he opened his eyes as he heard his mother's voice telling him to wake up. "it's time for school."
he sighed and tried to let it sink in.
he got up, got dressed and left the house.
he waited for the bus and continued thinking about all the things that had bothered him and kept him stressed the previous days.
the arguments he had, the guilt he had gathered previously, the blame he put on himself, the hate he keeps on throwing on top of himself, and pretty much all the bad feelings he had as he tried to let them go with continuously sighing, but it didn't really work.
as another student from his classroom arrived at the bus station he made sure to hide his emotionless or emotional expression.
"good morning." said his classmate and he replied the same.
nothing more. that's all, sometimes they'll chat a bit more about things but it certaintly just doesn't happen so often.
he keeps on wondering... why does he feel so unlovable and so unlikeable? why can he just not fit in with the others?
he keeps on wondering... if it's okay to be unique, to be different and if it is actually okay.. why does it hurt this much? why does it hurt being himself? and what is just holding him back from doing so.
why does this hand wrapped around his neck swallow all the words he tries so desperately to speak about.. why?
until, the bus arrives, snap out of it. don't drown anymore.
time to start the day, take a deep breath.
he gets out of the bus and he is ready to pass the road, as the cars pass by, he wonders..
all of these people.. is there a chance that they might be thinking the same things that he does?
what are they going through? are his problems certaintly something insignificant?
take a step into his school, he hugs all of his friends or acquaintances and there we go.
he knows if he doesn't give up through it all he can make it but,
he feels every second passing by.
time goes by so slowly,
yet he can still feel it.
it's painful since he can remember all his thoughts, and he thinks he doesn't want to.
yet, his mind still travels far.
quite far away throughout places he wants to be.
"inside your arms" he whispers to himself but yet,
he can't stop it, it's all over the place.
and he's sitting here in this classroom,
doing literature, but he can't focus.
his mind is kind of stuck with that one person in it,
although his eyes are controllable,
his mind kind of isn't.
it's weird how he's at two places at once.
he's inside the classroom but he's also at the moon,
somewhere quiet but also painfully loud,
with a bunch of roses and simply sitting down,
stargazing and waiting for the sun to rise,
he awaits.
he's done, it's over. the bell rings, as he wakes up from his fantasies,
time to go home.
"i made it another day." he feels good enough to at least say that.
"see you tomorrow again" he waves goodbye as he walks away and faces the other way.
he finally arrives home, it's such a relief.
but.. the time where he has to repeat all of it again and again and again will come. and that's what terrifies him, not being able to know what's going to occur and he's terrified of the future.
he doesn't know what to do.
so he just wakes up the next morning and goes to the bus station, with a sad song in his brain.
