Love ~ Leonardo Dicaprio fanfic

15 ~ panick

Leo's POV:

For a fucking week had I been waiting for Jackie to call me, to tell me that she forgave me.
I had already planned what I would tell her when she called. I would say that everything was okay and that I still loved her and would always do. Then I would invite her over and we would fuck all day. Okay... the last part was a joke.

I shifted position in my bed and tapped my fingers against my phone screen. The beer bottle in my hand was almost empty and I filled my throat with the last liquid.

I stared at the phone with blank eyes, waiting for her name to pop up on the screen.
Where was she? Was she fucking Winston? Was he touching her? Images of the two of them in a bed made me feel like I was about to throw up.

"Fuck!" I yelled and threw the beer bottle against the wall. It broke and thousands of glass shatters spread over the floor.

With a groan I got out of bed and picked up a new beer from the shelf. I walked past the mirror and grimaced when I saw my own reflection. I looked like complete shit. There were dark bags under my eyes and my hair was standing in all directions.

"Fucking hell." I muttered and pulled my hands through my messy hair. I brought the beer to my lips and watched myself in the mirror as I finished more than half of the bottle in only a couple of seconds. Jeez, what a complete drunk I am.

With a confident grin I grabbed my phone and pressed Jackie's number. It took a couple of seconds before she answered.
"Hello?" she said in a... happy voice? What the fuck?

"Hey baby." I slurred and licked my lips. "Can you please forgive me?"
She sighed. "Are you drunk?"
"Maybe." I giggled and laid down on my back in the bed. I thought about all the times Jackie and I had laid here together. Why hadn't I been more thankful when I had her?

"Why did we never have sex?" I asked her with a smirk. "I can make you feel so good." I continued.

"Leo I don't want to talk to you right now." she told me and I felt my heart ache in my chest.
"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice shaking.
"We're not together anymore." she explained in a low voice. My eyes watered up and I tried to swallow back the tears that were threatening to fall. She didn't mean that.

I was about to say something when I heard a voice in the background. I turned up the volume and gasped when I heard Winston's voice. No fucking way!

"You know better than to hang out with him." I cracked out. "He's just using you."

Jackie ended the call and I felt myself struggle with my breathing. I stood up from the bed and threw my phone against the wall with a scream. 

What the fuck did I do wrong to deserve this fucking shit in my life? How did I turn into such a mess?!

I grabbed a lamp from the nightstand and threw it across the room. I should just kill myself, then I wouldn't have to feel this pain. I grabbed a beer bottle and smashed it against my head.

-    -    -    -

"I'm here baby." she whispered into my hair.
I was laying in Jackie's lap. How did she get into my room?

My gaze was blurry and I felt blood all over my forehead. Jackie's hands caressed my skin and a relieved sigh left my mouth.
My body was slightly trembling and the floor felt hard against my numb body.

I burried my head closer to Jackie's lap and breathed in her scent. She didn't smell the way she used to do. I opened my eyes a bit wider and tried to see her face clearer. Wait what?

"Mom?" I cracked out. She wiped away the tears from my cheeks and nodded slowly.
"Yes sweetie." she whispered in a calm voice. I blinked slowly. What was the time? For how long had I been passed out? Had she already finished work? Where was dad?

I had never been close to my parents and it felt weird to be laying so close to mom's body. It felt good though. Maybe this was what I had always longed for. To be hugged by my mother and to hear that everything would be okay.

There was a small part in me that wanted to run out of the room and tell mom to fuck off. But I was too shocked and numb to be able to move.

"I love you so much Leo baby." mom said and brushed my hair away from my sweaty forehead. "You have to tell me what's going on in your life." she says. "I can always fix everything, you know that."

I closed my eyes. All of this was just too much. How could I have turned into this complete drunk when my parents were so perfect? Was it that I had always wanted their attention? Was that why I hit people, smoked and behaved like a complete asshole?

"I fucked up mom." I groaned. My voice was raspy and was close to cracking at any moment.
"Okay." mom said slowly. "What went wrong?"
I didn't answer her. Fuck, she really knew nothing about me. I couldn't tell her what I had done. She would get so fucking disappointed. She would probably start crying and scream at me to leave her house.

"Is it any of your friends? Or is it school?" mom continued guessing for a while but I didn't say a single thing.

"Is it a girl? You've always been quite the ladie's man haven't you?" a small smile played on mom's lips and I forced myself to look away. If she just knew all the shit I had done she wouldn't be smiling right now.
"If you don't tell me I can't help you." mom said and her hand ran over my sweaty back.

"Is it Fredrica?" mom asked. "Are you still sad after what happened?"
My body went rigid when mom said her name. I had tried to forget about her for the last years. Now that I heard her name I almost couldn't breath.

"Don't fucking bring up Freddie into this." I spat and mom sighed.

But of course she had a part in all the mess that was going on between me and Jackie. If Jackie hadn't found the photos of me and Fredrica we wouldn't be here in the first place. I should just have thrown away the pictures the day that Fredrica died.

"I had a girlfriend for a while." I told mom in a stern voice. Mom's eyes went wide. Couldn't she at least try to look less shocked?
"I thought you didn't date?" mom said.
I rolled my eyes. "It doesn't matter." I snapped. "I fucking loved her and then I fucked up so fucking bad." I said with a painful grimace.

"What did you do?" mom asked. "I'm sure it's not that bad."
Oh if she just knew.
"First I lied to her, then we fought and I- I..." I choked on my own breaths and gritted my teeth.
"You... What?" mom asked.

I hit her. I fucking hit her. What if I would have accidentally killed her? When she fell backward she could have hit her head in a bench and died because of blood loss. It would all have been my fault. I would have to live the rest of my life knowing that I was the one who caused her death.

Panic welled through my body and I couldn't breath properly. I fucking killed her? My mind was racing and I couldn't distinguish what was the truth or not anymore. Jackie was dead. Just as Fredrica was dead too.
I pulled my hair and choked on the loss of air I had in my lungs. What was happening with me?

My body began trembling and I stomped my feet against the floor.
"Leo you have to breath." mom told me. Why did she look so fucking calm? Because she wasn't real.
"Y-you're dead." I choked out.
Mom inhaled a deep breath and a frown appeared on her beautiful face.
"You died five years ago." I told her. The image of her slowly disappeared and I tried to reach for her. I was alone now. Alone on the bedroom floor with a panic attack slowly taking over my body.

I- I needed air. My lungs felt like they had grown into the size of an apple.
I reached for my phone with trembling hands and pressed Jackie's number. She was the only one who could save me in a moment like this.

"What Leo?"
I swallowed when I heard her voice. If she was just here with me...
"J-jackie." I cracked out. My lungs were still begging for air and I had a hard time getting the words out of my dry mouth;

"H-help me."

-   -    -    -    -

Please vote & comment, it makes me so happy❤️
This chapter was kinda hard to write with Leo having a panic attack and imagining stuff that wasn't real and so on. Hope ya like it!😎