Lapidot oneshots

8-Baking-(Fluff)

-Based off a real life event-

February 2nd. This as many may know was Peridots birthday. And like any great girlfriend I decided to tried to bake a cake. Key word: Tried. Well, I can cook, and grill. But, when it comes to baking... ummm.... we don't speak of that... Baking involves a lot more accurate measurements then cooking, also recipes are usually complicated and have ingredients you have NEVER heard of.

  I still try though, Peridot LOVES red velvet. So naturally I decided to make a red velvet cake. Assuming it wouldn't be hard. I had went to the store the night prior with my mother to by everything I needed to make the cake. So it the next day. I should have done this before her birthday. But then the cake wouldn't be fresh and I refuse to give my girlfriend day old cake.
I dug out all of the ingredients and sat them on the counter. I had a recipe on my phone, so I opened the website and scrolled to the institutions.

Be sure that all of your ingredients are at room temperature before getting starting.

Room Temperature!? How do I know when it's at 'room temperature'? Do I even have time for that!? Is there a label that says "Hey stupid, it takes me 17 minutes to become room temperature." On the milk jug, or anything for that matter?! I'm only on the first direction and I'm already stressed. I groan and start reading more instructions.

I suggest creaming the butter and sugar together for about 4-5 minutes. Creaming the butter and sugar together until light and fluffy incorporates more air into your cake batter creating a softer, lighter cake.

WHAT THE FUCK IS 'CREAMING THE BUTTER'!? Is that melting it? That's what it sounds like... Fuck it. I threw the butter, which was 3/4th of a cup, into a bowl and microwaved it. Yeah.... totally? I pulled it out once it got melted all the way. Before I went any further I decided to go ahead and start to preheat the oven to 350°F and then mixed the melted butter and sugar together for a while. Isn't supposed to be fluffy? And light? This just looks like egg yokes! God I've already fucked up and I'm not even 10 minutes in. It shouldn't effect it that much, right? I growl and just move on, grabbing a large mixing bowl out of the cabinet. I grabbed a whisk and then the Cake flour, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt.  I need to put all of these into the bowl and mix them.
2 and 2/3rds cups of Cake flour. Shit. I don't have a 2/3rds cup! Is 3/8ths close enough? HOW DO WE NOT HAVE A 2/3rds CUP?! So I resort to my favorite sentence to say while baking. Fuck it. I throw 2 and 3/8ths cups of the cake flour into the bowl. Okay, next?
1/4th cup of  coca powder. Right. I actually have that. So I dumped the amount into the the bowl. Gordon Ramsey would be proud.
1 teaspoon of baking soda. EASY! However, I SOMEHOW managed to mix up the tablespoon for the teaspoon. I curse under my breath. It can't make THAT much of a difference, right?. That's my second favorite sentence to say while baking. Okay... now??? 1/2 a teaspoon of salt. And this time I actually used the correct spoon. I did it! With only 2 fuck ups! Once again, Gordon Ramsey would be proud. I mix the bowl until the coca powder has no weird clumps in it.
Now back to my... creamed?.. butter and salt concoction. Now I have to add eggs, the oil, red food coloring, vanilla extract, and then vinegar. Okay. I got this. Totally. I'm the baking master! (If you cant tell by now, I get to confident in myself) OKAY! Back to business.
2 large eggs. Got it. I crack the eggs on the edge of the bowl and let them fall into the butter and sugar bowl. Now 1/2 a cup of vegetable oil. I got this. I struggle to find the damn 1/2 cup, upon finding it I pour the oil into the cup and then into the bowl. Awessssome! Okay now, I tilt my head to look at the recipe again. 1 once of red food coloring. I bought one of the small that have like 4 different colors, red, blue, orange, and yellow. But I'm having a hard time finding out which one is red. The blue is obvious as well is the yellow. But for some reason the red and orange look similar. WHAT THAT HELL!? I have a 50/50 shot. I huff and open one bottle and dump it in. Yep. Not red. DAMMIT! Peridot! Im sorry! I calm myself. It's okay. It's just gonna be a... orange... velvet cake... Now I need 2 teaspoons of the vanilla extract. I quickly get those added in and then also add the 1 teaspoon of vinegar.
I then mix that together a little bit, not knowing If I should actually mix it all the way yet.
I then see I have to add buttermilk slowly as I mix. Got it. I need 1 and 1/3rds cups of the butter milk. I get both of them prepared and slowly pour them in as I struggle to mix it with one hand. Just as I did this the oven had finished preheating, which made me jump.
I huff and then quickly mix the two bowls together into an ORANGE concoction.
Okay so all I have to do now is spray the pan with a nonstick spray. Then set parchment paper on top.
Then I distribute the batter throughout the small square pan. I then, as safely as possible, I set the pan inside. Now it has to cook for 28-32 minutes. I decided to go for a good 30 minutes. Sitting a timer in my phone, then walking into the living room and sitting on the couch.

Not even 10 minutes later I can a conference call with Peridot and Amethyst. I decided to join. We were talking mostly about Peridots birthday as well as things that had happened that day and stories. The call had been on for only 45 minutes. By this time I had completely forgotten about the cake, well, that was until I smelled something that was impossible to describe. It then hits me. I yell a loud "OH SHIT!" Before hanging up and running into the kitchen. Getting and oven mitt and open the oven, coughing, pulling out the pan and almost tossing it on top of the oven. My once orange cake was now a charred black. I whimper in disappointment. I then hear a knock on the door. I walk to the door and open it, seeing my best friend Steven.
"So. How's your cake going?" I had told Steven my plan earlier that day.
"Well.... actually... uh..."
"You said 'fuck it' didn't you?"
"...yeah...."
Steven walked inside and then into the kitchen and saw my... attempt. I stood behind him, embarrassedly shifting my weight from side to side.
"Want me to help?" By help he meant 'do' I wanted to protest but I knew he would help ether way. So he, I tried to help, I cracked the eggs... and gave him the actual red food coloring... so I helped. Totally. Within about an hour we had an actual cake. Steven also made the icing. He let me decorate the cake though.

Later that day after everything was said and done the cake, that Steven made, was laid out. I saw the look on Peridots face upon eating her first bite. I remember how she asked who made the cake. I went to answer her question, however, Steven stopped me.
"Lapis made it."
What!? Did not! I glared at him and he grinned.
"HOLY SHIT!" Peridot yelled, not believing Steven. Then Steven SOMEHOW convinced her I made the cake. I then got many thanks for from her. The rest of the night was filled with fun memories.

Then once the party was over me and Peridot sat in her room. After a long moment, She looked up at me.
"You didn't make that cake did you?"
"No I did not." I shake my head
"Knew it." She laughed and then kissed my cheek. "Love you, Doofus."
"Love you too, Baby."

AND THIS DID HAPPEN TO ME!
Im Lapis. (Ya boi cAnT bake)
Peridot is LoserAl3x
Steven is my best friend Cody
Amethyst is my friend Adrien

So.

Yee.

I have to go charge my phone... it's at 4%

Much love ❤️
~Red