Piercing Fate (Completed) [R-18]

5 : Samuel Beckett

"Then one day, suddenly, it ends, it changes, I don't understand, it dies, or it's me, I don't understand that either. I ask the words that remain sleeping, waking, morning, evening. They have nothing to say." - Samuel Beckett (Endgame)

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Pia

Treasuring and having time for the rationship that we had has never been an entanglement in my part. Inalagaan ko ang relasyong meron kami. Despite my hectic time schedule, the paper works everyday, I still find time for him.

That's why I hated the fact that I am still hurting whenever I remember what had happened. Masakit mang aminin ngunit sadyang masakit lang talaga ang nangyari sa amin ni Pierce.

Seven years. Hindi madaling tapusin ang relasyong iningatan ko din ng pitong taon. Pero minsan kase nakakapagod ding ikaw nalang palagi ang umiintindi sa lalaking sobrang mahal ng puso't isipan mo. Love gets tired sometime but that doesn't mean I love him less. Love is not subtraction mathematics. You can never use subtraction on it. When it is gone then it is gone.

He did ask for forgiveness. Maraming beses na siyang humingi ng tawad sa akin ngunit sadyang hindi ko kayang tanggapin ang ginawa niya.

The pain he had inflicted to me made me realize that love is not permanent. Kung pag-ibig lang din ang batayan, mawawala at magbabago iyon.

Kaya kahit anong gawin ko upang patawarin siya ay hindi ko magawa.

Nakatingin lamang ako sa kawalan ng maisip ko ulit ang nangyari dalawang taon na ang nakakalipas.

It was then too late already when I've realized that I left an important document in Pierce's condo unit. Gabi na iyun. It was already twelve in the evening when I decided to drive going to Pierce's condo unit. Kailangan ko din kase yung mga papel na iyun para sa gaganaping event kinabukasan.

I took my keys and went to the house's parking lot. I drove going to Pierce's condo. I was calling him many times to tell him of my arrival but his phone just kept ringing but with no answer at all. I know his passcode that's why I can easily get inside in case he is already asleep.

I drove for about fifteen minutes before I arrived at his condo unit. Mabilis akong umakyat sa pangalawang palapag ng condo building dahil duon ang kanyang unit.

I immediately entered his passcode and went inside. Nang makapasok ako ay medyo madilim na ang paligid ng buong unit niya. Tanging yung ilaw lang na nagmumula sa kanyang kusina ang meron. On my left facing the kitchen is his room. My heart beated so fast when I heard moans. Para akong nasasakal na nasusugatan sa puso habang naririnig ko ang mga ungol nila. I know that it was Pierce with another woman. Unti unting nagsibagsakan ang aking mga luha ng mapagtanto kong nakikipagtalik siya sa ibang babae.

If only I could explain the pain that I felt. If only I could tell you all that my heart ached for in that moment. Para akong namamatay dahil sa sakit. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Hindi ko alam kung kaya pa ba ng mga paa kong maglakad papunta sa kuwarto niya. His door is opened. Nakapatay ang ilaw sa kanyang kuwarto. I can hear their bodies touching each other. I hear their moans. Lahat iyon rinig na rinig ko. That was the first time I sobbed in tears. I placed my hand on my chest because of the unbearable pain. Halos hindi na ako makahinga ng maayos nung mga oras na iyon. I can barely breathe.

I struggled to compose myself and walk inside his room turning on his room's light. Gulat sa kanilang mga mata ang sumalubong sa akin. Most especially Pierce. His face was already painted with that kind of emotion I never saw from him.