Before You

Chapter 51

Mason slowly pulls his head back away from me. His thumb stays on my face, gently caressing my cheek. After a few seconds his hand moves from my face down to my waist. My eyes are focused on his and my lips are left parted in shock. I never expected this to happen, even after hearing from numerous people that Mason had a "thing" for me. I thought they were crazy, obviously mistaking a close friendship for something more. And yet here we are. Mason is my best friend. Why didn't I stop him? Why didn't I question why this was happening? I'm so confused.

"Evy, please say something." Mason pleads.

I ask the first question that comes to mind. "How long?"

Mason's hand leaves my waist and he crosses both of his arms in front of his chest. "A long time."

"How long?" I ask again.

Mason's eyes leave mine as he glances around Boston's yard, taking his time to respond. "Since before Gage."

My mouth falls open at his response. I stare down at the ground trying to make sense of all of this. Since before Gage? How can that be? I never knew Mason had any feelings toward me at all. How could all this time have gone by and me never know? I keep my eyes locked on the ground as I gently rub the temple next to my eye.

"I'm sorry." Mason says softly. "I know I should have said something. By the time I got enough guts to say something, Gage beat me to it. The two of you became a couple and you seemed happy so I backed off. After Gage, I thought you needed some time to get yourself together. Then you moved to Atlanta and started seeing this Jett guy. The timing never seemed to be in my favor."

My eyes finally leave the ground and find his again. There's such softness in Mason's voice. His eyes scan my face, waiting to for any response that I'll give. I can tell he's unsure if he should come closer to me or keep his distance. Suddenly, he takes another step closer to me.

"Evy, I couldn't wait any longer." Mason says eagerly. "I know this is once again bad timing, but I couldn't wait. You need to know how I feel. I can treat you better. I can be better for you. I've always been here and I always will be. I know you, the real you."

I speak up, although my voice sounds like a whisper. "Why did you kiss me?"

"I knew that this could be the only opportunity that I have." Mason sounds defeated. "I wanted to see if there was any feelings on your side, so I kissed you."

I stare at him unsure of what to ask next. I'm startled as my cell phone begins to vibrate in the back pocket of my jeans. It vibrates against the car making a louder than usual noise. I gladly grab my phone, relieved for moment of silence between Mason and I. As I scan the screen, I wish I had left it in my pocket. Jett is trying to call me. I hit the "ignore" button and return the phone to my pocket, making sure not to look at Mason.

"That was him wasn't it?" he asks.

I face Mason. "I don't know what to say. You're my best friend. I didn't know you had any feelings for me, especially since before Gage. I don't... I just..."

Mason reaches out and puts one of my hands in his. His thumb slowly rubs the top of my hand in an attempt to calm me down.

"You don't have to say anything." He says softly. "Please just think about everything I've said. I know you need time to process this. That's the way you've always been."

I stare at Mason as the words leave his mouth. He knows me. He knows all of these little quirks about me that no one else does.

"But, Evy?" Mason adds. "I know there's something here. You kissed me back. You could have stopped."

My lips part again at the acknowledgement. I take a deep breath and stand upright, pushing myself away from my car. "I should go."

Mason nods his head. "Promise me you'll think about this?"

I slowly nod my head. "I will."

Mason wraps both of his arms around me for an embrace. Usually, I would hug him back even tighter, but it's different now. He's different. I give him a small hug in return. Mason steps back and allows enough room for me to get into my car. I shut the door behind me and watch him as I back out of Boston's driveway. Our eyes stay locked on each other until I pull around Boston's house and he's no longer in my view.

I always listen to music in my car. I love to drive with my window down and my music turned up loud. Tonight is an exception. I just want silence. I clench the steering wheel as I make my way back to my mother's house. The radio is turned off and my window is up. My heart is racing, along with my mind. I grit my teeth together in an attempt to keep myself from getting sick.

I pull into my mother's driveway, gathering my purse quickly. As I enter the house, I see that all of the lights are off except the living room lamp. My mother's bedroom door is closed. She must be in bed already. That's fine with me. I don't feel like talking about my night. I quietly walk to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. I'm ready for this day to be over with. I had planned on packing most of my things tonight, but I'm not in the mood now. I throw myself onto the bed and push my face into my pillow. Sleep. I just need to push all of these thoughts out of my head and get some sleep. Ding. I reach down next to my bed and pull my phone out of my purse. I read the text carefully.

I'm sorry about today. I love you. – Jett

I feel a sharp sting in my chest with each word I read. He'll never understand this. I'll never be able to make him understand what happened. A tear falls from my eye, landing on the pillow below me. How can I explain this to him when I don't even understand myself?