Before You

Chapter 5

My other two classes went by pretty quickly. It being the first day I'm sure my professors were lenient, but I'm not expecting that for the rest of the semester. History of Photography and Composition are sure to be easy courses. The teachers seem to be nice and the syllabus is very straightforward.

After classes, I hopped in my car and drove back to my apartment. The traffic wasn't too bad. I'm glad I decided on an apartment that was close to campus versus a dorm room. I like to have my own space and I can't imagine how stressful it would be to be paired up with someone I don't like in a dorm. I park close to my apartment and decide to check my mailbox before going inside. I sift through the small stack of mail. There's only junk mail, nothing important. I don't know why I was expecting anything more. I just moved in.

Once inside my apartment, I carelessly throw the stack of mail on the coffee table and fall onto my sofa. There's so much I need to do. I need to organize my assignments, do a grocery run for the week, and start exploring Atlanta. My first photography assignment will be due soon and I don't want to be rushed. I'll lay here for 15 minutes and then get started. A small break isn't going to put me back that much. As I lay on the sofa looking at the white ceiling above me, I think about my mother. I thought she would have called me by now. It is my first day of college after all. I guess she needs time. She had so many plans put in place for me and now those plans have changed. They're not hers, they're mine. I'm sure it came as a shock to her when I decided to change those plans.

My mind wonders back to the day I told her about my interest in Photography. One afternoon after picking up a few groceries for my mother, I was walking back to my car when I passed a local gallery. The door was open and I heard some music coming from within the small building. As I looked through the open door, I saw a photo of an old wooden barn hanging on a wall. I only had two small bags in my hands so I decided to go inside. There were about 20 people in the old, small building. Hanging on every wall inside, were perfectly framed portraits. Each portrait had an admirer in front of it, taking in every single detail shown. I had some time so I decided to look around. The portraits showed many different farm elements. There were portraits of tractors, fields, old fencing, and dirt roads. As I approached the end of the room, I saw what first caught my attention to begin with.

There on the wall was a photo of an old, wooden barn. A black, metal frame encased the portrait. The barn shown was old and broken down. A portion of the roof was caved in and it was surrounded by overgrown grass. I don't know why I felt so drawn to this barn. I found it to be beautiful in it's own way. I was in my thoughts when a man, who looked to be in his mid twenties approached me, catching me off guard.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" he said. "My name is Matthew Robinson. These are all of my photos and this happens to be my favorite piece of the show", he says pointing to the portrait before me.

I know I looked shocked, because he let out a small laugh and then returned his gaze to the portrait.

"These are all beautiful", I said softly. "I don't think I've ever seen anything like this."

I looked, as his smile got even bigger. "Thank you. I'm glad you feel that way", he said.

We talked for about an hour before I realized that I was still holding the grocery bags I came in with. Matthew told me about how he came across the abandoned old farm and his decision to photograph it. He showed me his favorite photos from the gallery and discussed why he photographed each one. I loved talking to him and hearing the excitement and passion that came with each portrait.

"It was so nice talking to you. I really should go, I'm late as it is", I said quickly.

He smiled while taking my right hand in his for a handshake. "It was so nice talking to you as well. Have a great afternoon and please keep an eye out for my next gallery showing. I would love to get your thoughts on it".

"That would be great", I said. With that, I walked out of the building with thoughts crowding my mind.

I didn't know what to think or where to start. I never expected how much this would change things. I felt such a spark looking over all of Matthew's images. Something deep within me wanted more. I wanted to feel passion and excitement. I wanted to travel and discover unknown places. I wanted more. I wanted more than my mother had planned for. I didn't know what to do with so much uncertainty. However, I was certain of one thing. My plans WERE going to change. I wouldn't abide by my mother's plan. I was creating a plan of my own. I wouldn't be staying in Savannah and going into Business Administration. I would leave town. I would leave her and become a Photographer.

Gripping both hands on the steering wheel, I went 10 mph over the speed limit. I was anxious to get home and put all of my thoughts into action. Most importantly, I was excited to tell my mother about everything I saw and explain how I felt. I thought she would be happy for me. I would still go to college and make my own money once I graduated. I would still have a good life, one where I could take care of myself. So, of course, she would support me. Or so I thought.

I shake the thoughts out of my mind. I stayed in Savannah longer than I thought I would, but it wasn't a waste. I started college there getting all of the core classes I would need over a two-year period. When I had enough money saved up and was able, I made the plans to move to Atlanta and finish my degree. I'm glad I only have two years left. Maybe less if I can take more classes than I originally planned. Either way I have to find a job or those plans would be altered, and I'm determined not to fail.

I grab my laptop and search for local job openings. As I scan the listings, I see that most of them are positions that I don't qualify for. Towards the bottom of the list I see a few possibilities. In bold print, I see listings for Restaurant Dishwasher, Server, Library Assistant, Receptionist, and Dog Walker. I can't be picky. If I'm going to stay in Atlanta, I have to find a job and fast. Sitting up on the sofa, I dive into applying for every position I qualify for.

By 8:00 that night, I'm finished applying for jobs and decide to see what's on television. I grab a blanket and cover myself up as I take in the screen before me. I'm tired. The events of the day have caught up with me and my eyes feel heavy. Before I can grasp what's actually happening on the screen, my eyes close and I feel the weight of my body relax. Tomorrow I'll start fresh with my assignments. Right now I just want to surrender. I exhale and fall into a deep sleep.