Hard Feelings

Six

// In Favour of Death //

Wednesday came around the next week and she arrived in class almost late. Nate was already there sitting. He looked lost with eyes that screamed sadness. His whole demeanor and body language dampened the mood of the room. An overcast of his feelings poured on the classroom.

He said he would not be lecturing in a monotone and grey voice and allowed the class the time to study or they could leave. Nate said he could not care less what the class did. Most of the class just left to go study on the more pressing subjects or to just go home and sleep.

Alex waited about twenty minutes and the rest but herself followed. She was interested in talking with Nate about his unusual behaviour and emotions. Not that Alex was greatly surprised by his mood.

"Nate, is everything okay?"

"I could ask you the same." He barely glanced at her as he spoke.

Alex had started to feel nervous after what he said. She wanted to know what he meant, it was almost as if he had accused her of something.

He looked up at her, "you missed the whole week of classes..."

Alex breathed in and closed her eyes briefly in relief, "yes just had to go back to my home town for the week."

Nate hummed in response and went back to staring blankly at his desk. He fidgeted with his wallet phone case and opened and closed the magnetic clasp over and over again. There was a clicking sound every time the magnets would join together.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Never said I was."

"Are you going to talk about it then?"

"That girl I was telling you about..." He looked up at Alex.

"Yeah, Tyler, right?" Nate looked a little surprised that Alex knew her name, but he disregarded it soon after. As he paused, Alex cursed herself for slipping, but recovered quickly, glad he didn't seem to care.

"Mhm, well they found her dead. Looks like a suicide."

Alex paused, she had not thought he would be this affected if something like this had happened. She was actually quite shocked at how close they had been. She felt a tinge of guilt from feeling happy Tyler was out of the picture as Nate had become depressed.

She watched as he just sat there, motionless. Nate seemed uninterested in everything. Alex started to feel empathetic for him and his loss and how hard it is to lose a loved one. She had never been on this side of the situation before though. Alex had never been on the consoling side of a grieving person. She had never had to be empathetic either.

"You know, I thought I would know what to say to someone in this situation, but I'm blank. All I can think to say is would she want you to question your own life and happiness this much?"

"Alex, you and I have had some unprofessional interactions, so this isn't to hurt you, but I didn't tell you the whole truth about her. I genuinely thought she could be the girl I was meant to spend my life with."

Alex felt a small jab go through her mind and heart. Anger soared in her mind at how he could not see what was standing right in front of him. She was frustrated that instead his mind was on a girl who would never stand in front of him again. This other girl was dead, overdosed on prescribed medications and Alex could not believe Nate had taken it so hard.

"Well Nate, first it doesn't hurt my feelings, you clearly really liked her. Also, maybe you need to think about the fact that she is gone now and wasting your life isn't going to bring her back. You can be sad all you like. I know I was when it happened to me, but you do have to start your life again without them. Their memory will always be there, but that person is not. Maybe the best thing you can do for that person is to live your life to the fullest for them. Because although they didn't get to reach their full potential in life, you still have a chance and maybe that's what makes it okay to learn to move on." A tear streamed down her face, more from anger, and she walked towards the door. It would continue to play to her advantage and show her as still fragile.

"Alex..."

"Mhm?"

"Thanks."

She nodded and left the room. 

Nate sent out an email later that day cancelling class for the rest of the week.

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A little suspicious if you ask me... I did write it though

Hope today was a good day

~Lyss