Before You

Chapter 54

I sit on the porch and watch the sky as the sun rises. It's peaceful here. There's no traffic and no people outside of my window making too many noises. The only sounds I hear are the chair against the wood as I rock on the porch and the birds as they fly above me from tree to tree. This is where I wanted to be. I have entirely too much on my mind. I knew I needed some space, and more than anything, silence. I'm glad Jett brought me to this old cabin before. I fell in love with it the first time I was here. This was the first place that came to mind when I decided to leave my apartment. I don't understand how Mr. Hank was ever able to leave this place. I would love to spend the rest of my days here. However, I am thankful to enjoy it right now, and even more thankful that I remembered where to find the key to this place outside on the porch.

No one knows where I am. Mason has been sending text messages and trying to call me since yesterday. Jett has texted me a few times, just checking in on me. He hasn't asked how I'm feeling since our discussion yesterday, but I'm sure he wants to know where I'm at with all of this. I haven't responded to anyone and no one knows that I left my apartment. It just became too much. I need time to sort through this. I drove out to the cabin yesterday and spent the night here. I'm not sure what's going to happen today. For now, I'm just enjoying watching the sunrise.

I still can't make sense of how I feel about Mason kissing me. Mason and I have history. He's my best friend. He's always been there when I needed him most. He's one of the first people I call, other than Boston, when something happens. I trust his advice and his opinion on everything. Mason kissed me and I didn't stop him. I don't know if I liked the kiss or not. It definitely didn't feel wrong to me. It felt natural and comfortable, like something we've done a thousand times, only we haven't.

I was completely shocked to find out that Mason has had feelings for me since before Gage. Honestly, shocked and a little angry too. I wonder how things may have been different if Mason and I got together before Gage. Could I be something more than friends with Mason? Would we still be together now? Could this work? I shake my head from side to side in realization. It doesn't matter what could have been. This is the card I've been dealt. Now, it's just a matter of trying to figure out where to go from here.

I stand up from the rocking chair and walk out onto the field. The grass is starting to grow taller. Mr. Hank will probably have someone out here again soon to cut it back down. I slowly walk through the open field and towards the pond. The sun is peeking out through the clouds, shining on my face. The warmth feels nice against the cool breeze. I look out into the open field. If this were my land, a small portion of it would be a wildflower field. I would lay in the midst of them everyday and admire the sky. Oh the possibilities of what this place could be.

As I reach the pond, I take a seat on the grass a few feet away. The water is so still, it almost looks like glass. If Jett were here, I'm sure he would be photographing it in every way possible. I realize that I never thought about water in a different way until Jett. I would have never compared it to glass, or anything else for that matter, before him. The memory of our first time here together brings a smile to my face. I was so rude to him. I couldn't wait to finish the assignment so we could get away from each other. He never gave up. He was always so pleasant to me, even when I didn't deserve it.

I throw a small stick into the water and watch as the ripples take effect on the surface. I understand why Jett is so fascinated with photographing water. As I watch the ripples change shape, I have to admit, it is beautiful. I think about the owner of this property, Mr. Hank. I wonder if he and his wife were happy here. I wonder if they dreamt about the possibilities of what this place could be. I'm sure their time together was much shorter than what they had anticipated. I guess that's just the way life goes.

I lie down into the grass and stare up at the sky. Mason and Jett have both had an effect on who I am today. Although I haven't known Jett for that long, he's changed the way I view men. I never thought I would trust anyone again after Gage. Jett has shown me that it's possible. Not every man is the same. It just turns out that I was dealt a bad hand with Gage. Jett is so full of life. We talk about traveling, art, photography, having fun, and living life to the fullest. We have more in common than I could have imagined. He's taught me to enjoy life more and not be so serious. I feel like I'm a better version of myself when I'm with him.

Mason is different. He's... Mason. He and I have been best friends for what feels like an eternity. I trust him completely. He's never lied to me and has always had my best interest at heart. He's comfortable. He's my safe place. I know what to expect with him at all times. Mason knows my history. He knows about my father, the issues I have with my mother, my past with Gage, and what I want for my future. There are no guessing games and no trying to figure things out.

I can't believe I'm in this situation. How am I supposed to choose between the two of them? I know one thing is for sure. They will never want to be around each other again. I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. I know what I have to do, but doing it means that someone is going to be hurt. For that, I feel a sting of pain in my chest. When I open my eyes, I see that the sun is gone and dark clouds are crowded above me. I stand up from the grass and start running back to the cabin.

As I step foot back onto the porch, the rain begins to pour down. I take a seat back on my rocking chair and watch as it falls. The noise of the rain hitting the roof of the cabin is loud, yet so peaceful. I decide to go inside and take a small nap. This is my time. I might as well make the best of it. I lie down on the couch and settle in. As my eyes close, a familiar face enters my mind and I feel at ease.

"Hey!" I hear a voice shout. "Are you in there?"

I awake to the sound of banging on the cabin door. Oh no. I'm not supposed to be here. It's probably Mr. Hank wanting to know who is on his property. I stand up off the couch, adjust my shirt, and try to straighten my hair as much as I possibly can. I walk briskly to the door and swing it open. Standing in front of me, soaking wet from the rain is Jett.

I tug on his arm pulling him inside the cabin. "What are you doing here?"

Jett steps inside as water falls from his clothes and onto the floor. "Looking for you."

"What? Why?" I ask.

"You haven't answered my calls or texts." He says frankly. "I went by your apartment. I wanted to make sure you're okay."

My stance softens. "How did you know I would be here?"

Jett's hand moves up to my face and he tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "It's quiet here. You feel more like yourself here than you do anywhere else."

I stare at Jett in awe of his response. This man never ceases to amaze me. He was concerned that I haven't returned his calls and texts. He went by my apartment and when he saw that I wasn't there, he knew exactly where I would be. One of the reasons I came to the cabin was because I thought I couldn't be found here. I was certain that no one would find me until I was ready to be found. Yet, here is Jett standing before me. Jett runs his hand through this soaked hair pushing it back away from his face. Water runs down his cheeks and drips onto the floor. I step towards him, closing the gap between us. My hand reaches up to the top of his chest and I unzip the lightweight jacket he's wearing. Jett doesn't take his eyes off mine as he continues to remove the soaked jacket.

"Evy, I-" Jett begins.

"Wait." I interrupt him, placing my index finger against his lips.

Jett stares at me with a look of confusion but stays quiet. Droplets of water continue to drip from strands of his hair and onto his face. I gently push my hand through his hair, pushing back his soaked hair away from his face. Both of my arms wrap around his waist, pulling him even closer to me. I can feel my heart begin to race. I've been close to Jett before, but this feels different. In this moment, I know what I want and it's him. Carefully, my lips find his. At first he seems unsure. With every second that passes, I can feel Jett becoming more at ease. I feel his hands grasp the sides of my waist. The will to restrain myself is gone and I just want to give in. I want Jett in every sense of the word. Whatever Jett was going to say can wait. It's not important. What is important is that he and I are together. He's here. He knows me. Jett doesn't fight back. His hands move to each side of my face as we continue to kiss. Slowly, we take steps until we are inside the small bedroom. I'm certain that I want this. There's no hint of hesitation or concern at all. I close the door behind us, allowing Jett and I to become lost in each other.