To Live Forever

Chapter 37

Day? He didn't know.

Date? He didn't know.

Place? In front of his sister's grave.

It was raining. Not too much, but just enough for Noah to realise that even the skies knew how he was feeling. Actually...he didn't feel anything. He felt...numb. Too numb. Too heavy. And too full of grief. He didn't know what was the old man in front of them with the black suit saying. He didn't know when he had come here with his gang members. He didn't know that his brother in law was crying and glaring at him since the starting of the funeral. He didn't know that his life had changed fully.

His hand was held by someone. Judging by the hugeness of it, probably Logan. An arm was draped comfortably around his shoulders. Judging from the soft sniffles and hiccups, it was probably Nathan. Someone had their hand on his shoulder, gently caressing as if to say that they were there for him. Judging by the fact that all the other members were right beside him, this was probably Aria.

That's how he was functioning at this point. Pure instincts and his sheer brainpower. Which wasn't too much to be honest. His heart was...shattered. There was no other word for it. He was shattered.

He was standing in front of the graves of his sister and his baby niece. He was standing in front of the people who had died because of him. This was all his fault. And this time, he couldn't do anything to correct it. He couldn't bring them back. He couldn't bring his sister back. He couldn't bring his father's daughter back. He couldn't bring his brother in law's wife back. He couldn't do anything. He was useless. Useless.

He wished it was him in their place. He wished that he could somehow go back in time and maybe speed up, maybe call his sister and ask her to come to his house, maybe call her husband and tell him to take both of them back to wherever he was.

He wished. He wished.

He wished a lot of things. He really did.

The people lowered the graves into the ground, and Noah watched with his head low as they covered them up with dark soil. Someone had an umbrella covering him up, and this was probably Max, since he'd been the only one who'd brought a blue umbrella.

Noah clenched his jaw, suddenly feeling claustrophobic and he turned on his heels, ignoring the looks of the people as he blinked in the rain and walked away from the small gathering.

He felt the raindrops caress his face as he sat on the ground, away from everyone, away from everything and stared at the trees and graves in the distance. He squinted his eyes as he swallowed the sweet water that was tracing down his face and he felt so helpless, so utterly sad that he was wondering how he was even breathing.

He swallowed again and again as he felt his throat clog painfully, the discomfort warning him of the upcoming tears.

"You okay?"

The soft voice was right beside him and Noah looked beside him to see Aria. She was wet with the rain too, not bothering as her now dark hair bunched up behind her and stuck to her face as she smiled a little at him. She sat down, groaning when the black dress tore from the hem and she glared at the piece of garment, which made Noah smile.

"You're going to get a flu or something. You should get an umbrella." Noah adviced and Aria shrugged, "It doesn't matter. Rain's cool."

She shuddered a little as thunder cackled and the lightning made the dead looking graveyard slightly more alive.

"What time is it?" Noah asked quietly.

"Almost six."

Noah nodded and Aria bit her lip, trying to say something.

"Look, Noah. I-I know that many people would have already told you this, because...well, they're unoriginal and it is the truth. But...please, don't blame yourself. Its...its not your fault."

Noah smiled ruefully, "What makes you say that? How do you know its not my fault?"

Aria frowned, looking at the wet grass and then picking up a few strands, "You wouldn't have wanted this to happen. You did everything you could for this to not happen. I know I wasn't there...and I don't know how you're feeling right now, but just... just know that you're here with us. And you have a lot of people right here with you and-and we're not going to leave you."

Noah smiled, looking at the grass as well, "Thank you. Means a lot."

Aria smiled, pleased that she had gotten a reaction from the silver haired man, since he was practically silent for three days since he and Jason had returned from his sister's apartment.

"I... I have to go, Aria. I have to be with my dad. I'll... I'll be back with you all in a while."

"Oh, okay." Aria said and stood up as the young man did too and Noah sighed a little, straightening his wet, black suit and moving his slightly long hair out of his eyes as he walked towards his father and brother in law.

His father, Noel Lemar, stood proud and gaunt, not even showing a sign of remorse as he stared at his daughter's and granddaughter's graves. His salt and pepper hair were styled to perfection as a small man stood behind him, holding an umbrella with shaking hands as he looked at the face of the forty something year old man.

Noah smiled at the old man politely, extending his hand for the umbrella and with a confused expression, the short man handed it to Noah, who stood with his father now, his brother and brother in law right beside him.

His older brother, Nicolas, had a soft look in his eyes as he stared at the ground, his comparatively lighter grey eyes puffy and red and his jet black hair was slightly wet from the rain. He was maybe a few inches taller than Noah despite being only a few years older and had angular features like their father.

Noah was the only one with the soft outlines of their mother's face. The sunkissed skin, the ethereal bone structure and plump, pink lips. He looked nothing like his father, apart from the signature Lemar Family grey eyes, of course.

He hated his eyes, they reminded him of his father, the cold, cynical colour making him feel as if he was just like his dad. Unfeeling, degrading, never thankful. He had always wanted eyes like his mother's. Beautiful green eyes. With small flecks of blue which reminded him of summer days and happiness.

The funeral ended, with a few hugs Noah received from people he didn't know and then his gang approached him and his family.

Natalie's husband, Mark, had baby Mila in his arms now, hugging her as if he was afraid that someone might take her as well.

Noah looked at the leader of Gray Dawn as Logan shook his father's hand, a polite and respecting look in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry to hear about this. You have our condolences."

His father clenched his jaw and nodded once curtly and Logan knew by Noah's small gulp that his father blamed all this on Noah, him being in a gang, him in general.

Noah saw Jason give him a small smile and he returned the gesture as Jason buttoned his black suit and Logan gestured for all of them to leave.

Max and Nathan gripped Noah's hand once and the others gave him smiles as they left with Aria, the girl looking back at Noah and waving slightly.

Noah followed his father, brother and brother in law to the grey Mercedes that was parked in the corner with the driver standing with his head low.

"Drive." His father commanded as they sat in the car and Noah looked outside the window, watching the stray raindrops descending on the glass slowly.

***

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Love,

Alexandria 💜