KNOW ME

Chapter 1: Inside My Mind

WARNING: this story contains sensitives topics such as depression, anxiety, self-injury, suicidal thoughts...
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Skyler

Monday, December 17, 2018

Have you ever thought that bad things always happen to good people? Or that life takes away more than you think?

Well, that's how I feel, I always ask myself,

Why me?

Why are the people I love not here by my side?

The people who educated me, who taught me that even in the darkest moments there is always a light. They were my light, and now they are no longer with me.

I lost the little hope I had. It's like living a nightmare that I can't wake up from, and it's getting worse.

Since my mom passed away, exactly one week ago, there were many changes in my life, and not in a good way. I had to move with my grandparents, I haven't eaten or slept enough,

I am very tired. Tired of living.

I haven't attended school and Valerie has left me many messages asking me the same question: "Why haven't you gone to school? Are you ok? what happened? You're worrying me, Skyler."

Valerie has been my friend for 3 years, but in spite of everything, she doesn't know much about me, doesn't know about my family or that I have to deal with depression and anxiety every day, and she doesn't realize because I don't show my pain to people, I prefer that they see me as a strong person.

In school, I can define myself as a shy person and pretend that everything is fine, I don't like to talk much, Valerie always has something to tell and that distracts me from my thoughts.

At home, I'm weak, I feel useless, I cry every day because, I miss my family.

I miss my brother, although it bothered me, I loved him,

I miss my father, he was like my best friend, I still remember all the stories he told me about his childhood,

And my mom for bringing me to this world, for being a fighter, despite her condition, she always had hope, even though she knew that she wasn't going to continue living.

I miss them a lot, I would do anything to see them one more time.

I'm tired of showing someone that I don't, but I don't want anyone to know my reality, my fears, my weaknesses ...

I don't want anyone to know that part of me.

When I was younger when I first heard about suicide I was shocked I didn't know why anyone would kill themselves on purpose. All I can say now is, it's funny how fast things can change.

It hurts, but it's ok. I'm used to it.

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