Before You

Chapter 61

"Let me get this straight." Jett says. "You get this little note on your car and you automatically assume it's about me?"

I stare back at him with a blank expression. Jett came over to my apartment first thing this morning. As soon as he came inside, I confronted him with the note. I could have called him last night, but I needed some time to gather my thoughts. Now he's here and I want answers. I won't settle for anything less.

"Evy, this is crazy." Jett adds. "Someone obviously made a mistake and put it on the wrong car."

I watch as Jett easily dismisses the note. He tosses the note onto my kitchen counter and walks towards me. I have thought about the possibility that it was a mistake. A note that was meant for someone else caught up in a bad relationship and I just happened to get caught in the middle. I'm sure it could happen. But my gut, my instinct, is telling me that there's more. I've ignored things, somewhat small things, up until this point. I can't push anything else to the side. Jett begins to wrap his arms around my waist and is caught off guard when I stop him.

"What?" he asks confused.

I take a few steps back from him. "We need to talk."

"Okay." He says. "Talk."

"I know that there's something more to this note." I speak up.

"Evy." Jett says rolling his eyes. "There's nothing to the note. Let it go."

"It's not just the note, Jett." My voice begins to rise.

"Then what else is it?" he asks, frustrated. "What is it? Is it about Thanksgiving dinner?"

I look at him not knowing quite what to say. I didn't think he would mention his family or anything to do with Thanksgiving dinner. I guess the subject has been on his mind after all. "Well, that is another thing."

"Evy, I've already told you. I'm embarrassed of my family." He spurts out. "Can you just leave it at that?"

"So, I assume you already told your mother that I won't be coming to Thanksgiving dinner?" I ask.

Jett's eyes leave mine and fall to the floor.

"Seriously?" I shout. "You haven't mentioned your family or Thanksgiving dinner since I spoke to your mother on the phone and then you go off and make this decision alone? Did you even care how I would feel about not going?"

Jett stands before me in silence. His expression doesn't change. I can read him perfectly. He didn't care how I would feel about not going. He made his mind up and made the decision for me. I study his face carefully. He's standing very still and doesn't move an inch. His breathing has even reduced drastically.

My eyes leave his face and briefly stare out of the window near me. I see people walking throughout the parking lot. As I watch the people move, my mind wonders back to Gage. I can't help but feel like my relationship with Jett is similar to the one I had with Gage. Not identical, but similar. My relationship with Gage was one sided. It was all about him, his feelings, and what he wanted. I came in second place. I never thought I would be in this same position with Jett and yet here I stand. I made a promise that I would never put myself back into that same place. I take a deep breath and find Jett's face again.

"I want you to leave." I say quietly.

Jett's eyebrows rise and he turns his head as if to hear me better. "What?"

"I need you to leave." I speak up.

"Evy, what are you talking about?" he asks.

"Jett, this is hard enough. Please just go." I add.

"No." he responds. "There's no reason for me to go. We're fine. We'll move past this."

I shake my head in response. "No. We're not moving. That's the problem. This relationship is about you, not us. I'm not doing this again. I refuse to not be a priority."

"You are a priority." He says.

My head tilts to the side as I stare at him. I don't have to speak. He understands what I'm thinking. "I love you. I don't want to do this, but this just isn't going to work."

"Evy..." Jett begins.

A tear falls from my eye. "Please just go."

Jett contemplates saying something else, but stops. His eyes scan my face and the room around us. He almost seems confused... confused about what to say and what to do. A few minutes past in silence and then I watch as he slowly makes his way to my apartment door and leaves without even a goodbye.

My feet give way and my backs slide down the wall to the floor below me. My hands cradle my face and catch each tear as they fall. I feel like I'm going to be sick. There's an ache that starts in my chest and lingers down deep into my stomach. I remember this feeling. I felt it once before when I found Liz at Gage's house. I hoped I would never experience it again and it has found me all too soon. I survived before and I can do it again. The question is, do I want to?