Ironic isn't it? I can believe in the antichrist but simultaneously I couldn't care less about god, our "savior", the lord, messiah if you will. I don't care about any of it. How could one of these ideas exist without the other? I don't want an answer to this question really, and frankly it's because I don't care, I really don't care. I mean look at it from my point of view, how could there be a God, because all of this was left for me to solve, and then to makes things worse I am the savior really. I am someone I don't even believe in. I'm not saying I'm God, not at all, but by definition I really am the savior, there's no way around it. I made my decision already knowing my other choice and I knew what would happen. I didn't sacrifice myself for my benefit, it was for everyone else, but didn't I? I only made my decisions based on who I knew, those I knew would be affected. I was selfish, I did what I had to so I could save Gretchen someone I had immediate connection with, really the only person outside of my family I could ever have that kind of connection with. It wasn't only her, it was for my big sister, Elizabeth, who I argue constantly with, but never to heart, I would never hurt her, she might be all I have unconditionally. For Samantha, who I could never imagine hurting, we never argue but that's really because of our loose connection, we barely talk as well. My mother, who I inherited all of my impatience for idiocy and just plain wrong arguments, coming from people like Kitty Farmer. My Father, Eddie, who would let me call him that, the "bad cop" of my parents but is just as cool as mom. The man I got all of my problems from, but I don't mind, it wouldn't be too bad being half the man he is. I was selfish, really fucking selfish because if it wasn't for these people would I have even made the decision that ended my life?
