Before You

Chapter 53

The sunlight creeps into my bedroom. I watch as a small line of light sits at the top of my ceiling. As the time passes, the line grows until the entire room is filled with light. I don't know how long I've been lying here. I woke up in the darkness and couldn't fall back asleep. So, I've been lying in this bed staring at the room around me. I got up once to look outside of my bedroom window. I saw people walking back and forth between their cars and apartments. Some on their phones and others were laughing. I should get earplugs to drown out all these unwanted noises.

I never heard anything from Jett after he left yesterday. I thought maybe he would text or call me after he calmed down, but nothing happened. I expected him to be angry, but I didn't expect to him to be so lifeless when he left. I've never seen him look so defeated before. Knowing that I'm the cause of that makes me feel even worse. Mason texted me a few times last night. He kept the text messages casual, asking if I had made is safely back to Atlanta. I never responded to him. I don't know what to say. My cell phone rings out loud breaking my thoughts. I check the screen. It's my mother.

"Hello?" I say into the phone.

"Hey Evy." My mother says. "I just wanted to see what you are up to today."

"Um, nothing much." I respond. "I have some laundry I need to do, but that's about it."

"You didn't go back to work today?" she asks.

"No, I took a full week off from work." I reply. "I go back on Thursday."

"Oh okay." She says softly. "Well, since I have you on the phone there's something I want to run by you."

I knew there had to be a catch. "Okay?"

"Well, Brad and I have been talking about our engagement." She begins. "I think that this past week with you here at home went very well. Brad feels like he was able to get to know you even more. I think that going into the future, maybe we can all spend more time together and just keep moving in a positive direction. I really don't see a reason to have a long engagement, especially not at my age. I wanted to get your thoughts on maybe Brad and I getting married sooner than later."

"Sooner than later?" I ask. "What does that mean?"

"Well, maybe by Christmas?" she responds.

"Christmas?" I ask. "That is definitely sooner than later."

"I guess you're not happy with the idea." She adds.

It's been a rough few days. The last thing I want to do is talk to my mother about her getting married to Brad. However, I can tell she was making an effort to be better while I was in Savannah. I know I shouldn't let my situation with Mason and Jett put a damper on that. For now, I just need to push my baggage to the side even if it is just long enough to get through this phone call with her. Brad has been a nice guy. He seems to really love my mother and we have gotten to know each other better. What else is there to say?

"By the end of the year, then. That's fine." I speak into the phone.

"Are you sure?" my mother asks. "We want you to be okay with this."

"Yes, it's fine." I repeat slowly.

"I'm so glad you're on board with this." My mother says. "I know you're probably busy right now. I'll give you a call in a few days."

"Okay." I say, and end the call.

I lay my head back down on my pillow and exhale. I was just warming up to the idea that my mother and Brad are engaged. I thought that maybe they would stay engaged for a while before getting married. I mean, honestly, what is the rush? It seems like once relationships begin, everything from then on is rushed. People rush to get engaged, and then rush to get married, and then rush to have children. I don't understand why this happens. What's wrong with taking your time or even not getting married at all? Now she wants to be married by Christmas? I'm startled as my phone rings out loud. I look down at the screen. It's Mason. No thanks. I don't want to dive into any of that right now. I put the phone down next to me and return my view to the ceiling. Before I can even sort my thoughts, I hear another noise coming from my phone. Ding. I pull up my text messages.

We should talk. Are you free now? – Jett

I take a deep breath as I read each word. I'm assuming that he's had some time to think about everything. He probably has more questions to ask me, or he just wants to tell me that things are over. No matter how bad it is, I need to hear what he has to say. Now is as good of a time as any. I pick up my phone and search for his name, hitting the call button immediately. It only rings once.

"Hey." Jett says.

"Hey." I respond.

"I just need to know...was it real?" he asks softly. "You and me, that is."

He's questioning how I feel about him? "Of course it is. I never asked for this Jett. It just happened."

I listen closely, but there's just silence on the other end. How can he question how I feel about him? I thought I made my feelings for him pretty clear. After a few minutes Jett speaks up.

"Evy, you may not have asked for this, but it still happened." He responds. "I've been telling you all along that Mason has feelings for you. I asked you if you tried to stop him and you said no. How am I supposed to feel about that?"

Jett has every right to be angry. If I were in his shoes, I would be too. I didn't try to stop Mason from kissing me. I know that, Mason knows that, and now Jett knows that too. However hard it was to admit that, I didn't want to lie to him. I don't want to be that person.

"I still want you Evy." Jett adds.

"What?" I ask.

"I do. I still want you." He says softly. "I've already told you, I'll always want you. But I want you to want me in the same way. I have to know that you only want me and there's no room for anyone else."

"Jett, I-" I begin.

"Do me a favor?" he interrupts. "Just think on this. Really think about what you want, who you want. If you want him, I'll walk away. I don't want to do that, but if he holds your happiness, then I'll move forward. But if you choose me...if you want me...it has to be us. There's no room for anyone to come between us again."

I don't know what to say. I was sure he was going to end things between us. He was so angry when I told him about Mason. He left my apartment so lifeless and defeated. I was sure what his response was going to be. There's no way he would think I was worth the effort of trying to move past this. No way he loved me that much. Now he wants me to think about this, about us?

"I'm going to go for now." Jett speaks up. "I have some work I need to do. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Okay." I push out.

Jett ends the call. I sit on my bed staring at my phone resting in my hand. Numerous thoughts begin to rush into my mind. My mother's getting married. She wants to be married by Christmas. Mason kissed me. I didn't stop him. Do I have feelings for Mason too? I hurt Jett. I had a part in this happening. Can we move past this?

I close my eyes as my head falls into my hands. There's too much to think about. I don't want to deal with all of this! I hear someone laughing from the parking lot outside and it pushes me over the edge. That's it! I need silence. I need space. I jump out of my bed and get dressed quickly. I know exactly where to go.