, a rare miracle fell into my lap. 

"Double rooms only this time, so one of you three's going to have to go by yourself," Darren informed Rye and Mikey and I. 

"I will!" Offered Mikey instantly, who had made it all too clear he had had enough of our antics in the last room. 

Rye and I looked at each other aware that now that for the first time we would be completely alone for a whole night. I saw a fire ignite in his eyes. My stomach flipped in anticipation. 

We'd barely made it through the door before we were all over each other. Rye pinned me up against a wall, hungrily kissing down my neck. He sucked on the soft skin at the base of my ear and a sigh rose from my lips. 

It was funny, really. When I'd messed around with kissing guys when I was younger, I was convinced I didn't like the feeling as much as that of a girl. I preferred to be dominant, to feel smooth skin and delicate lips and soft curves.

Yet here I was, Rye's stubble sending my brain spinning six ways from Sunday, the roughness of his kiss provoking all kinds of unimaginable thoughts. Moreover, I was absolutely loving the tight grip he had on me and how his strength overpowered mine. It was like Rye Beaumont had ripped up the masculinity-infused rule book in my brain of how kissing was meant to go for me and was reteaching me the true meaning of desire. I was an all too willing student; he could unlock my potential all day if he wanted to.