Hard Feelings

Two

// Coffee and a Sandwich //

The next day Alex walked into the on-campus coffee shop and ordered a coffee, no cream, and no sugar. She ordered a ham and cheese sandwich, nothing on it. She needed something to satisfy her hunger after the day she had. Her brain was focused on the dilemma at hand and not with complicating a food order.

The police had called her again about her ex-boyfriend and her boyfriend who had passed away. The police believed it was a murder but did not have enough evidence to arrest the ex-boyfriend. Or anyone else for that matter. It was made to look like a suicide, but the amount of suicides being committed in similar ways was alarming to the police and they had become suspicious.

That was one of the reasons Alex had to move, her friends and family feared for her safety in that town. They got her to obtain restraining orders and told her to cut her hair for a little change to her appearance. Her older brother made sure she would be safe in this new city, far enough away to be undetected, but close enough for frequent visits from family and friends.

"Alex, I believed you would have had a better excuse for not coming without even an email of your absence. But you disregarded my time and efforts for a sandwich and a coffee?" His voice interrupted Alex of her thoughts and she looked up at the unimpressed face of her professor, Nate.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry Nate, I –"

"I am not interested in excuses, Alex."

"Please, just hear me out. It was about –" She paused and decided to just cut herself off. Alex did not want to mention the 'police suspecting her ex-boyfriend as a killer' catastrophe just yet. She was not supposed to be ready to talk about it. "You know what, you're right, I can't just make excuses. I apologize for missing the meeting, it completely slipped my mind."

Nate looked at her skeptically, "and it slipped your mind because you were busy with...?" Alex looked at him. She knew if she 

"Like you said, coffee and a sandwich." Alex smiled an unconvincing smile.

"Hm, of course. Well, I read your paper. Do you have time now?" Nate was unconvinced and Alex was slightly glad. She was also glad he did not question her further. She wanted to tell him and be the damsel in distress right now, but she needed him to be more convinced that she needed saving. "Before you answer, it would be wiser of you to say yes, unless you actually have somewhere more important to be."

"I have time."

Alex went home feeling exhausted from playing the part she had mastered oh so well. Her and Nate had been in his office for almost an hour before she had to leave for another lecture.

They talked about her not wanting to talk and how it would affect her in the course if she continued on with this mindset further down the road. They discussed her paper together and he spoke on even though he understood the emotional sense, how it was important to disregard that to examine the writing. He asked her why she would write about something she was uninterested in discussing.

"Why write about it if you don't want people to know?"

"It isn't that I don't want people to know, it's more that I can't say it out loud or don't know how to without becoming emotional."

"I see –"

"Nate, it is more than just my boyfriend's death. He died and it was my fault. Literally my fault. That is why I don't want to talk about it."

"Because it's your fault or because you think it's your fault?"

"That is exactly what I mean! People keep telling me that it's not my fault. It is my fault and I'm physically exhausted of having to explain it to people. I'm physically exhausted of having to listen to friends, family, and even strangers, for gods sake, telling me it's not my fault and that I should not feel any blame! It is my fault he is dead. If he never met me then he would still be alive, so how can it not be my fault."

Alex started crying during this rant and leaned back against the closed office door. Nate sat and watched for a few seconds as the tears streamed down her face, and she felt irritation by his lack of care.

Nate got up reluctantly and went over to her and put a hand on her shoulder as she starred at the ground. "Unless you were the one who pulled the trigger, it was not your fault Alex."

The next few days passed by with little interaction with Nate. They had passed in the hallways and he had nodded at her as though nothing had happened prior. Alex felt angered by this. No one just ignores someone like he was after having such an emotional conversation.

It frustrated and intrigued Alex further. She wanted to know more about him. Alex did not just want to know more about him, she wanted him.

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Welllllll...

Hope you enjoyed

~Lyss