self-destruction.
i'm addicted to the pain.
this beautiful pain.
i'm addicted to drowning.
addicted to bottling everything up,
until it overflows.
i'm addicted to burning myself.
addicted to burning my thoughts,
until the ashes don't even exist anymore.
i'm addicted to suffocating.
addicted to gulping my words,
until i have a bellyache.
i'm addicted to the coldness.
addicted to becoming frozen,
until i can't move.
i'm addicted to feeling invisible.
addicted to feeling useless and weird,
until i break down.
i'm so addicted.
i'm so god damn addicted.
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i wrote this thinking of how much i do things to myself,
i feel like someone out there can relate, i don't know why but at times i feel like i bring out the bad in me or i accept the pain when i know it'll hurt and i'll regret it later on.
and i don't even know why i do that.
i also wrote this thinking of something that an important person to me said to me once and i still remember how much of a monster i felt at that moment, when it wasn't even true. how ugly i felt mentally.
this wasn't really a poem, more like thoughts but i still hope it's good
a.v
